Learning To Learn At Your Own Pace

Forbes

07-06-2025

In training
In her memoir, The Empathy Diaries, Sherry Turkle writes about her third-grade teacher thought that all children should be taught Shakespeare, and when the students encountered a reference to sex, the teacher would say, "'You'll understand later; you don't need to understand all of Shakespeare now.'" Turkle comments, "When I consider it, I think that permission not to understand was its greatest gift." It was a lesson she carried into graduate school, and since Turkle is now a professor of social studies and a licensed clinical psychologist, it was a lesson that had great merit. And perhaps to the rest of us.
So often, we encounter new ideas when engaged in wrestling with new activities and projects. We feel overwhelmed and may be tempted to abandon this new venture. Yet, it may be wise to take a step back and reflect that what we do not know immediately—and certainly cannot master—may become accessible in time.
Anyone learning a new skill—be it for professional development or personal enrichment—needs to understand that mastery is elusive and requires diligence. We know this, of course, but too often, we entwine our ego in our quest to learn, shortening ourselves to the experience of genuinely learning. Turkle's third-grade teacher's lasting lesson is all in good time.
Akin to this notion is learning to go with the flow. So often, you need to jump into the project in midstream, not at the beginning. And so you may drift for a bit, moving with the current but not precisely sure of the direction you are headed in. So, to avoid being washed away, you look for familiarity—something recognizable that you can apply to where you are at any given moment.
For example, in music, learning to play in an ensemble requires reading music and counting the beats. You can get away with playing things your way if you are a soloist. Not so playing with others. You must join in, keep time, and hit the right notes; otherwise, your misplaying stops the music. The resultant looks – even smirks from fellow musicians – remind you that you must slip into the flow or get swept away.
But at the moment, the fear of not fitting in—of not doing your job—can be paralytic if you let it. The challenge is to remind yourself of your skills and apply them best. Mastery will not come overnight, but going with the flow can. Trust yourself.
Remembering your initial limitations when learning can help you educate those you manage more adeptly. Seeing them struggle, perhaps not with the same issues you did, but struggle nonetheless, should spark empathy. You can feel their pain and help them regain a sense of equilibrium by exerting some compassion.
Reassure them that their difficulties are part of the learning process. This approach is especially helpful for new employees whose sense of flow is oppositional – they feel that they are gulping from a firehose.
There is no single learning methodology. It is up to individuals—with the guidance of others—to point the way.