Row Z's end of season special: Gianni Infantino takes on Cristiano Ronaldo for the humility award
Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic's weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday throughout the 2024-25 season we have brought you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the sport we all love.
We'll end on a high (low) note today with the Row Z 2024-25 Season Awards. Good luck Gianni, we're all rooting for you…
Honourable mention: Al Nassr
When a YouTuber named Abu Omar dared to do an innocent impression of supervillain Lionel Messi at the home of Cristiano Ronaldo, Al Nassr gave a calm and measured response.
'What happened yesterday inside the dressing room in terms of individual (irresponsible) actions is unacceptable by some people who do not appreciate the value of the party they represent, nor the place and entity that left it.'
Runner-up: Chelsea
If they weren't selling the women's team to themselves to help balance the books, or being busy compiling the most expensive football squad of all time so they could win a trophy having been pitted against part-timers and farmers, Chelsea were making a firm stand on racism.
July 2024: Midfielder Enzo Fernandez was filmed singing an offensive song about France's black players, who included Wesley Fofana, after winning the Copa America with Argentina.
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Fofana called it 'uninhibited racism'. He later accepted an apology from his team-mate and said he 'did not understand' what he was singing, with Fernandez making a sizeable donation to an anti-discrimination charity that Chelsea then match-funded. Fernandez also apologised in public with a post on social media.
August 2024: Chelsea handed Fernandez the captain's armband.
Winner: Manchester United
What a season they've had! Some highlights…
Sacking sporting director Dan Ashworth five months after spending £2.5million ($3.4m) to lure him from Newcastle. Sacking head coach Eric ten Hag and his staff (which cost them £10.4m) a few months after bankrolling Ten Hag's summer transfer spending to the tune of around £200m. And then spending another £11m hiring Ruben Amorim and his six coaching staff.
No wonder they had to double some ticket prices for older people and kids, what with a leaky roof to fix as well.
It's been a hell of a run for INEOS and Sir Jim Ratcliffe, who took over a football club sixth in the Premier League and have currently rooted them in 15th. At least the women's team reached the FA Cup final, not that Sir Jim was able to attend for the second season in a row, having earlier turfed the team out of their own training ground building and told them to use portacabins.
Then there were hundreds of redundancies, the cancelling of free lunches and Christmas parties, the organisation of a barbecue to celebrate winning the Europa League (which didn't go too well). Oh, and they designed a new stadium that looks like a circus tent.
It's important to remember the INEOS mantra at times like these: 'Best in class.'
'Morale will be driven by success on the pitch,' Ratcliffe predicted in December. 'We want people here who are either happy or unhappy on a Monday morning depending on what happened at the weekend.'
How's that going? Well, United were last seen throwing their goalkeeper up for a corner in stoppage time during a 1-0 defeat to ASEAN All-Stars. Club morale might need checking on.
Runner-up: Cristiano Ronaldo
During a discussion about who the greatest footballer of all time might be, Ronaldo's response was unequivocal.
'I believe so, sincerely,' he said, when naming who he think is the best player to ever kick a ball in the history of the sport.
'I've never seen anyone better… I say it from the heart,' he added, before calling the individual concerned, 'the most complete player that's ever existed, in my opinion'.
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Who was he talking about? Pele? Diego Maradona? To be honest, there's no need for a punchline — you know the answer.
Winner: Gianni Infantino
But the winner has to be our Gianni, the man who has been the driving force behind the upcoming FIFA Club World Cup. The tournament promises to be a roaring success – Robbie Williams is going to sing at it and he said it's going to be 'massive'.
The tournament will determine once and for all who is the best club team in the whole world. Well, except it won't feature the current best team in England (Liverpool), because they're not invited. Neither are the second-best team in England (Arsenal). Or the current best team in Spain (Barcelona). Or in Italy (Napoli), come to think of it.
Anyway, Austria's third-best team (Red Bull Salzburg) will definitely be there, as will Inter Miami, despite them having never won the MLS Cup. Ronaldo might be crowbarred into the competition too, as Gianni told a lad on YouTube last week. So, all told, if you want a ticket for the final, £1,795 to sit in the lower bowl feels like decent value.
Anyway, seeing as Gianni has planned it all, it's only fair that his name is engraved on the FIFA Club World Cup trophy (not once, but twice), including a line which says the tournament was inspired by him. We can't wait.
