'Taking my rapist to court was worse than what he did to me'

Metro

a day ago

When Danielle* was raped, it was by someone she knew. A few years on, she still finds it hard to say the word.
It's no surprise given all she's been through – but the damage isn't just down to her attacker, she's also been left traumatised by the justice system.
Danielle tells Metro that the day after her assault, she phoned the police only to be told by an officer: 'Do you really think it's a good idea to report this?'
'He explained to me what I was likely to experience and implied that I shouldn't bother. He terrified me,' she remembers.
It took nine months for Danielle to find the strength to officially report her assault and another four years before the case went to trial – only for the defendant to be found not guilty.
Waiting years for a rape case to go to court only to see the person who assaulted you get off isn't unusual in the UK.
Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) statistics reveal that of the 68,000 rapes reported to police in England and Wales in the year ending 2023, only 5% resulted in a charge. Of that figure, just 2.9% ended in a conviction.
No one, simple reason explains such low conviction rates; but ongoing beliefs in rape myths and the huge burden placed on victims to supply evidence certainly helps to create barriers and prevent rape survivors from rarely get justice. According to the 2021 London Rape Review, 65% of rape cases result in the victim eventually withdrawing from the process.
'Throughout my whole case, the person who gathered the evidence was me,' explains Danielle, who is in her thirties. 'For example, I'd spoken to helplines the day after the rape, but the detective said they had tried to gain the transcripts and it wasn't possible. It took a lot of time, but I managed to get the transcripts myself.'
Danielle also discovered that despite calling the police the day after her rape, no record of it had been logged. 'Thankfully, the day after it had happened, I wrote about it in a Word document so I didn't have to rely on my memory nine months later,' she says.
'Then, about a year and a half in, the police were just ignoring my emails. Eventually, it took another person coming forward, with a report about the same person, to give me the strength to carry on.'
Gina* also faced challenges the moment she tried to report her rape by a family friend when she was 17.
'I attempted to put it in a statement – the whole history on one piece of paper – but I have dyslexia and ADHD and I can't write everything down the way I want to,' she explains to Metro.
'Afterwards, an officer rang and said: 'We're not going to take it further. Reading what you've put, we don't think he's done anything wrong'. I couldn't catch my breath.'
Gina begged them to take the case and eventually it was handed to a different officer who invited her to a video interview.
However, on the day, the officer rang to tell Gina she had missed her 10am appointment, which she had noted down as being at midday. After tearfully pleaded with them the officer relented, on the condition she came to the station immediately.
According to Rape Crisis, 6.5million women in England and Wales have been raped or sexually assaulted, but 5 in 6 women don't report rape
The number of sexual offences in England and Wales reached a record high of 193,566 in in the year ending March 2022
UCL research found that rape offences have the highest not guilty plea rate of any offence (85%) and this has been the case consistently for 15 years
ONS data reveals almost half of all rapes are perpetrated by a woman's partner or ex-partner, and End Violence Against Women have said that the victim knows the perpetrator in 85% of cases
The ONS also found that more than 1 in 5 victims were unconscious or asleep when they were raped
'I threw clothes on and got a taxi, then the officer came out and said, 'Oh, sorry, you were right, it was 12 o'clock'. I felt exhausted before I'd even started,' she remembers. 'Maybe, if the police had asked 'How do you want to communicate this to us?' it would give survivors more control of their story.'
Gina adds that she also felt the female officer in charge of her case gave her many 'false promises'.
'She kept saying that she would ring every Friday. But every time I would stand beside my phone, shaking, and she never called. In the end I emailed her and she replied: 'you do realise we're busy? It isn't just you'.
'I was really upset, and I started to become quite anxious about asking if there were updates. I almost felt like I was forgotten about.'
The 2025 Code of Practice for Victims of Crime in England and Wales states that victims should be 'provided with information about the investigation and prosecution' and includes a clause that police must ask victims how often they would like to receive updates, as well as their preferred method of contact.
It took two years before Gina was finally told that her case wouldn't progress to court.
'Their attitude was, we can't do anything, there's no evidence. That was it – no support, nothing,' she recalls.
