Darlinstone Dubar lost three loved ones last March. He honors them with Tennessee basketball

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22-03-2025

LEXINGTON, Ky. — Darlinstone Dubar didn't want to cry.
He shut off his mind in the final seconds before walking onto the court for Tennessee basketball's senior day ceremony on March 8. He carried a cardboard cutout of his smiling face as he hugged his teammates and coaches. His mother followed closely behind him, clutching a bouquet of flowers.
Dubar thought about the more than 20,000 people in attendance. He refused to think about who wasn't there.
Dubar lost three of the most important people in his life in a 10-day span last March. He has wrestled with grief and pursued his dreams without those who encouraged him deeply in the past year with the Vols.
'Every day is hard for me,' Dubar told Knox News. 'Just dealing with three deaths — three important people in my dad, grandma and my best friend. I thank God every day. He is helping me along the way. I am going to keep doing what they wanted me to do.'
Dubar was ready for the next chapter of his life last March. He had a monster senior season at Hofstra, positioning himself to transfer for his final year of college basketball.
Instead, incomprehensible loss ushered in his next chapter.
Agnes T. Wah, his grandmother, died on March 6 from an illness. Shemar Hayes, his best friend, was shot and killed on March 12. Henry Dubar, his father, died on March 16 from a heart attack.
'I didn't know how to deal with it,' Dubar said.
Wah helped raise Dubar. He was a cheeky child and had a playful relationship with his doting grandmother. She often made him breakfast and he would complain she was burning his pancakes. He called her in any moment as he grew older.
Hayes was his best friend since middle school. Dubar and Hayes worked out together and trained hard — Dubar a basketball player and Hayes a football player. Together, they sought goodness while others they knew veered into different choices. They spoke the night before he was shot in an apparent robbery gone wrong.
'He was just telling me to get ready,' Dubar said. 'Those were his last words to me.'
Henry Dubar used to hoist Dubar onto his shoulders, wrapping his legs around his neck to walk around the mall. Dubar was a daddy's boy back then. He became a momma's boy in time. He wanted to take care of his mom because he saw his father living unselfishly toward others.
"At that age, it is devastating when you lose people around you that have meant so much to you,' Vols coach Rick Barnes said.
Dubar was locked in on playing NBA2K.
Wah kept calling his name to come and do something for her. The young Dubar ignored her as best he could, continuing to play the video game intently.
'Next thing you know, I turned around and she hit me with a slap in the face,' Dubar said. 'I told her I was going to call my mom on you.'
Dubar told that story last April. He stood at the lectern at University City United Methodist Church in Charlotte, North Carolina, speaking at the funeral for his grandmother and his father. He was at his second funeral in three weeks, bidding two family members farewell days after seeing his best friend for the final time.
'I was just there,' Dubar said. 'I was in the moment. I can't tell you how I was able to get through it. A lot of lonely days. I was just present.'
Dubar is undeniably strong. His resolve is quiet and he deals with things internally and alone by default. He leans on faith and family. Much of his strength comes from his mother, Meatta Street. But strength only goes so far when you're 22 and dealing with sudden immense loss.
Dubar wept all night when Hayes was killed, looking at pictures of them together and listening to music. He misses his grandma often. Nobody expects to lose their father so young.
In the background was basketball, his usual outlet. But it wasn't that easy. He transferred to Tennessee in mid-April, a major move toward his basketball goals.
'All the good things he worked for and tried to get to, so many people he loved didn't get a chance to share in it,' Barnes said.
Dubar accepted he hadn't grieved as the Tennessee season approached. He was sleeping and trying to take his mind off the sadness. Basketball wasn't going as well as it usually did as he tried to learn a new system and adjust to playing for the Vols. He didn't have his usual people to call for help.
'Your whole heart and mind can't be in it because you are almost in a numb state,' Barnes said. 'I think he went through that and he struggled with it.'
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Dubar made the decision to seek help through the mental health resources offered to Tennessee athletes. Barnes wished the staff had recognized the help Dubar needed earlier, but they openly encouraged him to do what was best for him.
He sat out the first four games of the season while working through his emotions.
'We care about him and the struggles he was going through,' assistant coach Rod Clark said. 'He is a basketball player but he is a normal dude like the rest of us. We all go through stuff. We talk about being family on the court. You have to be that off it also.'
Dubar bonded with his teammates and coaches through his processing. A counselor suggested ideas like writing a letter or talking out loud to the ones he lost. He took steps to process and accept sorrow with the Vols alongside him.
'We pray for him and always let him know we have got his back,' associate head coach Justin Gainey said.
Dubar was visiting his brother in Raleigh, North Carolina, last March when he heard him screaming. He knew his dad had died before anyone told him.
A year later to the day, Dubar played in the SEC tournament title game against Florida seeking to honor them through making good on a shared dream.
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'You just have to remember what they wanted you to do and make them proud,' Dubar said. 'That is what I hold myself to. My best friend wanted me to make it to the NBA, my grandma and my dad, too.'
It hasn't been a perfect nor smooth year since Dubar lost three dear people, but grief isn't linear and has no stopping point.
He has remained upbeat and outward-focused. His teammates adore him and swear he is as funny as any player on the team. He cares deeply about those around him, which reflects the values and love instilled in him by those he lost.
'I know he has a great heart and he loves the Lord,' Barnes said. 'I know it hasn't gone exactly the way he wanted it, but we are all better for the fact he has been here with us.'
Dubar's season at Tennessee didn't go according to plan. He has relished it regardless. The senior forward was essential in road wins at Illinois and Texas and a home win against Florida. He is averaging 3.5 points in 9.9 minutes per game.
He learned from Barnes. He thought he knew basketball but unlocked a different level by being around Barnes and the UT staff. His teammates have been essential to his past year. He found joy from Tennessee fans. He scrolled comments on social media, feeling supported, loved and appreciated.
'They helped me get through all of the trauma I have been through as well,' Dubar said.
Dubar has a large cardboard poster in his room. It has a picture of his grandma on one half and his dad on the other. It says 'traveling together' below it, a reminder of loss and love.
The tattoo on his right shoulder serves as a reminder daily. It is a recreation of a picture of his grandma and dad holding him when he was a baby. It has their names and the dates they died surrounded by clouds.
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When Dubar spoke at their funeral, he told both he will see them again when it is his time. Until then, he wants to make them proud.
'I am here now,' Dubar said. "I thank God every day for making me strong every day.'
Mike Wilson covers University of Tennessee athletics. Email him at [e-mail] and follow him on X @ByMikeWilson or Bluesky @bymikewilson.bsky.social. If you enjoy Mike's coverage, consider a digital subscription that will allow you access to all of it.
This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: Darlinstone Dubar playing through grief with Tennessee basketball