Drug cheats rejoice. There's now a comp designed just for you

The Advertiser

21-05-2025

This is a sample of The Echidna newsletter sent out each weekday morning. To sign up for FREE, go to theechidna.com.au
Look, I have to come clean. I'm a dirty cheat.
If everyday life were an Olympic event, I'd have been disqualified years ago for taking performance-enhancing substances. I dose myself up on them every single morning.
A double shot of espresso out of the machine first thing.
The caffeine dilates the blood vessels, then increases heart rate and blood pressure. Oxygen wakes the foggy brain. Alertness comes next. Then the feeling, often short-lived, that today is the day I beat my personal best.
I use other performance-enhancing substances throughout the day. I've a lifelong addiction to chilli. Its active compound, capsaicin, also gets the heart pumping, reduces inflammation and boosts the metabolism, which helps keep the weight down.
Bananas keep me going as well. Full of potassium and magnesium, they help the muscles function and assist hydration. Avocado for lunch provides the energy boost to get me through to the afternoon's dose of dark chocolate, for that extra hit of caffeine.
I rely on a cornucopia of performance-enhancing stuff. We all do. Thankfully, though, we're not competing for Olympic gold and there's no random test to check we haven't had an unfair advantage in this competition called life.
It's different for athletes. They face extraordinary scrutiny, with tests to confirm they haven't dosed up on a banned substance. Many fall foul. Heroes to instant zeroes when tests reveal their accomplishments were assisted by nasty chemicals. Probably the best known was Lance Armstrong, winner of the Tour de France seven years in a row. After admitting in 2013 to using banned substances throughout his career, he became sport's persona non grata.
I remember at the time of Armstrong's fall from grace, someone suggesting there should be a competition for drug cheats, an idea that sent a ripple of mirth through the newsroom.
Well, now it's come to pass. Launched this morning in Las Vegas, the Enhanced Games plans to feature athletes who take performance-enhancing substances, all recorded and administered under strict medical supervision. The first to sign up is none other than Australian swimmer James Magnussen, who during his mainstream career reviled doped-up competitors who sought sneaky advantage with performance-enhancing drugs.
Magnussen's been on a diet of peptides and testosterone in preparation for what's now being labelled the "steroid games". By all accounts, he's transformed from the lean missile as he was known into an incredible hulk. The hardest part? Changing his attitude to performance-enhancing substances.
I'm changing my attitude too. Now there's a competition for drug cheats, we might just get through a couple of Olympics that aren't tainted by drug scandals. Imagine that. One contest for the clean, another for the dirty. Crowning glory in both but for different reasons.
But why limit it to athletic pursuits?
We could have parallel stock exchanges, one for people who play by the rules and the other for insider traders.
Scrabble tournaments, one with rules, one without. Trivia nights, where smartphones aren't allowed in one competition but perfectly OK in the other. Chess? A standard tournament and an AI-assisted one.
The possibilities are limitless, so giddying I'm reaching for that second espresso. Just to stay in the game.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Are you likely to follow the Enhanced Games? Is a competition for performance-enhanced athletes long overdue? Is it likely to remove the taint that surrounds international sporting events like the Olympics? What's your performance-enhancing substance of choice? Email us: [e-mail]
SHARE THE LOVE: If you enjoy The Echidna, forward it to a friend so they can sign up, too.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Kosciuszko National Park appears to be on the mend after a brumby cull, but some still question the process taken to control the population. Surveys across the park estimate the wild horse population has been slashed to between 1579 and 5639 in little more than a year.
- As Liberal Party leader Sussan Ley finalises the opposition frontbench after the Nationals' shock exit from the Coalition, MPs representing regional Australians face hits to their earnings and staffing allocations.
- Australia is spending $5 million towards vaccinations in Papua New Guinea after the declaration of a polio outbreak in its close northerly neighbour.
THEY SAID IT: "I've been asked a lot lately if tennis is clean or not. I don't know any more how you judge whether a sport is clean. If one in 100 players is doping, in my eyes that isn't a clean sport." - Andy Murray
YOU SAID IT: No matter how you dress up their separation a stark reality hangs over the Liberal and National parties. If they're ever to govern they'll have to jump back into bed with each other.
"The Nationals are irrelevant already and have been for many years," writes Jane. "Living in a regional electorate, I can safely say that our sitting member has done nothing for the community, save voting along party lines every time (when he even bothers to turn up to vote) and appearing by magic only at election time. The rusted-on Nats voters here can enjoy their echo chamber for now, but the demographic is changing and they, too will become increasingly irrelevant and side-lined."
Daniel from California Gully writes: "The Nationals have forgotten one of the more compelling principles in politics - 'It is better to be in the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in'. The high point for the Nationals was getting Andrew Lethlean a huge swing against the sitting Labor member here in Bendigo. The road back to a share of power will be a long, dusty track through the wilderness as long as they drag along the nuclear policy instead of embracing renewables. For the next two terms of government at least Labor could lay out a program of real and beneficial tax reform and energy policy with virtually no opposition at all. But there is another principle that should not be ignored - 'a good government needs a good opposition'. And right now there simply is no sign of one."
