Teens need more chances to experience awe. Here's how to do it

CNN

6 days ago

EDITOR'S NOTE: Deborah Farmer Kris is a child development specialist and the author of 'Raising Awe-Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive.' Find her at Parenthood365.
My teenage daughter recently convinced me to take her to an art exhibit in Boston. The traffic was a predictable nightmare, over an hour to travel 15 miles, and we had to park almost a mile away. But when your teenager wants to do something with you, you do it.
When I saw my daughter's face light up as she roamed the galleries admiring the art-inspired floral displays, that stress melted away.
As we left the museum, we talked about the upside of the crowds — people were going out of their way to look at beautiful art in the midst of a world torn by war, political division and very real worries They were also making time for awe.
I have spent the past four years researching how the emotion of awe can support our children while writing my first book for adults, 'Raising Awe-Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive.'
That awe my daughter and I experienced is an emotional superfood. Wonder supports our mental, physical, and emotional well-being, according to research out of the University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, a research center focused on the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being.
Awe prompts us to be kinder and humbler. It quiets mental chatter, increases curiosity and helps us feel connected to other people. It has even been found to reduce biomarkers of stress and inflammation.
'Don't underestimate the power of goosebumps,' as awe researcher and University of California, Berkeley distinguished psychology professor Dacher Keltner likes to say,
It's easy to talk about young kids and wonder — how a 3-year-old's eyes grow wide when they find a robin's nest. But I'm even more interested in how this emotion can support today's teenagers.
We know that too many teens are stressed-out, overprogrammed, lonely and screen saturated. But they are also at an age where their rapid brain development and heightened emotional sensitivity prime them to feel wonder.
Here are three ways to help your teens tap into this protective emotion, and they might reawaken your sense of wonder as well.
Young teens are in the throes of identity formation. The activities that bring them joy in fifth grade may all get thrown out the window by eighth grade. Over the course of two years, my oldest child dropped scouting, horseback riding and piano. After some experimenting, she found her way to community theater, art and a local track club.
I had signed her up for Girl Scouts and piano years earlier, but adolescence is the time for them to figure out which hats fit them best. Even though it's normal and necessary, this period of rapid change can be confusing to both parents and teens. I used to teach middle school and often heard parents lament, 'I hardly recognize my kid anymore.'
How about we replace that lament with 'radical curiosity?' Harvard University psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger introduced me to the phrase as a mindful parenting practice. Look at your child and ask yourself, 'What's one thing about this kid I haven't noticed before?' It can be anything, he told me — even the new way they are parting their hair. Radical curiosity also helps us tune into what brings them wonder, especially when that seems to change every month.
What lights them up this month? When we notice their curiosity, we can nurture it. A fascination with 'The Lord of the Rings' books and movies leads them to try a Dungeons & Dragons club. If their face brightens when working with small children or animals, perhaps there's a volunteer opportunity you can help them find.
Notice what makes your teens say 'wow' — what gives them goosebumps or expands their minds in beautiful ways. That's how to learn more about who they are right now and who they might become. When we pay attention to our kids' sources of awe, we validate their experiences and invite them to keep exploring.
The best part about awe is how ordinary and accessible it is. It doesn't require expensive equipment or a fancy family vacation. In fact, Keltner describes awe as an 'everyday emotion' that we can access during a morning walk or while cheering on the home team.
Over the past 20 years, researchers have examined what types of experiences elicit awe. People around the world reported feeling this emotion while exploring nature, enjoying art and music, and contemplating big ideas. Perhaps surprisingly, the most common source of everyday wonder came from observing other people being kind and brave. We are inspired by human goodness.
Another source of awe that particularly resonates with teens is collective effervescence. That's the feeling that comes from working with others toward a common goal — the electricity that you feel cheering with a crowd, passing the soccer ball to your teammates during a big game or singing with a choir. For our kids, it's the feeling of belonging to something bigger than themselves.
Knowing these sources of awe is a useful mental framework for parents and teens, and it can help us seek out meaningful experiences. Where can we see art in our community? What music currently brings my kids joy — and can I have it playing in the car when I pick them up? How can we become more connected with our local community? What club or sport might be worth trying? What neighbor needs our help? What are some 'good news' moments we can share with each other? How can we all get outside this weekend, for even a few minutes?
Teens are astute anthropologists of human behavior. If we want them to feel more of this amazing human emotion, we must become awe-seekers and awe-sharers ourselves. I don't mean we need to approach this in a canned way – no teen wants to hear mom's daily 'good news minute.' Instead, look for ways authentically share those small moments of wonder that you stumble upon.
Here's something that has worked for me.
Since diving into the research on awe, I've started to follow more nature photographers and artists on social media. The more I choose to follow these types of accounts, the more the apps' algorithms work in my favor. Makeup tips have been replaced by ridiculously beautiful birds. Inspired by these photos, I started a practice I call 'something beautiful every day.' I look for one beautiful thing — a flower on my walk, a song or story, a picture or quote — and I text it to a dear friend who lives 2000 miles away. Sharing amplified my feelings of wonder and helped me feel connected across the miles
After a few months of this practice, I thought, 'Why not send these to my teen, too?'
Now I often text my daughter my daily photo, quote, story, song or goosebump-inducing reel. And guess what? She started to send me more art, photos and adorable videos of ducks and baby sheep. It's a beautiful counterbalance to other headlines and images that cross my screen, a reminder of the everyday beauty we can find in this messy world.
I underestimated how valuable this medium of communication would be for our parent-child relationship — these daily windows into what we each find wonder-ful. Screen time is a never-ending parenting dilemma. As psychologist and HEC Paris business professor Craig Anderson told me, most of the apps we use are not designed to make us feel awe. Nor do they prioritize our well-being, he said.
Instead, 'they're designed to keep us in front of the app.' If you want to feel the benefits of 'noticing things like the flowers blooming or the light filtering through the leaves on the trees,' Anderson said, 'your attention can't be wrapped up in a phone.'
To which I add, if we can purposefully use a bit of our screen time as a tool for sharing beauty with our teens — and others we love, perhaps we can change our internal algorithm and bend it toward awe.
Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN's Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being.