Please, BBC, give us more Agatha Christie – but handle her with a light touch

Telegraph

22-03-2025

Right, OK, I've got to the end of the Agatha Christie, let's talk about it. I don't mean I'll give away the plot; no spoilers, as all three parts of Towards Zero are still available to watch on iPlayer. I'm not going to tell you whodunnit. Although I will tell you: it doesn't really matter. Which is a small flaw, perhaps, in the denouement.
Quite a lot of episode three is taken up with the detective, Inspector Leach, positing various theories as to the identity of the killer or killers and their possible motives and methods. If I were in charge of this TV show, I wouldn't have done that. It operates as too much of a reminder that this is just a story and could end in any one of a dozen ways, each as good as another. It detracts from the important sense that a murder plot is wheeling inexorably towards the only conclusion it could possibly reach. It makes things feel a bit random, like the end of a Scooby-Doo cartoon. 'Oh, it was them, was it, rather than them? Fair enough. Let's put the kettle on.'
I did enjoy Towards Zero, though. I was delighted by the mise-en-scène, which is 70 per cent of what I look for in a murder mystery. Last week, I wrote about The White Lotus season three, which is set against the unappetising backdrop of a Thai health spa. Unappetising to me, anyway. I actually had a spa holiday once – four full days of saunas, therapies, plunge pools and steam treatments – and by the end of it I was absolutely glowing with boredom.
(Interesting addendum to last week's column, by the way, where I fleshed out why I wouldn't want to go to a Thai spa resort. The day after I posted it online, I got a spam email from a chain of spa resorts, titled 'FIND YOURSELF IN THAILAND'. Thanks, Big Brother! But I didn't actually mind too much; my usual gloomy trepidation about our online communications being monitored by the sinister algorithms of global capitalism was tempered by the evidence that they clearly didn't have a clue what I was on about. I don't want to find myself! If I did, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't get on.)
Anyway, an Agatha Christie backdrop is much more my cup of tea. I've always dreamt of cruising the Egyptian river basin in a hat and gloves like the ones Bette Davis wore in the 1978 Death on the Nile. The Devonshire coast, where Towards Zero is set and was filmed, and indeed where Agatha Christie was born, is equally desirable; not as hot but much easier to get to.
There is plenty of other easy-pleasing stuff in these episodes: lovely costumes, beautiful people, grass-court tennis and a fabulous turn from Hollywood royalty in Anjelica Huston. This all brings a welcome lightness – but, for me, still not light enough! A suicidal character from the original novel is blended with Inspector Leach in this adaptation, suffusing the lead with melancholy. Matthew Rhys is a great actor and does it terribly well, but if I'm looking for realistic misery I'll just read the paper.
A couple of weeks ago, my family watched The Affair at the Victory Ball from 1991, to mark the milestone occasion of our nine-year-old dressing as Hercule Poirot for World Book Day. We never had this festival when I was at school, but what an excellent development it is, I thought as I gazed down on my small, moustachioed, Belgian daughter.
Please note, World Book Day purists: yes she has read some of the novels! But we're also watching some of the old David Suchet classics, our rule of thumb being that we'll only watch those that feature Hugh Fraser, Philip Jackson and Pauline Moran. They are the flags of the Golden Age.
I mean, it's properly funny. In an attempt to persuade M Poirot to meet an acquaintance of his, Captain Hastings (Fraser) says, 'He works for the BBC. But he's quite a decent fellow.'
(As Kanye West once remarked of Kim Kardashian, what a beautiful 'but' that is.)
'Unfortunately,' retorts the Belgian, 'I have to rearrange my stamps in order of size.'
They are both such great telly stars. Hugh Fraser is so handsome, urbane and beautifully spoken, with a twinkle of Rex Harrison about him. Why don't we see more of him on screen? The man is only 79, after all. Get back to work, Fraser! God knows, looking around, we all crave a lightness of touch.
Did you know that Hugh Fraser was a virtuoso on the flute? Idly googling him in a fit of fandom, I discovered that his folk band, Telltale, wrote the theme tune to Rainbow in 1972. Wonderful! Sadly, I couldn't find any footage to watch. YouTube threw up only a modern-day Telltale, three grungy teenagers singing a song that began 'Woke up at 10, I got a gun'. Or possibly, 'I've gone again'. THEY COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO ABOUT DICTION FROM HUGH FRASER, THOSE LADS.
Look, don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Towards Zero. But they were so busy putting oral sex and f-bombs into the script, they forgot to include any jokes. Please make more of this sort of thing, BBC, and don't be afraid of humour! Think of Hugh Fraser. And think of the hilarious performance from Maggie Smith in that great 1978 Death on the Nile.
And think, while you're at it, that one of those actors is actually still available…