It was only after speaking to a member of the CPS that Gina felt acknowledged. 'She told me, 'Professionally we can't prove that he's done this, but I believe you, and so does everybody else'. They were really compassionate.'
According to Michaela-Clare Addison, Sexual Violence National Lead at Victim Support, police investigations into rape are a long, complex process for victim-survivors.
'Most come to the investigation with no idea what to expect or how long it could take. Many say they felt like the ones being investigated,' she tells Metro.
A 2024 report from Victim Support found that one-third (36%) of respondents had been asked what they did to stop the offence while it was happening, while 33% had faced accusations that they were pursuing justice as a way to seek revenge.
Addison adds that someone's experience during the court process is just as important as the outcome or verdict. 'Some have described not feeling like they had received justice, despite a guilty conviction,' she explains.
'Victim-survivors need to be treated with dignity and respect, know they have been listened to and believed. Yet critical support has been put in jeopardy by recent government cuts to victims' services funding, which has far-reaching implications.'
Although police are mandated to investigate every rape allegation they receive, it is often a lengthy and fraught process, where survivors report being forced to repeat details to different professionals with varying levels of training.
Julia* is one of the 50% of rape survivors attacked by her then-partner, and has experienced this.
Her relationship involved narcissistic abuse 'which I know not everybody understands, but when you're trying to explain it to a police officer that doesn't have a clue, it makes you feel worse,' she tells Metro.
After reporting her assault, Julia became scared of what her partner might do, so tried to withdraw her statement. However, she was told they had to follow it up and an officer would come to her home.
'I was very anxious,' she recalls. 'When she turned up she was bright and breezy and straight away said, 'I don't know why I'm here, I don't know any details'. That was my first shock.'
Then, at one point, the officer told Julia: 'something along the lines of, ''Don't worry, you'll meet someone else'. I didn't feel that she was very professional or understood at all. I really couldn't wait for her to leave.'
Several days later, Julia was informed by the police that she'd been noted as 'refusing' to cooperate. 'They kept using words like 'unwilling'. I felt like I was in trouble, like I'd done something wrong – that I was a problem.'
Despite her officially withdrawing from the process, Julia couldn't shake the feeling that it meant her partner had got away with attacking her. Eventually she went back to the police, only to be told it was too late, as over six months had elapsed between the rape and her reporting it.
'But that's actually not correct information,' she explains. 'If it's a sexual assault, there is no time limit.'
The challenge of providing physical evidence is another major barrier to justice for many rape survivors. Forensic examinations, though optional, can be painful, humiliating and stressful, and have to be carried out within seven days of the rape.
The issue is even more pronounced for historical rapes. For Julia, providing evidence meant handing over her phone. 'My phone was initially taken for just a few days, then the CPS wanted it looked at in more detail and it was gone for about a month. Most victims want to be as helpful as possible, so we say yes to pretty much everything.'
However, she points out: 'His phone wasn't taken. I'm still quite angry about that. His messages, his photos, his everything – they weren't of any interest'.
At 85%, rape offences have the highest not guilty plea rate of any crime (this has been the case consistently for the last 15 years) and many survivors feel the odds are against them from the outset.
'I met my barrister for the first time about half an hour before going into court,' recalls Danielle. 'I said to him that I had called the police after the rape and he gave the detective a look like, 'why the hell do I not know that?' In that moment my heart sank; I thought, 'he's not done his job and there is nothing I can do'.'
And it only got worse for her.
'Whoever was cross examining me, destroyed me. She claimed that I'd led him on, that it was my fault and said the actual physical rape didn't happen at all. My god, she did a fantastic job of tearing me to pieces. I have strength in me, I can speak up, but she broke me.'
When the not guilty verdict came through, Danielle says her whole world 'collapsed'.
'I remember thinking, my life has been ruined for the last four plus years, and for what? I hadn't had any income as I couldn't work, no relationships, friendships broken. I do believe in justice and speaking up,' she adds, 'but it destroyed my life.'
For Julia, the court process was 'worse than what he did. When he raped me, it was just me and just him. However, when you go to court you are humiliated and degraded in front of a whole courtroom of people.
