Shameless Lions cash-in was left in the smoke by the Pope's unveiling

Telegraph

08-05-2025

Next to the British and Irish Lions squad announcement, the Vatican's process in selecting the Pope seems short, sharp and punchy.
This unveiling was not merely drawn out, it was hung-drawn-and-quartered, as they slowly, brutally and mercilessly drained the viewers of every last drop of enthusiasm for a concept that perhaps should, strictly on this evidence, self-ruinous excess. It is so far from what it set it out to be when 23 left these shores for Australia 126 years ago. Granted, modernisation and monetisation are inevitable, but it is allowable not to like this 'progress', even if you are accused of being a grandfather shouting at the clouds.
Yet at least this excruciating experience served to confirm, once and for all, the primary objective of the Lions – to make dosh. Yes, lifelong memories as well, and highlight reels that can last Sky Sports up until New Zealand in 2029 (unless Saudi Arabia come in with a bid)... but principally about grabbing more than the Lions' share.
Let us be clear, this was not a Conclave, it was a con-job and you can only feel the utmost pity for those poor 'fans' who actually forked out £60 for the privilege of sitting there for up to three hours to hear a list of 38 names.
Well, by the time it came for Ieuan Evans - a man ironically known for his pace on the field - there were only 37 to go through, as we had already been breathlessly informed that Maro Itoje was the captain.
'There's only so many ways to talk about him without mentioning his name,' said Lee McKenzie, the presenter entrusted with trying to drum up some excitement and intrigue. That thankless task took at least 20 minutes, despite Itoje's obvious failure to read the memo. 'I have no words,' he said. Maro, this entire event was about words. Words, words, words. Most of which were 'honour'. Turning up at the 02 Arena without words was like turning up at Lions HQ without a chequebook. The Lions reap tonight.
This was nothing more than an oval-ball filibuster, designed transparently and unashamedly to allow every sponsor the spotlight and the only mystery is why the Lions sales staff could not get the Waffle House on board. While it must have been spine-tingling for the wannabes, in both its ecstasy and euphoria, to the average pundit it was so frustratingly tedious.
You know a spectacle is unworthy of the billing when a sporting chief executive receives a round of applause, although maybe the audience was simply acknowledging the sheer chutzpah and cheek of Ben Calveley to put this farce together and actually transform what might have been an email into a cash bonanza.
Did anyone understand the mural thing? They started off the show with a two-minute interview with the 'murallist' - if that is how they are known - and then revealed that it is being painted in Whitechapel, which is, of course, the epicentre of rugby union interest in Britain and Ireland. The manor once had the Kray Twins, now they have the Curry brothers, except they don't because Ben was about the only flanker in the northern hemisphere to miss out.
Each of the Lions names were quickly inked in on the mural, with McKenzie imploring Itoje to be impressed and yes, 'honoured' to see his name in the top right-hand corner. At least Banksy can't touch him up there.
The artists really cracking on with the Lions mural at Whitechapel after today's squad announcement.
Great attention to detail with the accent over the O in Rónan, too. pic.twitter.com/rI5PPfJmyw
— Charles Richardson (@CRichardsonTel) May 8, 2025
McKenzie was the perfect choice and not just because in her normal day job in F1 she is used to nothing much happening apart from the lights going on and everyone going around and around in circles. She is professional and somehow kept it all together, regardless of the fact that she kept on having to say 'let's remind ourselves…', which is the ultimate kick-to-touch of any presenter.
McKenzie was assisted by Ugo Monye and, of course, head coach Andy Farrell. He is not known for his raconteur qualities and must have wondered what on earth was expected of him as the hype dial was turned up to maximum. It was all so over-the-top, Farrell must have been worried that they had messed up and appointed him to lead a pole vault team. So grandiose, so much faux importance, so much, for the want of a better phrase, 'total b------s'.
The tone was as if a party of superheroes had been assembled to boldly go up there and save our galaxy, not to go down there and defeat the eighth ranked team in the world, who were beaten 40-6 by Wales in their last but one win before embarking on a 17-match losing run that remains ongoing.
By the way, there was only thing worse than being British and Irish and watching this announcement – being Welsh and watching this announcement. To think, the village of Bancyfelin (population: 300) boasted two players in the 2013 squad. Now, 12 years on, the entire nation (population: three million) has the same number of representatives. That is some downfall and, for some of us, made this absurd extravaganza yet more painful to suffer. White smoke over red smoke, any day.