"A functioning and credible opposition is vital to Australian politics," writes Helen. "A toothless opposition will allow any government to coast along, whereas a decent opposition leader, especially, will keep any government on its toes. Sadly, I don't see that happening in this current government. In my late 70s I have seen plenty of both types of opposition."
Sue writes: "I have written before of the need for the Liberals to reach out to the community and understand what Australians want and need before endeavouring to reform and regrow their party. They are so out of touch that building on what they have is unlikely to help them make any improvements. Likewise, the Nats, or gnats as someone so appropriately called them. They buzz around saying annoying things without any apparent understanding of what they are talking about. An attempt some years ago to broaden their appeal caused them to change their name from the Country Party, but with that the only change, no one really noticed anything. After all, a cow turd by any other name ... For many of us, the gnats are already irrelevant."
"Ah yes, nothing screams amicable like passive-aggressive press conferences and deeply buried nuclear grudges," writes Mike. "It's the political equivalent of saying, 'We're still friends', while unfollowing each other on Instagram and dividing up the electoral map like a custody agreement."
Phil from Port Macquarie writes: "I think the Nationals have had an outsized influence on Coalition policies for a number of years due to their close ties to the mining industry. They claim close affinity to the farmers but continue to push policies that always favour big mining industries. But the interesting facts are that their total primary vote share is consistently nowhere near the Greens' vote. This information should be more widely understood. It's just that their voters are in predominantly regional seats with an older demographic. I live in one of those seats. Sky News regional is very popular here. Their transactional approach to politics is being played out in the US now. Does Australia want a return to the old world of transactional politics or progressive change for the future?"
"As Alice says, 'curiouser and curiouser'," writes Bill. "Do the Nats think they can challenge Liberals in regional seats? Three cornered electoral contests are as dumb as dogshit in conservative land! The Nats believe in nuclear for two reasons: it captures the festering rural resentment against new 'renewables' power lines across farms (despite rent payable to cockies) which could favour One Nation; and it keeps their gas benefactors happy. The Nats do not represent the bush anymore. And the question remains: is nuclear a shore-up against the increasing One Nation vote in the bush? One also gets the feeling this is a tactic by Littleproud to stave off another Joyce/Canavan leadership challenge."
Rob, who predicted a coalition split last week, writes: "The Gnats are deluding themselves if they think a step to the right will enable a reconciliation with the Libs or greater political support, even in the regions. A lot of progressive thinkers have infiltrated the regions since COVID. An effective opposition is critical to keeping a government from exceeding its mandate. Until the Coalition reunites and reforms it will not be an electable proposition."
"Here's a thought: maybe all those Liberals who have dragged the party to the right join the National Party and allow the Liberal Party to return to the sensible centre which the election result demands," writes Jill.
Cate writes: "Someone is blowing smoke up the National Party's rear end. They are backing themselves into a nuclear corner that most Australians do not want. Therefore one word should stop them in their tracks - water. No matter what you believe about small modular nuclear reactors versus large fully functional nuclear reactors they all require loads of water (or coolant equivalent) to cover the core. I am no expert on nuclear and I even know this is a fact that can't be disputed. Wishing and hoping and praying will not tell you that Australia is not a dry country, we have drought conditions already in certain areas now and we are going into winter not summer. The Nationals will be as irrelevant as the Liberal Party by doggedly clinging to that false nuclear hope."
"The Coalition will be back renewed and a powerful force in Australian politics," writes Arthur. "The separation will allow both parties to regroup and reorganise. The really worrying thing is that nuclear energy may be a casualty. People who live in the large cities obviously do not want a nuclear power plant in their backyard. They do not realise that people who live in country areas do not want solar farms and wind farms in their backyard. Imagine the outcry if 50 or so wind turbines were built on the Sydney Harbour. Net zero will be difficult to achieve if not impossible without nuclear power. It may take a few blackouts to make people realise that the Nationals are right to support nuclear power. The election results clearly demonstrate there is significant support for the Nationals."
Chris from Taree writes: "I live in a rural coastal area of NSW and astounds me that the Nationals win this seat time and time again. If the NP is still advocating what they took to this election in 2028 they will become more marginalised hopefully. It's hard to see how people see the NP as representing their needs and interests. A credible and functioning opposition comes more from the intelligent and thoughtful independents we now see in parliament. More of them will make a difference to the effectiveness of the Labor government. Here in Lyne we need to get either the ALP vote up or perhaps more likely the independent vote up to topple the NP. It has happened before. Let's hope it will happen again."
"The Liberal Party needs to wake up to the fact that net zero is a dead issue, as is the Paris Accord and this death march to renewables," writes Stuart. "Yes, the climate is changing. Whether that is due to our ever-increasing presence on this planet or a natural occurrence, Australia's contribution will not make the slightest difference. Forget about The Mouse That Roared, most people don't even know we exist! Just drop it!"
Keith writes: "The National Party was a well-established right-wing fringe party before the split, and politically irrelevant to boot. Littleproud's standover tactics are illustrative of the Nats' pathological indifference to the coalition and the concept of representative democracy; but most importantly to the wellbeing of their regional constituents. So their departure from the coalition is fortuitous for all - in fact, it's the first instance we have ever seen of a self-extracting haemorrhoid."
