Watch out Israel! Lammy's lathering up for more inaction
David Lammy looked angry. Well, he would: he took a taxi from the canteen to the Commons and it cost him £4,000. But also, His Majesty's Government has finally decided that it's done with Israel. With Gaza bordering on starvation, and Gary Lineker unleashed on Instagram, something must be done.
The PM dropped a hint of 'action will be announced' in an earlier statement on the UK/EU/Surrender deal – a spectacle that also confirmed a change in Tory policy. They now favour a second referendum on Kemi Badenoch.
Her speech in opposition to the deal was oddly misaligned from the microphone; Conservative MPs listened to her whisper in silence, or texted old girlfriends, while the gigantic Kit Malthouse rolled up his order paper and chewed it like a Peperami.
Mark Francois (the shadow Armed Forces minister) alone spoke for In-ger-land. He yelled 'YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN DEAL!' at a stunned PM. But then neither do most voters, and precious few will care. Britain has moved on from Brexit. Proof? Nigel Farage didn't even attend the debate. He's figured out that the animating issue for the centre-Right is now immigration, and while Starmer's youth mobility scheme will no doubt be open to their partners, grandparents and Albanian pimps, Labour's deal isn't a vote loser.
All change for Gaza! The Tories left the chamber, the hard-Left marched in (pubs fill, shisha bars empty). Cue a fight between Lammy and Priti Patel that was Ali vs Foreman, re-enacted with pillows (for both knew it was fake).
Lammy worked himself up into a moral lather: Israel's blockade was 'unjustifiable,' he said, 'disproportionate' and 'must stop'. So what was Britain going to do about this 'indefensible' crime? Stop trade talks and call in the ambassador for a scolding. If Israel drops the A-bomb, we'll cut them off our Christmas card list, too.
Lammy assured the House that should the situation worsen, more inaction will follow. 'What are you waiting for?' yelled Kit Malthouse. Worryingly, his order paper was nowhere to be seen.
Why has Labour dragged its feet against Israel? The answer might lie in Jeremy Corbyn. The party is so scarred by past accusations of anti-Semitism that it's been slow to deploy the righteous indignation it normally trades in with ease.
As for the Tories, Bibi can do no wrong.
Up popped Priti, 'quite frankly', her hands waving like fists – to agree that the situation is regrettable but these actions could be counterproductive ('Something, something, Iran'). Portraying Lammy as reckless for doing almost nothing was a difficult argument to sustain, but Labour MPs threw her a lifeline by shouting insults, allowing Priti to demand to be allowed to speak, long after they'd stopped interrupting and she'd run out of things to say.
Lammy cried: 'Shameful!' Priti took her seat muttering: 'Shame on you!' A little later, Malthouse spoke for Rafah and 'begged' the Foreign Secretary to do more to save Palestinian children, 'though he knows as well as I do that the Israelis couldn't give a damn' what ministers say 'in this chamber'.
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