Dear Richard Madeley: ‘Should I tell my colleague I love her before she leaves?'
Dear Richard,
I'm a graduate trainee at a London accountancy firm and I think I have fallen in love with a Bavarian colleague who has been on secondment to our office for several months. I speak the language, not very well but better than everyone else around here, so I was asked to help her settle in. We have ended up seeing a lot of each other and although nothing romantic has happened, I feel we talk quite intimately, and we laugh a lot.
I'm not very good at 'making a move' – both of the serious relationships I've had were with friends who just eventually became girlfriends, and both failed when we tacitly agreed we shouldn't have made the leap. But I have real feelings for my colleague.
She is going back home in the summer. She's invited me to come and stay but I don't want to mess that up – and if I let her know I'm interested then, without having told her before she leaves, I'd worry I'd gone under false pretences. I could just ask her out, make clear that it is a date-date, not just a friend-date, and let the chips fall where they may. Should I do that, or carry on as we are, say our goodbyes and then maybe let our eyes meet across a stein or two?
– Alex, via telegraph.co.uk
Dear Alex,
Have you seen the film Bridget Jones's Diary? Specifically the scene where Mark Darcy finally makes it clear he has feelings for Bridget? 'What I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, in fact… perhaps despite appearances… I like you. Very much…' he tells her. 'Just as you are.' It's a turning point and of course they end up together.
I think you could take a leaf out of Mark's book, Alex. What have you got to lose? If this woman isn't interested in you 'like that', at least you'll know and you can stop all the agonising. If she is, you're on your way!
For what it's worth, I think the signs are promising. Why would she invite you to stay if she didn't have feelings for you? To help improve your language skills? Come on!
So yes, ask her out – now, today! And make it clear you're talking about a date, not an evening of friendship to further improve Anglo-Bavarian relations. Tell her you think she's fantastic, and you've been wanting to say it for a long time. Say you'd love to come to Bavaria and get to know her properly, outside the office environment.
Some attribute the saying 'faint heart never won fair lady' to Cervantes, but I prefer the theory it came from Queen Elizabeth I. She is said to have used it when Sir Francis Drake etched a window at court expressing his fear of declaring his feelings. No one knows if they became lovers but you take the point.
So there you go – you're not the first to hesitate. Mark Darcy and Sir Francis Drake both wobbled before you. Declare your intentions boldly. I repeat – what have you got to lose?
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