This is a sample of The Echidna newsletter sent out each weekday morning. To sign up for FREE, go to theechidna.com.au
Look, I have to come clean. I'm a dirty cheat.
If everyday life were an Olympic event, I'd have been disqualified years ago for taking performance-enhancing substances. I dose myself up on them every single morning.
A double shot of espresso out of the machine first thing.
The caffeine dilates the blood vessels, then increases heart rate and blood pressure. Oxygen wakes the foggy brain. Alertness comes next. Then the feeling, often short-lived, that today is the day I beat my personal best.
I use other performance-enhancing substances throughout the day. I've a lifelong addiction to chilli. Its active compound, capsaicin, also gets the heart pumping, reduces inflammation and boosts the metabolism, which helps keep the weight down.
Bananas keep me going as well. Full of potassium and magnesium, they help the muscles function and assist hydration. Avocado for lunch provides the energy boost to get me through to the afternoon's dose of dark chocolate, for that extra hit of caffeine.
I rely on a cornucopia of performance-enhancing stuff. We all do. Thankfully, though, we're not competing for Olympic gold and there's no random test to check we haven't had an unfair advantage in this competition called life.
It's different for athletes. They face extraordinary scrutiny, with tests to confirm they haven't dosed up on a banned substance. Many fall foul. Heroes to instant zeroes when tests reveal their accomplishments were assisted by nasty chemicals. Probably the best known was Lance Armstrong, winner of the Tour de France seven years in a row. After admitting in 2013 to using banned substances throughout his career, he became sport's persona non grata.
I remember at the time of Armstrong's fall from grace, someone suggesting there should be a competition for drug cheats, an idea that sent a ripple of mirth through the newsroom.
Well, now it's come to pass. Launched this morning in Las Vegas, the Enhanced Games plans to feature athletes who take performance-enhancing substances, all recorded and administered under strict medical supervision. The first to sign up is none other than Australian swimmer James Magnussen, who during his mainstream career reviled doped-up competitors who sought sneaky advantage with performance-enhancing drugs.
Magnussen's been on a diet of peptides and testosterone in preparation for what's now being labelled the "steroid games". By all accounts, he's transformed from the lean missile as he was known into an incredible hulk. The hardest part? Changing his attitude to performance-enhancing substances.
I'm changing my attitude too. Now there's a competition for drug cheats, we might just get through a couple of Olympics that aren't tainted by drug scandals. Imagine that. One contest for the clean, another for the dirty. Crowning glory in both but for different reasons.
But why limit it to athletic pursuits?
We could have parallel stock exchanges, one for people who play by the rules and the other for insider traders.
Scrabble tournaments, one with rules, one without. Trivia nights, where smartphones aren't allowed in one competition but perfectly OK in the other. Chess? A standard tournament and an AI-assisted one.
The possibilities are limitless, so giddying I'm reaching for that second espresso. Just to stay in the game.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Are you likely to follow the Enhanced Games? Is a competition for performance-enhanced athletes long overdue? Is it likely to remove the taint that surrounds international sporting events like the Olympics? What's your performance-enhancing substance of choice? Email us: [e-mail]
SHARE THE LOVE: If you enjoy The Echidna, forward it to a friend so they can sign up, too.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Kosciuszko National Park appears to be on the mend after a brumby cull, but some still question the process taken to control the population. Surveys across the park estimate the wild horse population has been slashed to between 1579 and 5639 in little more than a year.
- As Liberal Party leader Sussan Ley finalises the opposition frontbench after the Nationals' shock exit from the Coalition, MPs representing regional Australians face hits to their earnings and staffing allocations.
- Australia is spending $5 million towards vaccinations in Papua New Guinea after the declaration of a polio outbreak in its close northerly neighbour.
THEY SAID IT: "I've been asked a lot lately if tennis is clean or not. I don't know any more how you judge whether a sport is clean. If one in 100 players is doping, in my eyes that isn't a clean sport." - Andy Murray
YOU SAID IT: No matter how you dress up their separation a stark reality hangs over the Liberal and National parties. If they're ever to govern they'll have to jump back into bed with each other.
"The Nationals are irrelevant already and have been for many years," writes Jane. "Living in a regional electorate, I can safely say that our sitting member has done nothing for the community, save voting along party lines every time (when he even bothers to turn up to vote) and appearing by magic only at election time. The rusted-on Nats voters here can enjoy their echo chamber for now, but the demographic is changing and they, too will become increasingly irrelevant and side-lined."
Daniel from California Gully writes: "The Nationals have forgotten one of the more compelling principles in politics - 'It is better to be in the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in'. The high point for the Nationals was getting Andrew Lethlean a huge swing against the sitting Labor member here in Bendigo. The road back to a share of power will be a long, dusty track through the wilderness as long as they drag along the nuclear policy instead of embracing renewables. For the next two terms of government at least Labor could lay out a program of real and beneficial tax reform and energy policy with virtually no opposition at all. But there is another principle that should not be ignored - 'a good government needs a good opposition'. And right now there simply is no sign of one."
