Nathan Cleary doesn't just listen to the voices in his head. He talks back

The Age

5 hours ago

If Nathan Cleary knew how to silence the voices in his head, then he would. But he can't, so he listens to them instead.
And then, Cleary talks back. Argues. Cajoles. Until the game's best player, more often than not, gets his way.
'Honestly? I'd say I've constantly got a bit of a dialogue going back and forth in my head. Not just on the field, off it as well,' the NSW No.7 says.
On a brisk Blue Mountains day in Origin camp, Cleary has agreed to one or two more questions, as he unfailingly always does.
He's already spent the morning answering roughly 100 of them about everything from Origin hype to halfback play, rugby rumours and also unfailingly, his relationship with Matildas megastar Mary Fowler.
The nonchalant, instant response to what could be an offensively intimate inquiry – 'so, what's this about you talking to yourself?' – is enough to ease concern for the halfback's headspace.
Especially when those mid-game, one-man powwows might deliver what NSW truly desires – a State of Origin series win.
'It's something I've worked on, being self-aware of my mindset as a tool in my game,' Cleary says.
'It's part of who I am and I make it work for me rather than against me, but I've become more aware of my emotions and my thoughts.
'I've found those conversations are how I manage those thoughts, [they] make it easier on myself to switch up from a negative mindset when doubts creep in. It's something that I've worked at, and it's still quite hard. But yeah, in games when I'm out there in the middle, it's still quite common to be having a little chat with myself.'
Cleary's five grand finals, four premierships, three Origin series wins and two Clive Churchill Medals make for a neat set of numbers and a glittering rugby league resume.
A little deeper and a little less symmetrical, Cleary, 27, has now been playing first grade for nearly 10 seasons.
His 16th appearance in the Blues No.7 jersey – name a more scrutinised piece of kit in Australian sport? – when he takes the field in Perth will match the high-water marks set by Andrew Johns (who played five of his 23 Origins as chief playmaker after being named at hooker, and another two off the bench) and Mitchell Pearce (his 19 Origins included three at five-eighth).
Two more disparate Origin experiences between the Eighth Immortal and the state's favourite playmaking punching bag, you'd struggle to find.
Cleary has navigated a NSW career far closer to that of Johns than Pearce to date.
But still, criticism of his Origin performances has been brutal and at times, baseless.
Ivan Cleary revealed in his autobiography last year how in 2019 he rang then-Blues coach Brad Fittler asking him not to pick his son because 'in my mind, he wasn't playing well enough to be picked and I didn't want him to fail in that arena'.
The Clearys and all of Penrith were battling through that last soul-searching season that pre-empted their dynasty, and Ivan naturally wanted to protect his son from the game's fiercest scrutiny.
Fittler told Cleary snr that he still wanted to back the 21-year-old as his halfback for the series, which he did, and NSW defended the shield from 1-0 down.
Here and now, Cleary puts far more stock in his own desire to truly own the Origin arena, rather than anyone else's expectation that he should.
This has been arguably the biggest learning curve of his career.
Along with, he says, all those added extras built into his rugby league life. Be it a cup of bone broth at night, a carnivore diet or an expensively blacked out bedroom to aid sleep, it's all done with game day in mind.
Even resisting the urge to take 200 shots at goal after his rare yips from the tee in Origin I, instead trusting his technique to iron itself out because 'I'm a bit older and looking after my body'.
'I'm still passionate about it, I still love watching it,' Cleary says of his 10 seasons running around the most demanding contact competition in the world.
'But I would say in terms of professionalism, that's changed. This is a duty to my teammates, to my club when I'm playing for my club and for my state when I'm playing for my state.
'I just went out there and played when I was younger, now it's much more regimented with what I need to do to play my best, especially mentally.'
As Penrith slowly start moving up the ladder and he finds a whole new challenge in the annual exodus of premiership-winners seemingly taking hold, the true beauty of Cleary's best performances may just loom once more.
His finest hours have often followed his toughest.
Cleary's last outing in Perth three years ago yielded two tries and 24 points in a masterful showing and 44-12 NSW rout. In the sheds afterwards, Johns declared for the first time that Cleary would eventually be regarded as the game's greatest halfback, a view he's only repeated since.
Colleague Andrew Webster followed up with telling insight into the Cleary's endless hunt for the perfect 80 minutes of playmaking.
'As much as you want to be perfect, you never will be,' Cleary said at the time. 'But that doesn't mean you can't chase it.'
Especially when Cleary had been roundly criticised for underperforming in the preceding 16-10 game one loss, which saw Cameron Munster produce the best Origin of his career and the Maroons bully Cleary into his worst.
Which brings us neatly back to those voices knocking around the halfback's head, and the 2023 grand final. When Cleary's glaring defensive lapses had played a key role in Brisbane leading 24-8 with just 17 minutes left.
And he followed up with what Johns, Darren Lockyer and Johnathan Thurston all regard as the most complete playmaking they have ever seen - and one of the greatest grand final comeback's in history.
'I've never been so in control of my mind [than] in that last 20 minutes,' Cleary says.
'That 2023 grand final, it didn't hit me until the day after, what was actually going on in my head at the time.
'I was having the conversations then, obviously [trailing 24-8] there's those little demons there.
'There was a little voice in my head late, 'Like you've done pretty well, that might be it though'. But we were still behind and I was talking myself around.
'So that result and the way we won, I was proud of being able to silence those doubts. I was proudest of that and the work we've done as a team.
'We've prioritised that mindfulness and mind training over the years and it goes a long way.
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'There are some games still where the conversation's not so positive. It's still hard to fight off that negative voice but that's how I do it.
'You don't panic or give into it, you get onto it straight away and make sure that spark doesn't turn into a fire that's going to knock you over.'