'I was with my independent sexual violence adviser (ISVA) in a little room and waited for hours to be called to give evidence. Eventually my ISVA went to investigate and came back saying, 'They've been to lunch!' No-one told us so we just sat there, thinking I could be called anytime.
'The only reason every single person was in that courtroom was because of me, and they forgot about me.'
As with other crimes, the burden of proof to secure a rape conviction is 'beyond a reasonable doubt'. Yet the task of convincing a 12-person jury that a rape undisputedly took place, that there is no alternative explanation, is formidable and exhausting, especially in cases where it's one person's word against another's.
For Gina, Danielle and Julia, the main motivation for reporting their rapist was to protect others. But they are all still reckoning with their decision.
'Before the trial, I felt really powerful, and hopeful, and I felt like I was doing such a good thing,' remembers Julia. 'But the trial and the not guilty verdict takes all of that away. After, I would wake up at night, thinking I wish I'd said this or that. It was just horrendous.' More Trending
Gina says she still suffers nightmares and flashbacks every day. 'It's always on the front of my brain, especially the way the police were. I think if we were treated with more kindness I could accept things a bit more.
' He wasn't convicted, but there are triggers I have to deal with every day – it could be like a certain song or a certain smell. He's living his life whileI've got this prison sentence.'
* Names have been changed
A Crown Prosecution Service spokesperson said: 'The number of rape cases we charge has more than doubled since January 2021 from 491 to 1,122 this quarter.
'Although the burden of proof is on prosecutors to provide the evidence to get a guilty verdict, no victim should ever be made to feel as if they are on trial.
'We are working alongside others in the criminal justice system to deliver a more supportive service for victims so fewer drop out of the process and reduce delays – and recent figures show we are making vital progress in both these areas.
'We now have dedicated victim liaison officers in every CPS area working with Independent Sexual Violence Advisors to help victims of rape navigate court proceedings, and offer them a pre-trial meeting with a member of our prosecution team to discuss the trial process and support we can put in place.'
Chief Constable Sarah Crew, national policing lead for rape and sexual offences, told Metro: 'The effective investigation and prosecution of rape is one of the most important challenges facing the criminal justice system.
'We are working hard in policing to improve our response to rape and sexual offences, and all 43 police forces in England and Wales have signed up to Operation Soteria, a transformational approach to the investigation of rape and sexual offences.
'One of the key principles of Soteria is placing the needs of the victim at the heart of an investigation, ensuring transparency and communication throughout the investigative process.
'By providing better support for victims and shifting our focus to the perpetrator's behaviour, we are starting to rebuild trust and confidence, and we are seeing a steep increase in arrests and charges.
'If you have been a victim of rape or sexual assault, I urge you to come forward and report this to the police. Your report will be treated sensitively, and we will listen and investigate with respect and empathy. We work closely with Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) and Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVAs) and we would urge anyone who is not comfortable with going to the police to use these independent specialist services instead.'
APCC Joint Victims Leads, PCCs Clare Moody and Matthew Scott, said:
'It takes great courage to report a rape, so it is vital that victims and survivors of this terrifying and traumatising experience are placed front and centre of the criminal justice system. Far too few cases of rape make it to court and those that do can take years to reach trial, so the process must ensure victims are – and feel – listened to, informed, and treated with fairness and dignity if we are to encourage the reporting of sexual offences.
'Police and Crime Commissioners (PCCs), elected to act as the public's voice in policing, are key to ensuring victims know and understand the support to which they are entitled, and to ensuring that the highest quality and consistent support is available. We provide vital services such as Independent Sexual Violence Advisers, therapy and counselling in order to help victims directly.
'As PCCs, we hold our Forces to account to make sure they are delivering their obligations under the Victims Code. We promote victims' rights and support them in challenging the system when things go wrong.
'PCCs fully support the government's pledge to halve violence against women and girls within a decade. In the meantime, it is critical victims of crime can access timely support as they cope with and recover from the trauma they have experienced and navigate their way through an unfamiliar and complex criminal justice system. We will continue to work with our partners to deliver the best outcomes for victims.'
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