"A functioning and credible opposition is vital to Australian politics," writes Helen. "A toothless opposition will allow any government to coast along, whereas a decent opposition leader, especially, will keep any government on its toes. Sadly, I don't see that happening in this current government. In my late 70s I have seen plenty of both types of opposition."
Sue writes: "I have written before of the need for the Liberals to reach out to the community and understand what Australians want and need before endeavouring to reform and regrow their party. They are so out of touch that building on what they have is unlikely to help them make any improvements. Likewise, the Nats, or gnats as someone so appropriately called them. They buzz around saying annoying things without any apparent understanding of what they are talking about. An attempt some years ago to broaden their appeal caused them to change their name from the Country Party, but with that the only change, no one really noticed anything. After all, a cow turd by any other name ... For many of us, the gnats are already irrelevant."
"Ah yes, nothing screams amicable like passive-aggressive press conferences and deeply buried nuclear grudges," writes Mike. "It's the political equivalent of saying, 'We're still friends', while unfollowing each other on Instagram and dividing up the electoral map like a custody agreement."
Phil from Port Macquarie writes: "I think the Nationals have had an outsized influence on Coalition policies for a number of years due to their close ties to the mining industry. They claim close affinity to the farmers but continue to push policies that always favour big mining industries. But the interesting facts are that their total primary vote share is consistently nowhere near the Greens' vote. This information should be more widely understood. It's just that their voters are in predominantly regional seats with an older demographic. I live in one of those seats. Sky News regional is very popular here. Their transactional approach to politics is being played out in the US now. Does Australia want a return to the old world of transactional politics or progressive change for the future?"
"As Alice says, 'curiouser and curiouser'," writes Bill. "Do the Nats think they can challenge Liberals in regional seats? Three cornered electoral contests are as dumb as dogshit in conservative land! The Nats believe in nuclear for two reasons: it captures the festering rural resentment against new 'renewables' power lines across farms (despite rent payable to cockies) which could favour One Nation; and it keeps their gas benefactors happy. The Nats do not represent the bush anymore. And the question remains: is nuclear a shore-up against the increasing One Nation vote in the bush? One also gets the feeling this is a tactic by Littleproud to stave off another Joyce/Canavan leadership challenge."
Rob, who predicted a coalition split last week, writes: "The Gnats are deluding themselves if they think a step to the right will enable a reconciliation with the Libs or greater political support, even in the regions. A lot of progressive thinkers have infiltrated the regions since COVID. An effective opposition is critical to keeping a government from exceeding its mandate. Until the Coalition reunites and reforms it will not be an electable proposition."
"Here's a thought: maybe all those Liberals who have dragged the party to the right join the National Party and allow the Liberal Party to return to the sensible centre which the election result demands," writes Jill.
Cate writes: "Someone is blowing smoke up the National Party's rear end. They are backing themselves into a nuclear corner that most Australians do not want. Therefore one word should stop them in their tracks - water. No matter what you believe about small modular nuclear reactors versus large fully functional nuclear reactors they all require loads of water (or coolant equivalent) to cover the core. I am no expert on nuclear and I even know this is a fact that can't be disputed. Wishing and hoping and praying will not tell you that Australia is not a dry country, we have drought conditions already in certain areas now and we are going into winter not summer. The Nationals will be as irrelevant as the Liberal Party by doggedly clinging to that false nuclear hope."
"The Coalition will be back renewed and a powerful force in Australian politics," writes Arthur. "The separation will allow both parties to regroup and reorganise. The really worrying thing is that nuclear energy may be a casualty. People who live in the large cities obviously do not want a nuclear power plant in their backyard. They do not realise that people who live in country areas do not want solar farms and wind farms in their backyard. Imagine the outcry if 50 or so wind turbines were built on the Sydney Harbour. Net zero will be difficult to achieve if not impossible without nuclear power. It may take a few blackouts to make people realise that the Nationals are right to support nuclear power. The election results clearly demonstrate there is significant support for the Nationals."
Chris from Taree writes: "I live in a rural coastal area of NSW and astounds me that the Nationals win this seat time and time again. If the NP is still advocating what they took to this election in 2028 they will become more marginalised hopefully. It's hard to see how people see the NP as representing their needs and interests. A credible and functioning opposition comes more from the intelligent and thoughtful independents we now see in parliament. More of them will make a difference to the effectiveness of the Labor government. Here in Lyne we need to get either the ALP vote up or perhaps more likely the independent vote up to topple the NP. It has happened before. Let's hope it will happen again."
"The Liberal Party needs to wake up to the fact that net zero is a dead issue, as is the Paris Accord and this death march to renewables," writes Stuart. "Yes, the climate is changing. Whether that is due to our ever-increasing presence on this planet or a natural occurrence, Australia's contribution will not make the slightest difference. Forget about The Mouse That Roared, most people don't even know we exist! Just drop it!"
Keith writes: "The National Party was a well-established right-wing fringe party before the split, and politically irrelevant to boot. Littleproud's standover tactics are illustrative of the Nats' pathological indifference to the coalition and the concept of representative democracy; but most importantly to the wellbeing of their regional constituents. So their departure from the coalition is fortuitous for all - in fact, it's the first instance we have ever seen of a self-extracting haemorrhoid."
