What not to do in Japan: Polite habits that can seem rude
By Adam Douglas
Japan is famously polite. For foreign residents or visitors, this can be a cultural minefield. Try as you might, you'll probably end up putting your foot wrong at some point and boom, you've made a faux pas. Even if you spend a lot of time studying the guidebooks on what's acceptable and work on getting your Japanese up to snuff, trying hard to soften the blow of requests and using proper keigo at work, there's still so much to know. Even when you think you might be doing it right, you may be making your co-workers and neighbors uncomfortable with your blunders.
Here are 10 things that you may think are polite but actually make you look like a jerk.
1. Bowing Too Deep
2. Making Direct Eye Contact
3. Complimenting Someone in Public
4. Being Way Too Direct
5. Forgetting to Apologize First
6. Fighting Over the Bill
7. Showing Up Too Early
8. Putting Trash Out Early
9. Jumping Off the Elevator First
10. Hogging the Escalator
1. Bowing Too Deep
Why not both?
Bowing is a big deal in Japan. It shows respect, gratitude, apology, or just good manners — and yes, there are rules. While you might think going for the deepest bow possible shows extra respect, that's not always the case. The standard everyday bow is about 30 degrees.
Bow too shallow and it might seem rude or dismissive. Bow too deeply and you risk making the other person uncomfortable, especially if they're not in a position to return it. Like a lot of social cues in Japan, balance is key.
2. Making Direct Eye Contact
Eye contact means different things in different cultures. In many Western countries, it shows confidence and engagement. However, in Japan, too much eye contact can come across as aggressive or confrontational.
You don't need to stare someone down — try looking at their nose or chin instead to keep things comfortable. And don't forget the aizuchi — those little nods and sounds like un, so desu ne and hai that show you're listening. It's not just polite, it's how conversations flow in Japanese.
3. Complimenting Someone in Public
You spot someone on the street in Tokyo with great style and casually say, 'Nice shoes!' Instead of smiling, they look uncomfortable and laugh nervously. Uh oh — your friendly compliment didn't land the way you expected.
In many Western cultures, especially in the U.S., complimenting a stranger is seen as a warm gesture and maybe even a conversation starter. But in Japan, compliments — especially from strangers — are rare and can feel awkward. Humility is a core value here, and drawing attention to someone in public might put them in the uncomfortable position of having to deflect or downplay your praise.
4. Being Way Too Direct
In the same way that directly answering 'no' to an invitation in Japan rather than an indirect 'I'll think about it' is seen as sledgehammer rude, so is making a direct request to someone. Japan is famously a high-context society, where 'reading the air' and subtle, non-verbal cues play a large part in communication.
Putting someone on the spot with a direct request can upset the social harmony. Better to go with an indirect suggestion, which will give the other person the chance to opt out without embarrassment. They're not being cagey; they're trying to spare your feelings, after all.
5. Forgetting to Apologize First
In the West, we usually apologize after we've done something wrong. In Japan, people often apologize before saying something negative, even if they're not the ones responsible.
Just pointing out a problem can shift the mood in a group, so starting with an apology helps soften the impact. It's less about guilt and more about social harmony. Think of it as putting down a cushion before dropping the bad news.
6. Fighting Over the Bill
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