LGBT: I felt like a burden as I figured out my sexuality

BBC News

19-05-2025

A reality TV star has opened up about how figuring out his sexuality made him feel "like a burden in the world"."I used to hold everything to my chest and show a fake face and a smile [while] inside I was crumbling," said Jake Devlyn-Reed, 29, from Swansea, who was a contestant on BBC Three's I Kissed a Boy in 2023.Recent figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) show that LGBT people are more than twice as at risk of self-harm and suicide than heterosexual people.Mr Devlyn-Reed has teamed up with not-for-profit men's mental health organisation Helpu to launch a new online support group to help gay and bisexual men across Wales.
"When I was in school, I used to get bullied for being chubby and my lisp, my dyslexia, and I got bullied when my dad passed away," he told BBC Radio Wales Breakfast."I struggled with my own mental health as a kid, finding healthy ways to manage my insecurities with gardening, walking, hiking, stuff like that."School is a bit brutal, especially when you're hitting puberty, not knowing what's happening next and not knowing your own sexuality as well."At one point, I reached that dark path where I felt like a burden in the world, felt like I didn't belong."
Mr Devlyn-Reed, who is gay, said taking part in I Kissed A Boy "changed my mindset" and made him realise the importance of having a safe space to open up."It allowed me to unshackle the chains against my neck," he said."Talking about how I felt emotionally and how I looked at myself, coming out and having a group chat, it's really beneficial for a lot of men who do struggle, especially when you feel vulnerable."It takes a lot of guts to open up and talk about how you feel, [but] this is going to help a lot of people."
Ian Smith, a volunteer with Welsh not-for-profit organisation Helpu, said he tried to take his own life when he was younger, "because of being gay basically, and the violence towards me"."Sadly there's still a lot of homophobia in Wales," he said."When I worked at Cardiff University as a councillor, I was shocked. It was really scary to realise there were people coming in, still wanting to take their lives, who think there's something wrong with them."There aren't that many spaces, most of the spaces revolve around alcohol or entertainment. And having those deep, connected conversations that protect us from suicide risk, just aren't there."
Mr Smith, 55, said Helpu started a face-to-face group in Cardiff about six months ago and had been surprised by the diverse range of people taking part."A lot of people who are attending it have been out for 20-odd years," he said."People begin to let down their barriers, the defensiveness of having to defend themselves against the world."I was sitting in the group the other day and was actually quite emotional. I wish I'd had this when I was younger."Helpu hopes to expand the scheme in the future, with potential new groups in Newport and Pontypridd, Rhondda Cynon Taf.Mr Smith said the new online group aimed to reach people "who don't have access to those spaces", such as based in rural parts of Wales.If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story, BBC Action Line features a list of organisations ready to provide support and advice