This is a sample of The Echidna newsletter sent out each weekday morning. To sign up for FREE, go to theechidna.com.au
Look, I have to come clean. I'm a dirty cheat.
If everyday life were an Olympic event, I'd have been disqualified years ago for taking performance-enhancing substances. I dose myself up on them every single morning.
A double shot of espresso out of the machine first thing.
The caffeine dilates the blood vessels, then increases heart rate and blood pressure. Oxygen wakes the foggy brain. Alertness comes next. Then the feeling, often short-lived, that today is the day I beat my personal best.
I use other performance-enhancing substances throughout the day. I've a lifelong addiction to chilli. Its active compound, capsaicin, also gets the heart pumping, reduces inflammation and boosts the metabolism, which helps keep the weight down.
Bananas keep me going as well. Full of potassium and magnesium, they help the muscles function and assist hydration. Avocado for lunch provides the energy boost to get me through to the afternoon's dose of dark chocolate, for that extra hit of caffeine.
I rely on a cornucopia of performance-enhancing stuff. We all do. Thankfully, though, we're not competing for Olympic gold and there's no random test to check we haven't had an unfair advantage in this competition called life.
It's different for athletes. They face extraordinary scrutiny, with tests to confirm they haven't dosed up on a banned substance. Many fall foul. Heroes to instant zeroes when tests reveal their accomplishments were assisted by nasty chemicals. Probably the best known was Lance Armstrong, winner of the Tour de France seven years in a row. After admitting in 2013 to using banned substances throughout his career, he became sport's persona non grata.
I remember at the time of Armstrong's fall from grace, someone suggesting there should be a competition for drug cheats, an idea that sent a ripple of mirth through the newsroom.
Well, now it's come to pass. Launched this morning in Las Vegas, the Enhanced Games plans to feature athletes who take performance-enhancing substances, all recorded and administered under strict medical supervision. The first to sign up is none other than Australian swimmer James Magnussen, who during his mainstream career reviled doped-up competitors who sought sneaky advantage with performance-enhancing drugs.
Magnussen's been on a diet of peptides and testosterone in preparation for what's now being labelled the "steroid games". By all accounts, he's transformed from the lean missile as he was known into an incredible hulk. The hardest part? Changing his attitude to performance-enhancing substances.
I'm changing my attitude too. Now there's a competition for drug cheats, we might just get through a couple of Olympics that aren't tainted by drug scandals. Imagine that. One contest for the clean, another for the dirty. Crowning glory in both but for different reasons.
But why limit it to athletic pursuits?
We could have parallel stock exchanges, one for people who play by the rules and the other for insider traders.
Scrabble tournaments, one with rules, one without. Trivia nights, where smartphones aren't allowed in one competition but perfectly OK in the other. Chess? A standard tournament and an AI-assisted one.
The possibilities are limitless, so giddying I'm reaching for that second espresso. Just to stay in the game.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Are you likely to follow the Enhanced Games? Is a competition for performance-enhanced athletes long overdue? Is it likely to remove the taint that surrounds international sporting events like the Olympics? What's your performance-enhancing substance of choice? Email us: [e-mail]
SHARE THE LOVE: If you enjoy The Echidna, forward it to a friend so they can sign up, too.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Kosciuszko National Park appears to be on the mend after a brumby cull, but some still question the process taken to control the population. Surveys across the park estimate the wild horse population has been slashed to between 1579 and 5639 in little more than a year.
- As Liberal Party leader Sussan Ley finalises the opposition frontbench after the Nationals' shock exit from the Coalition, MPs representing regional Australians face hits to their earnings and staffing allocations.
- Australia is spending $5 million towards vaccinations in Papua New Guinea after the declaration of a polio outbreak in its close northerly neighbour.
THEY SAID IT: "I've been asked a lot lately if tennis is clean or not. I don't know any more how you judge whether a sport is clean. If one in 100 players is doping, in my eyes that isn't a clean sport." - Andy Murray
YOU SAID IT: No matter how you dress up their separation a stark reality hangs over the Liberal and National parties. If they're ever to govern they'll have to jump back into bed with each other.
"The Nationals are irrelevant already and have been for many years," writes Jane. "Living in a regional electorate, I can safely say that our sitting member has done nothing for the community, save voting along party lines every time (when he even bothers to turn up to vote) and appearing by magic only at election time. The rusted-on Nats voters here can enjoy their echo chamber for now, but the demographic is changing and they, too will become increasingly irrelevant and side-lined."
Daniel from California Gully writes: "The Nationals have forgotten one of the more compelling principles in politics - 'It is better to be in the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in'. The high point for the Nationals was getting Andrew Lethlean a huge swing against the sitting Labor member here in Bendigo. The road back to a share of power will be a long, dusty track through the wilderness as long as they drag along the nuclear policy instead of embracing renewables. For the next two terms of government at least Labor could lay out a program of real and beneficial tax reform and energy policy with virtually no opposition at all. But there is another principle that should not be ignored - 'a good government needs a good opposition'. And right now there simply is no sign of one."