Honourable mention: Jhon Duran, who posted a West Ham 'Irons' emoji on Instagram when being linked with a move from Aston Villa to the London Stadium in the summer, then flirted with Bayern Munich after scoring against them by calling them 'the club of my dreams', then signed a new contract with Villa and then fell in love with Al Nassr for a reported 320,000 reasons every week.
Winner: Jurgen Klopp to Red Bull.
'I'm a football romantic,' Jurgen Klopp told Marca in 2017. 'I like tradition in football and all that stuff.'
All that stuff.
Winner: UR Cristiano
If you're lucky enough to be one of Ronaldo's 75 million subscribers (sorry, siuuuubscribers… this is genuinely a thing) on YouTube you'll have enjoyed the following videos (again, these are genuine titles):
The highlight, though, was undoubtedly an interview with his old mate Rio Ferdinand, during which Ronaldo referred to himself in the third person on no fewer than 10 occasions.
During an intense Frost/Nixon-esque grilling about how great Ronaldo is, the subject turned to the thorny issue of Saudi Arabia and its 'issues'.
Would Ronaldo use the opportunity to highlight horrendous acts of violence and oppression taking place in his new favourite country?
Let's find out…
Ronaldo: 'It was very easy for me (to decide to move to Saudi). We can speak about religion or the weather, but no country is perfect.'
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Ferdinand: 'It's interesting what you said that no country is perfect. That's exactly what I was thinking when I saw you go (in 2022)… a lot of the western world are pointing the finger saying negative stuff, I'm like: 'Are we that good?' Everyone has problems but it's about facing the problems and taking a step forward.'
Ronaldo: 'For me, all the countries have their issues, it's normal.'
They're just normal men.
Anyway, to be fair to Ronaldo it was probably for the best that he held back on any negativity given that, according to Amnesty International, people who are critical of the regime are imprisoned and even sentenced to death. Siuuuuuuu!
Thomas Tuchel was appointed as England manager and the Daily Mail and Danny Mills took it well.
'A DARK DAY FOR ENGLAND' screamed the Mail, while adding: 'Now we have a gun for hire who owes us nothing and will pass through our game with a huge cheque and no connection to the fans or players.
'We are the laughing stock of the world game.'
Meanwhile, Mills just said what we were all thinking: 'Often we see him in a hoodie and a cap on the sidelines, will that be his managerial stance as England manager? That's not really something we're used to, it's always a suit, effectively, and looking very, very smart.'
Hull City sacked Tim Walter with the club third bottom of the Championship, which seemed fair enough, but the timeline of events was truly glorious.
6.37pm on Tuesday: Hull's owner, Acun Ilicali, said live on BBC Radio Humberside before the home match against Sheffield Wednesday: 'I would never put the blame on Tim. I'll put the blame on me too.'
And the key question: 'If you were to lose tonight, would Tim still be in a job?'
Ilicali: 'Yes, he will be in the job. If we lose tonight, he's going to be in the job.'
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9.39pm: Final score, Hull City 0-2 Sheffield Wednesday.
5pm on Wednesday: He sacked Walter.
It was the final year at Goodison Park and Everton wanted fans to share their memories of the grand old place on social media.
However, at the time, the team were heading for yet another relegation scrap and, well…
https://t.co/sgCrZYw8aq pic.twitter.com/qKKjrdXndR
— Mr Robot (@bittertoffee) September 1, 2024
https://t.co/oD2IlDynZe pic.twitter.com/VFIlwZl6Ht
— 𝗣𝗘𝗗 (@PED7) September 1, 2024
Still, all's well that ends well…
Turns out me and flares dont mix too well https://t.co/qyhwpgn79H pic.twitter.com/QXxcwE6q8p
— James (@Jab0702) May 19, 2025
When Chris Smalling was playing for Manchester United or Roma, he tended to tweet pretty generic pictures of himself from matches he'd played in.
Then he went to the Saudi Pro League and was just so impressed by the future of urban living that he had to tell everyone about it.
'Can you tweet something like…'
THE LINE A cognitive city stretching across 170 kilometers, from the mountains of NEOM across desert valleys to the Red Sea. A mirrored architectural masterpiece towering 500 meters above sea level, but a land-saving 200 meters wide. Unique solar and wind advantages for 100%… pic.twitter.com/avHnuguB4V
— Chris Smalling (@ChrisSmalling) September 22, 2024
And finally….
Even the pros get it wrong from time to time… 🫣😂#EFL | #SkyBetLeagueTwo pic.twitter.com/byi1TJWdGz
— Sky Bet League Two (@SkyBetLeagueTwo) November 17, 2024
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