Justin Bieber's former manager Scooter Braun thought about suicide amid public clash with Taylor Swift
Scooter Braun says he had thoughts of self-harm amid a time of uncertainty in his life and business.
The 43-year-old entertainment executive, best known as the o ne-time manager of pop superstars such as Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, and Demi Lovato, chat about his darkest of days on the Diary of a CEO podcast.
The New York-born music mogul - who made headlines after purchasing Taylor Swift 's earlier material amid controversial circumstances in 2019 - explained how he came to be suicidal despite experiencing success most could only dream of.
Braun said that the reason why he entered a personal growth retreat in October of 2020 was because his marriage to wife Yael Cohen, 38, - who he shares kids Jagger, nine, Levi, seven, and Hart, five, with - 'was falling apart. '
Braun said that he felt inclined to self-harm - 'It went to a very dark place,' he admitted - after going down a rabbit hole of 'What if's' as he felt his life slipping away amid the nascent marital split.
'I had a suicidal thought for 20 minutes where I was like, " If my marriage is going to fall apart, I'm not gonna be with my kids all the time,' Braun said. 'I can't control this. I'm not gonna be this perfect image that I've presented to the world.
Braun is best known as the one-time manager of pop superstars such as Justin Bieber. Pictured in LA in January of 2020, the year he entered a week-long residential and personal growth retreat called The Hoffman Process
Braun added: 'And if I can't be this perfect image, I don't want to be here.'
Braun said that the public generally had the misconception he was 'crushing it' in life amid his successful stewardship of the careers of Bieber and Grande.
Braun said after the period of suicidal ideation had thankfully passed, he gained a sense of clarity, focus and direction.
'That's not me - I would never leave my kids,' Braun said of his earlier intrusive thoughts. 'I don't wanna leave anybody. Like, what was that?'
Braun said that after speaking with a confidante, he was advised to go to a week-long residential and personal growth retreat called The Hoffman Process in an effort to better adapt to the changes coming with his divorce.
'They told me that they could get me in two weeks because there was a cancellation,' he said of facility officials. 'That was the release of Ariana Grande's Dangerous Woman album.'
He said Grande had been fine with delaying her release of the record so he could focus on his health.
Braun attended Hoffman more than four years ago amid challenges in his personal and professional life.
Braun described how the life improvement retreat works: 'It is one week of no phone, no email and intense work on your early childhood to understand why you are the way you are and to give you tools to go out in the world and understand yourself.'
Braun said that the intense incident caused him to look within himself and suss out what what truly important in his life as he moved forward.
'I've spent my whole life pursuing these things, doing this, choosing this, choosing that life and choosing the clients,' said Braun. 'I'm the top of my game yet I wanted to kill myself last night. Something has got to change.
He continued: 'I chose to go to that place instead. The hard stuff actually came after I got out.'
Braun said with the tools in place to maintain a sense of balance, he was able to endure stormy times without feeling too blue.
'I ended up going through a divorce,' Braun said. 'I ended up going through all this different stuff — but I never was depressed again.'
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