"A functioning and credible opposition is vital to Australian politics," writes Helen. "A toothless opposition will allow any government to coast along, whereas a decent opposition leader, especially, will keep any government on its toes. Sadly, I don't see that happening in this current government. In my late 70s I have seen plenty of both types of opposition."
Sue writes: "I have written before of the need for the Liberals to reach out to the community and understand what Australians want and need before endeavouring to reform and regrow their party. They are so out of touch that building on what they have is unlikely to help them make any improvements. Likewise, the Nats, or gnats as someone so appropriately called them. They buzz around saying annoying things without any apparent understanding of what they are talking about. An attempt some years ago to broaden their appeal caused them to change their name from the Country Party, but with that the only change, no one really noticed anything. After all, a cow turd by any other name ... For many of us, the gnats are already irrelevant."
"Ah yes, nothing screams amicable like passive-aggressive press conferences and deeply buried nuclear grudges," writes Mike. "It's the political equivalent of saying, 'We're still friends', while unfollowing each other on Instagram and dividing up the electoral map like a custody agreement."
Phil from Port Macquarie writes: "I think the Nationals have had an outsized influence on Coalition policies for a number of years due to their close ties to the mining industry. They claim close affinity to the farmers but continue to push policies that always favour big mining industries. But the interesting facts are that their total primary vote share is consistently nowhere near the Greens' vote. This information should be more widely understood. It's just that their voters are in predominantly regional seats with an older demographic. I live in one of those seats. Sky News regional is very popular here. Their transactional approach to politics is being played out in the US now. Does Australia want a return to the old world of transactional politics or progressive change for the future?"
"As Alice says, 'curiouser and curiouser'," writes Bill. "Do the Nats think they can challenge Liberals in regional seats? Three cornered electoral contests are as dumb as dogshit in conservative land! The Nats believe in nuclear for two reasons: it captures the festering rural resentment against new 'renewables' power lines across farms (despite rent payable to cockies) which could favour One Nation; and it keeps their gas benefactors happy. The Nats do not represent the bush anymore. And the question remains: is nuclear a shore-up against the increasing One Nation vote in the bush? One also gets the feeling this is a tactic by Littleproud to stave off another Joyce/Canavan leadership challenge."
Rob, who predicted a coalition split last week, writes: "The Gnats are deluding themselves if they think a step to the right will enable a reconciliation with the Libs or greater political support, even in the regions. A lot of progressive thinkers have infiltrated the regions since COVID. An effective opposition is critical to keeping a government from exceeding its mandate. Until the Coalition reunites and reforms it will not be an electable proposition."
"Here's a thought: maybe all those Liberals who have dragged the party to the right join the National Party and allow the Liberal Party to return to the sensible centre which the election result demands," writes Jill.
Cate writes: "Someone is blowing smoke up the National Party's rear end. They are backing themselves into a nuclear corner that most Australians do not want. Therefore one word should stop them in their tracks - water. No matter what you believe about small modular nuclear reactors versus large fully functional nuclear reactors they all require loads of water (or coolant equivalent) to cover the core. I am no expert on nuclear and I even know this is a fact that can't be disputed. Wishing and hoping and praying will not tell you that Australia is not a dry country, we have drought conditions already in certain areas now and we are going into winter not summer. The Nationals will be as irrelevant as the Liberal Party by doggedly clinging to that false nuclear hope."
"The Coalition will be back renewed and a powerful force in Australian politics," writes Arthur. "The separation will allow both parties to regroup and reorganise. The really worrying thing is that nuclear energy may be a casualty. People who live in the large cities obviously do not want a nuclear power plant in their backyard. They do not realise that people who live in country areas do not want solar farms and wind farms in their backyard. Imagine the outcry if 50 or so wind turbines were built on the Sydney Harbour. Net zero will be difficult to achieve if not impossible without nuclear power. It may take a few blackouts to make people realise that the Nationals are right to support nuclear power. The election results clearly demonstrate there is significant support for the Nationals."
Chris from Taree writes: "I live in a rural coastal area of NSW and astounds me that the Nationals win this seat time and time again. If the NP is still advocating what they took to this election in 2028 they will become more marginalised hopefully. It's hard to see how people see the NP as representing their needs and interests. A credible and functioning opposition comes more from the intelligent and thoughtful independents we now see in parliament. More of them will make a difference to the effectiveness of the Labor government. Here in Lyne we need to get either the ALP vote up or perhaps more likely the independent vote up to topple the NP. It has happened before. Let's hope it will happen again."
"The Liberal Party needs to wake up to the fact that net zero is a dead issue, as is the Paris Accord and this death march to renewables," writes Stuart. "Yes, the climate is changing. Whether that is due to our ever-increasing presence on this planet or a natural occurrence, Australia's contribution will not make the slightest difference. Forget about The Mouse That Roared, most people don't even know we exist! Just drop it!"
Keith writes: "The National Party was a well-established right-wing fringe party before the split, and politically irrelevant to boot. Littleproud's standover tactics are illustrative of the Nats' pathological indifference to the coalition and the concept of representative democracy; but most importantly to the wellbeing of their regional constituents. So their departure from the coalition is fortuitous for all - in fact, it's the first instance we have ever seen of a self-extracting haemorrhoid."
