What not to do in Japan: Polite habits that can seem rude
By Adam Douglas
Japan is famously polite. For foreign residents or visitors, this can be a cultural minefield. Try as you might, you'll probably end up putting your foot wrong at some point and boom, you've made a faux pas. Even if you spend a lot of time studying the guidebooks on what's acceptable and work on getting your Japanese up to snuff, trying hard to soften the blow of requests and using proper keigo at work, there's still so much to know. Even when you think you might be doing it right, you may be making your co-workers and neighbors uncomfortable with your blunders.
Here are 10 things that you may think are polite but actually make you look like a jerk.
1. Bowing Too Deep
2. Making Direct Eye Contact
3. Complimenting Someone in Public
4. Being Way Too Direct
5. Forgetting to Apologize First
6. Fighting Over the Bill
7. Showing Up Too Early
8. Putting Trash Out Early
9. Jumping Off the Elevator First
10. Hogging the Escalator
1. Bowing Too Deep
Why not both?
Bowing is a big deal in Japan. It shows respect, gratitude, apology, or just good manners — and yes, there are rules. While you might think going for the deepest bow possible shows extra respect, that's not always the case. The standard everyday bow is about 30 degrees.
Bow too shallow and it might seem rude or dismissive. Bow too deeply and you risk making the other person uncomfortable, especially if they're not in a position to return it. Like a lot of social cues in Japan, balance is key.
2. Making Direct Eye Contact
Eye contact means different things in different cultures. In many Western countries, it shows confidence and engagement. However, in Japan, too much eye contact can come across as aggressive or confrontational.
You don't need to stare someone down — try looking at their nose or chin instead to keep things comfortable. And don't forget the aizuchi — those little nods and sounds like un, so desu ne and hai that show you're listening. It's not just polite, it's how conversations flow in Japanese.
3. Complimenting Someone in Public
You spot someone on the street in Tokyo with great style and casually say, 'Nice shoes!' Instead of smiling, they look uncomfortable and laugh nervously. Uh oh — your friendly compliment didn't land the way you expected.
In many Western cultures, especially in the U.S., complimenting a stranger is seen as a warm gesture and maybe even a conversation starter. But in Japan, compliments — especially from strangers — are rare and can feel awkward. Humility is a core value here, and drawing attention to someone in public might put them in the uncomfortable position of having to deflect or downplay your praise.
4. Being Way Too Direct
In the same way that directly answering 'no' to an invitation in Japan rather than an indirect 'I'll think about it' is seen as sledgehammer rude, so is making a direct request to someone. Japan is famously a high-context society, where 'reading the air' and subtle, non-verbal cues play a large part in communication.
Putting someone on the spot with a direct request can upset the social harmony. Better to go with an indirect suggestion, which will give the other person the chance to opt out without embarrassment. They're not being cagey; they're trying to spare your feelings, after all.
5. Forgetting to Apologize First
In the West, we usually apologize after we've done something wrong. In Japan, people often apologize before saying something negative, even if they're not the ones responsible.
Just pointing out a problem can shift the mood in a group, so starting with an apology helps soften the impact. It's less about guilt and more about social harmony. Think of it as putting down a cushion before dropping the bad news.
6. Fighting Over the Bill
Click here to read more.
