So, Why'd You Leave That Job?
A Frustrating NDA
This is a complicated question with a relatively simple answer: Just tell people, if they ask, that your former job was not the right fit for you.
People take breaks in between jobs all the time, often for personal reasons, and you won't raise eyebrows if you explain the pause in your employment that way.
You may also want to use this as an opportunity to convey your excitement about your new job. This keeps things focused on the present, not the past, and helps explain why you took, as you put it, a 'step down' in terms of title. Talk up your new company; communicate how happy you are, and why you're grateful for your current gig.
If pressed by people on the reasons for your departure from your previous job, you can repeat that the job was not the right fit for you and that as part of your departure package you agreed not to talk about your time there.
But ultimately, you're just going to have to be OK with people wondering — if they wonder, that is — why you left your previous job. It's part of being in the work force. It is what it is.
The Co-Worker I Can't Stand
You're never going to know whether your colleague's attitude is about age or gender or something else. And you certainly can't ask him. So you need to let that part go. And you need to at least try to let go of the other part as well — the colleague's overall comportment.
I mean, I get it. Obsequiousness can be cringe-inducing, coming across as cloying or smarmy and even, as you say, patronizing. It's challenging to be in the presence of, and makes some of us want to rip our hair out. But there's nothing you can do. You can't in good faith have your colleague moved off the project — his work is solid, you say — and, besides, a person's communication style, unless it's truly toxic or offensive, does not justify speaking with H.R. about it. (What I can't tell is whether or not this colleague is a peer or an employee over whom you wield power or influence. Though it doesn't matter. My advice would be the same.)
The question that remains, I suppose, is whether you can say something directly to him. Or whether you should. I don't think you can, and I don't think you should. Though you may feel a temporary reprieve from your irritation, addressing him about his way of speaking will only make things more difficult for you in the long run. (I get the sense that this project is not ending anytime soon.)
So I hate to say it, but you're just going to have to hold your nose. Try to tolerate the situation as much as you're able, and maybe try to come up with some strategies to better limit your direct interactions or mitigate your extreme irritation. For example: Might you be able to work with this individual over email or Slack instead of in person? Maybe you can make a list of this person's positive attributes, something you can refer to when the going gets really tough with him.
Listen, work isn't always fun and easy, and neither are our co-workers. And some of work culture involves putting aside our feelings and annoyances about those co-workers as much as possible. This is what you're going to have to do here. It may not be fun, it may not be easy, but it's necessary. Not to sound patronizing, of course.
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