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Look, I have to come clean. I'm a dirty cheat.
If everyday life were an Olympic event, I'd have been disqualified years ago for taking performance-enhancing substances. I dose myself up on them every single morning.
A double shot of espresso out of the machine first thing.
The caffeine dilates the blood vessels, then increases heart rate and blood pressure. Oxygen wakes the foggy brain. Alertness comes next. Then the feeling, often short-lived, that today is the day I beat my personal best.
I use other performance-enhancing substances throughout the day. I've a lifelong addiction to chilli. Its active compound, capsaicin, also gets the heart pumping, reduces inflammation and boosts the metabolism, which helps keep the weight down.
Bananas keep me going as well. Full of potassium and magnesium, they help the muscles function and assist hydration. Avocado for lunch provides the energy boost to get me through to the afternoon's dose of dark chocolate, for that extra hit of caffeine.
I rely on a cornucopia of performance-enhancing stuff. We all do. Thankfully, though, we're not competing for Olympic gold and there's no random test to check we haven't had an unfair advantage in this competition called life.
It's different for athletes. They face extraordinary scrutiny, with tests to confirm they haven't dosed up on a banned substance. Many fall foul. Heroes to instant zeroes when tests reveal their accomplishments were assisted by nasty chemicals. Probably the best known was Lance Armstrong, winner of the Tour de France seven years in a row. After admitting in 2013 to using banned substances throughout his career, he became sport's persona non grata.
I remember at the time of Armstrong's fall from grace, someone suggesting there should be a competition for drug cheats, an idea that sent a ripple of mirth through the newsroom.
Well, now it's come to pass. Launched this morning in Las Vegas, the Enhanced Games plans to feature athletes who take performance-enhancing substances, all recorded and administered under strict medical supervision. The first to sign up is none other than Australian swimmer James Magnussen, who during his mainstream career reviled doped-up competitors who sought sneaky advantage with performance-enhancing drugs.
Magnussen's been on a diet of peptides and testosterone in preparation for what's now being labelled the "steroid games". By all accounts, he's transformed from the lean missile as he was known into an incredible hulk. The hardest part? Changing his attitude to performance-enhancing substances.
I'm changing my attitude too. Now there's a competition for drug cheats, we might just get through a couple of Olympics that aren't tainted by drug scandals. Imagine that. One contest for the clean, another for the dirty. Crowning glory in both but for different reasons.
But why limit it to athletic pursuits?
We could have parallel stock exchanges, one for people who play by the rules and the other for insider traders.
Scrabble tournaments, one with rules, one without. Trivia nights, where smartphones aren't allowed in one competition but perfectly OK in the other. Chess? A standard tournament and an AI-assisted one.
The possibilities are limitless, so giddying I'm reaching for that second espresso. Just to stay in the game.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Are you likely to follow the Enhanced Games? Is a competition for performance-enhanced athletes long overdue? Is it likely to remove the taint that surrounds international sporting events like the Olympics? What's your performance-enhancing substance of choice? Email us: [e-mail]
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Kosciuszko National Park appears to be on the mend after a brumby cull, but some still question the process taken to control the population. Surveys across the park estimate the wild horse population has been slashed to between 1579 and 5639 in little more than a year.
- As Liberal Party leader Sussan Ley finalises the opposition frontbench after the Nationals' shock exit from the Coalition, MPs representing regional Australians face hits to their earnings and staffing allocations.
- Australia is spending $5 million towards vaccinations in Papua New Guinea after the declaration of a polio outbreak in its close northerly neighbour.
THEY SAID IT: "I've been asked a lot lately if tennis is clean or not. I don't know any more how you judge whether a sport is clean. If one in 100 players is doping, in my eyes that isn't a clean sport." - Andy Murray
YOU SAID IT: No matter how you dress up their separation a stark reality hangs over the Liberal and National parties. If they're ever to govern they'll have to jump back into bed with each other.
"The Nationals are irrelevant already and have been for many years," writes Jane. "Living in a regional electorate, I can safely say that our sitting member has done nothing for the community, save voting along party lines every time (when he even bothers to turn up to vote) and appearing by magic only at election time. The rusted-on Nats voters here can enjoy their echo chamber for now, but the demographic is changing and they, too will become increasingly irrelevant and side-lined."
Daniel from California Gully writes: "The Nationals have forgotten one of the more compelling principles in politics - 'It is better to be in the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in'. The high point for the Nationals was getting Andrew Lethlean a huge swing against the sitting Labor member here in Bendigo. The road back to a share of power will be a long, dusty track through the wilderness as long as they drag along the nuclear policy instead of embracing renewables. For the next two terms of government at least Labor could lay out a program of real and beneficial tax reform and energy policy with virtually no opposition at all. But there is another principle that should not be ignored - 'a good government needs a good opposition'. And right now there simply is no sign of one."