External Link
https://gaijinpot.com/
© GaijinPot
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Mainichi
7 hours ago
- The Mainichi
News in Easy English: Japan kindergartens change Father's, Mother's Day to 'family day'
TOKYO -- Father's Day this year in Japan is on June 15. But many kindergartens and day care centers are now having "family day" instead of Mother's Day and Father's Day. This change is because families in Japan are different now. There are many single-parent families. In Japan, about 10% of families with children have one parent. Parents shared their feelings about "family day." One person wrote online, "We don't have a dad at home, so I was happy about family day." Another person said, "They think about each family's situation, so I was really glad." Asahi day care center in Ube city changed to family day three years ago. In the past, children made gifts for Mother's Day and Father's Day separately. Now, they celebrate only one special day in late May. Children make gifts and give them to someone important like their parents, grandparents, or family friends. The Poppins Nursery School group, which has many day cares around Japan, also has family day events in May or June. Children make gifts for family members and sometimes show family pictures. But not all places agree. Some kindergartens and day care centers still have Mother's Day and Father's Day. Single parents also have different feelings. One mother wrote, "My child made a gift and drew my face for Father's Day. It made me happy." Another parent said, "I'm a single parent, but I like Mother's Day and Father's Day separately." Some libraries and shops are also changing. Omori-Minami Library in Tokyo used to show children's drawings for Mother's Day and Father's Day. Now, it has a "family portrait exhibition" instead. A library worker said, "We changed because there are many kinds of families now." (Japanese original by Shuji Ozaki, Digital News Group) Vocabulary single-parent family: a family where children live with one parent celebrate: to have a special day or event for a happy reason gift: something nice you give to another person portrait: a drawing of a person's face
Kyodo News
7 hours ago
- Kyodo News
4 Japan SDF members hurt in blast near U.S. Kadena Air Base
KYODO NEWS - 13 hours ago - 21:34 | All, Japan Four Japan Ground Self-Defense Force members were slightly injured in an explosion on Monday while handling an unexploded bomb at a depot near the U.S. military's Kadena Air Base in the southern Japanese prefecture of Okinawa, local and Defense Ministry officials said. The ministry officials said the explosion occurred around 11:20 a.m. at a GSDF storage facility for unexploded bombs in Kadena Ammunition Storage Area near the base. The four members from the 101st explosive ordnance disposal unit, which defuses bombs left over from World War II, were removing rust and mud from an unexploded bomb in preparation for disposal. They suffered non-life-threatening injuries such as burns, in the first such incident experienced by the unit during their work. No evacuation order was issued for nearby residents. The U.S. Air Force and Marine Corps are in charge of the ammunition storage area, covering about 26 square kilometers as of March 2024. According to local authorities, the depot was set up by the prefecture in the storage area for the GSDF to engage in disposal of unexploded bombs. "It is crucial to take measures as many unexploded bombs are believed to be still buried in Okinawa. We will conduct disposal steadily," Chief Cabinet Secretary Yoshimasa Hayashi said at a press conference. The Self-Defense Forces carried out 1,852 disposal operations for unexploded bombs, dealing with a total of about 35 tons nationwide in fiscal 2023, including 441 operations involving about 19.7 tons in Okinawa, equivalent to about 57 percent of the total. Okinawa remains home to the bulk of U.S. military facilities in Japan even after its 1972 reversion from U.S. control following Japan's defeat in World War II.
The Mainichi
11 hours ago
- The Mainichi
A-bomb trees carrying on aging survivors' legacy as silent witnesses
HIROSHIMA (Kyodo) -- Looking at the leafy weeping willow standing on the banks of a serene river in Hiroshima, one would never guess it endured the blast of the U.S. atomic attack on the city almost 80 years ago in the closing days of World War II. At around 370 meters from the explosion on Aug. 6, 1945, the willow is recognized by the city government as the closest surviving tree to the hypocenter. Like many other trees, it was reduced to little more than a charred stump or bare roots at the time but demonstrated a remarkable will for life by regrowing. As atomic bomb survivors age and fewer are able to share their experiences, increasing attention has turned to these surviving trees as silent witnesses. For some, the trees may also offer a more approachable way to engage with Hiroshima's painful past. "When people talk about the atomic bombing, it often comes across as very harsh and raw -- it's a powerful and direct subject. Sometimes those stories are necessary, too. But when we use trees as a kind of buffer in the conversation, the message comes across more gently and softly," said Chikara Horiguchi, the 80-year-old master gardener of so-called atomic-bombed trees in Hiroshima. Horiguchi, a native of Miyazaki Prefecture in