‘Some s**t you're making up': Vir Das recounts finishing a love list after getting dumped by his ex; what grand romantic gestures reveal about denial

Indian Express

21 hours ago

Breakups often come with their fair share of drama, introspection, and awkward moments — but for comedian Vir Das, one particular heartbreak stands out.
Recounting his worst breakup in a conversation with Yuvaa, the Emmy-winning comic revealed he once attempted to salvage a relationship by writing down 100 reasons why he loved his then-partner. But things didn't go quite as planned. He revealed, 'So I knew that we were going to break up. I wrote 100 reasons why I love this girl, and I went and I stood in her lawn. I was like, 'Please come down, let me tell you why I love you.' Matlab, mushkil se likha hai… 100 reasons, because after reason number 25 even I am struggling, like, why do I love the way you pay your taxes or whatever, you are writing something, some s**t you're making up. It is like a writing assignment.'
He continues, 'So, I'm on my knees, saying, 'I love you because blah, blah, blah…,' and then by reason 16, she was like, 'I'm seeing this other boy',' Vir shared, striking a balance between vulnerability and humour.
What started as a grand romantic gesture quickly turned into a painfully one-sided revelation — leaving him with not just a broken heart, but a list of love that didn't quite land. 'So then I have a choice, where I'm like (A) screw you, but (B) Main poora likh ke laya toh… complete karna toh banta hai na (I wrote the whole thing, so I have to complete it). So then for the remaining, I think I did 20 more, but I changed it to past tense. I was like, 'I loved you because…'' he joked.
Psychologist Raashi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com that such grand gestures often reflect 'emotional desperation and an attempt to control the uncontrollable.'
She adds, 'When someone tries to salvage a relationship with grand gestures like writing 100 reasons they love someone, it usually signals they're clinging to an ideal rather than accepting the reality. They may be in denial, using emotional labor to compensate for a disconnect that can't be fixed through effort alone.'
Emotional imbalance in a relationship becomes clear when the energy is one-sided — when one partner is constantly trying to 'fix' things while the other has already checked out emotionally
'If you feel like you're the only one initiating conversations, overexplaining yourself, or justifying their lack of presence, it's a sign something's off. You might sense you're auditioning for someone's attention instead of being in a mutual relationship,' notes Gurnani.
Idealising a partner after a breakup keeps you emotionally stuck. Gurnani explains, 'It's easy to romanticise someone when you're hurting, but it prevents you from seeing the relationship clearly. Healing starts when you stop making them the hero of your story and start recognising your own needs, growth, and truth. Reframing a breakup as a redirection, not a failure, helps you rebuild with clarity and self-worth instead of regret.'