"A functioning and credible opposition is vital to Australian politics," writes Helen. "A toothless opposition will allow any government to coast along, whereas a decent opposition leader, especially, will keep any government on its toes. Sadly, I don't see that happening in this current government. In my late 70s I have seen plenty of both types of opposition."
Sue writes: "I have written before of the need for the Liberals to reach out to the community and understand what Australians want and need before endeavouring to reform and regrow their party. They are so out of touch that building on what they have is unlikely to help them make any improvements. Likewise, the Nats, or gnats as someone so appropriately called them. They buzz around saying annoying things without any apparent understanding of what they are talking about. An attempt some years ago to broaden their appeal caused them to change their name from the Country Party, but with that the only change, no one really noticed anything. After all, a cow turd by any other name ... For many of us, the gnats are already irrelevant."
"Ah yes, nothing screams amicable like passive-aggressive press conferences and deeply buried nuclear grudges," writes Mike. "It's the political equivalent of saying, 'We're still friends', while unfollowing each other on Instagram and dividing up the electoral map like a custody agreement."
Phil from Port Macquarie writes: "I think the Nationals have had an outsized influence on Coalition policies for a number of years due to their close ties to the mining industry. They claim close affinity to the farmers but continue to push policies that always favour big mining industries. But the interesting facts are that their total primary vote share is consistently nowhere near the Greens' vote. This information should be more widely understood. It's just that their voters are in predominantly regional seats with an older demographic. I live in one of those seats. Sky News regional is very popular here. Their transactional approach to politics is being played out in the US now. Does Australia want a return to the old world of transactional politics or progressive change for the future?"
"As Alice says, 'curiouser and curiouser'," writes Bill. "Do the Nats think they can challenge Liberals in regional seats? Three cornered electoral contests are as dumb as dogshit in conservative land! The Nats believe in nuclear for two reasons: it captures the festering rural resentment against new 'renewables' power lines across farms (despite rent payable to cockies) which could favour One Nation; and it keeps their gas benefactors happy. The Nats do not represent the bush anymore. And the question remains: is nuclear a shore-up against the increasing One Nation vote in the bush? One also gets the feeling this is a tactic by Littleproud to stave off another Joyce/Canavan leadership challenge."
Rob, who predicted a coalition split last week, writes: "The Gnats are deluding themselves if they think a step to the right will enable a reconciliation with the Libs or greater political support, even in the regions. A lot of progressive thinkers have infiltrated the regions since COVID. An effective opposition is critical to keeping a government from exceeding its mandate. Until the Coalition reunites and reforms it will not be an electable proposition."
"Here's a thought: maybe all those Liberals who have dragged the party to the right join the National Party and allow the Liberal Party to return to the sensible centre which the election result demands," writes Jill.
Cate writes: "Someone is blowing smoke up the National Party's rear end. They are backing themselves into a nuclear corner that most Australians do not want. Therefore one word should stop them in their tracks - water. No matter what you believe about small modular nuclear reactors versus large fully functional nuclear reactors they all require loads of water (or coolant equivalent) to cover the core. I am no expert on nuclear and I even know this is a fact that can't be disputed. Wishing and hoping and praying will not tell you that Australia is not a dry country, we have drought conditions already in certain areas now and we are going into winter not summer. The Nationals will be as irrelevant as the Liberal Party by doggedly clinging to that false nuclear hope."
"The Coalition will be back renewed and a powerful force in Australian politics," writes Arthur. "The separation will allow both parties to regroup and reorganise. The really worrying thing is that nuclear energy may be a casualty. People who live in the large cities obviously do not want a nuclear power plant in their backyard. They do not realise that people who live in country areas do not want solar farms and wind farms in their backyard. Imagine the outcry if 50 or so wind turbines were built on the Sydney Harbour. Net zero will be difficult to achieve if not impossible without nuclear power. It may take a few blackouts to make people realise that the Nationals are right to support nuclear power. The election results clearly demonstrate there is significant support for the Nationals."
Chris from Taree writes: "I live in a rural coastal area of NSW and astounds me that the Nationals win this seat time and time again. If the NP is still advocating what they took to this election in 2028 they will become more marginalised hopefully. It's hard to see how people see the NP as representing their needs and interests. A credible and functioning opposition comes more from the intelligent and thoughtful independents we now see in parliament. More of them will make a difference to the effectiveness of the Labor government. Here in Lyne we need to get either the ALP vote up or perhaps more likely the independent vote up to topple the NP. It has happened before. Let's hope it will happen again."
"The Liberal Party needs to wake up to the fact that net zero is a dead issue, as is the Paris Accord and this death march to renewables," writes Stuart. "Yes, the climate is changing. Whether that is due to our ever-increasing presence on this planet or a natural occurrence, Australia's contribution will not make the slightest difference. Forget about The Mouse That Roared, most people don't even know we exist! Just drop it!"
Keith writes: "The National Party was a well-established right-wing fringe party before the split, and politically irrelevant to boot. Littleproud's standover tactics are illustrative of the Nats' pathological indifference to the coalition and the concept of representative democracy; but most importantly to the wellbeing of their regional constituents. So their departure from the coalition is fortuitous for all - in fact, it's the first instance we have ever seen of a self-extracting haemorrhoid."