southwestern Japan, became Hiroshima Prefecture's first certified arborist in 1992. While he initially hoped to work with private gardens, he realized that overseeing greenery in the city is itself an act of advocating for peace. Currently, around 160 trees standing within 2 kilometers of ground zero are registered by the Hiroshima city government as remaining "survivors" of the blast, based on the testimonies of residents and on-site investigations. Demonstrating the impact of the weapons of mass destruction, a study conducted more than a decade ago found that the vast majority of single-trunk trees leant toward the hypocenter due to slower growth on the more exposed side. In some cases, the trees have served as a beacon of hope for people who experienced the tragedy. Chinese parasol trees, now taking root in the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park, became symbolic of survival following the testimony of Suzuko Numata, who lost her left leg in the wake of the blast and her fiance in the war. Numata, who died in 2011 at the age of 87, had devoted herself to telling visitors of how the tree had given her the will to continue living after seeing it bud again following the bombing. At that time, it was located in the courtyard of the Hiroshima post and telecommunications bureau where she worked. The "aogiri" tree, as the species is named in Japanese, was transplanted to the memorial park in 1973 from its original location 1.3 km away from the hypocenter, and became the catalyst for distributing seeds and saplings throughout the city and abroad. Efforts to spread the trees' message of peace beyond Japan have continued for over a decade under a global volunteer initiative called Green Legacy Hiroshima, which is backed by entities including a U.N. training arm in support of sustainable development goals. "I think no other living thing can convey some of the spirit of the hibaku-jumoku," said Nassrine Azimi, a co-founder of the initiative who formerly served as the first director of the Hiroshima office of U.N. Institute for Training and Research, referring to the Japanese word meaning "atomic-bombed trees." "You send a seed, you put it in a package, off it goes, and then six months later we get photos from the world," she said during a recent interview in Hiroshima. Green Legacy Hiroshima has delivered seeds of such trees to around 140 locations in over 40 countries while working with partners around the world, including an anti-nuclear weapons group in Oregon launched by Hiroshima atomic bomb survivor Hideko Tamura-Snider. The 91-year-old recalled the challenges when trying to get the seed-planting project started in the northwestern U.S. state of Oregon, where she lives, noting during an online interview that "nobody was interested" at first. Thanks to her perseverance, however, there are now over 55 second-generation atomic-bombed trees planted in Oregon -- reportedly the densest population outside Japan. Tamura-Snider was just 11 years old on the day of the atomic bombing, which took the life of her mother. She moved to the United States after high school where she earned various degrees and served as a clinical social worker. Drawn into advocating peace and nuclear non-proliferation, she founded One Sunny Day Initiatives in 2007 as part of efforts to serve as a bridge between Japanese and Americans, who fought a bitter war after Japan's surprise assault on Pearl Harbor in 1941, resulting in the world's first nuclear attack. "Americans carry wounds from Pearl Harbor, and Japanese carry wounds from everything, from the war...I wanted the Americans and the Japanese to get to know each other in such a way, not as a visitor from a foreign country, but a human being," said Tamura-Snider, who has also spoken at universities and events in the United States about her wartime experience. Collaborating with Green Legacy Hiroshima since 2017 to plant seeds of peace, she said her love for trees goes back to childhood, when her grandfather, who headed a multinational corporation, had a "huge, huge garden that was like a paradise in spring." To mark the 80th anniversary of the bombings on Hiroshima and Nagasaki this year, Green Legacy Hiroshima spearheaded a planting of two saplings from Hiroshima at the U.N. headquarters in New York in May, with plans to also conduct a similar planting at the former Japanese internment camp in Manzanar in California in September. "Until recently, most of Hiroshima's efforts have been verbal or human-centered, and I think it's very nice to bring a new dimension," said Azimi. Drawing renewed attention to the surviving greenery, the Hiroshima city government has launched a new project this year to use pruned branches of atomic-bombed trees to make products that convey peace, accepting proposals from interested individuals and organizations. Beyond caring for atomic-bombed trees in Hiroshima and educating visitors to the city through tours, Horiguchi has traveled across the world, including the U.N. office at Geneva, to advocate for peace through their enduring legacy. "Every country has its own unique relationship between trees and people, but I get the sense that there's always some emotional closeness. I believe that connection is universal," said Horiguchi. "I hope people can feel, through trees, that peace is important, and that nuclear weapons are wrong." (By Donican Lam)
