The Jaws test: We're going to need a bigger boat for political sharks

The Herald Scotland

a day ago

But what do you know, the kid stayed on the picture, the shark scared the popcorn out of audiences, and the score by John Williams will live forever. The picture won three Oscars. It deserved double. Spielberg went on to his next project, a modest something or other about aliens, and the rest is probably being discussed on a podcast somewhere in the distant universe.
The moral of the Jaws story is that things can be turned around. What earns brickbats one day can come up roses the next. There endeth the lesson, or so it seemed. As I watched the film again the other day, it occurred to me that Jaws had more to teach us about modern politics and those who swim in its waters.
Let's be topical and start with Rachel Reeves. In the Commons today, just after PMQs, the Chancellor will deliver her spending review. Having U-turned on pensioners' winter fuel payments, Ms Reeves must hope that she can put some distance between herself and the worst decision of any government in its first months in office, far less a Labour one.
But pensioners, and Labour MPs, have long memories. That was evident on the doorsteps of Hamilton, regardless of the eventual wafer-thin win. The subject will surface again if Ms Reeves comes for personal independence payments (PIP), a lifeline for so many disabled people. The U-turn on winter fuel could run into trouble. Paying the allowance to all, then clawing it back from some, is a plan that's fraught with difficulties.
Ms Reeves will get through today, but she must know this is not over. The idea that she can go into the next election, however distant, as Chancellor, is ridiculous. Such is the ill feeling caused by scrapping the winter fuel payments, nothing less than her resignation will put it right. Even her boss knows that.
So no, Ms Reeves. It might look calm out there, but it is not safe to go back in the water. Have a paddle close to shore, and get out at a time that suits you.
Another takeaway from Jaws is that all politicians can be placed in one of two categories.
The first lot are led by Mayor Larry Vaughn, played in the movie by Murray Hamilton. The elected leader of the fictional Amity Island is worried that the great white terrorising his shores is bad for business. Whatever it takes, he wants everyone back in the water on the 4th of July, having a good time.
Warning him in the strongest possible terms against this is police chief Martin Brody (Roy Scheider). He wants to wait for the experts (Dreyfuss and Shaw's oceanographer Matt Hooper and Navy veteran Quint) to do their thing before he declares the sea safe.
Boris Johnson is an obvious Mayor Vaughn. Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, JD Vance, every blowhard who ever appealed for common sense to prevail.
Nicola Sturgeon and gender recognition reform is a Mayor Vaughn: wave after wave of supporters, sent to their doom. Her? Didn't even get the ends of her hair wet. John Swinney at the Hamilton by-election: it's only us and Reform out there, nothing to worry about. Total Mayor Vaughn.
What of the police chief Brodys? Keir Starmer is one, even if he is clueless at reading the political weather. He will warn against going in the water initially, but then suddenly everything is fine, much like with the economy.
Liberal Democrats, Greens - Brodys forever, though the latter cannot be trusted with making the arrangements to close the beach. Whatever the plan, it will cost three times as much and they will screw it up anyway.
Robert Shaw, Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, in Jaws (1975) (Image: free) Moving on to Quint, the grizzled veteran who has seen some sights in his time as a shark hunter and has the 1000-yard stare to prove it. Jim Sillars and Alex Neil come to mind. Know-all Hooper is every young buck who has never had a job outside politics. There are too many of those to choose from.
The shark? Take your pick. It could be a person (Putin the obvious choice) or an event (climate change catastrophe). Either way, it's coming, and it's not going to stop till you can see its dead black eyes. Not that this is any reason to change our ways any time soon. Goodness no, we have all the time in the world for that.
Jaws had its US release on June 20, 1975. In the UK we had to wait till Boxing Day to see what the fuss was about. It was one of the first films I saw in the cinema and I love it still.
The only regret is that it spread misinformation about sharks, even though the term 'fake news' did not exist then. Sharks don't hunt humans. They don't bear grudges. They are not 25 feet long. Spielberg himself told Desert Island Discs in 2022: 'I truly and to this day regret the decimation of the shark population because of the book and the film.' He's done his bit, alongside conservationists, to increase shark numbers. Things can turn out okay after all.
If it has been a while since you last saw Jaws, it will be on ITV4 at 9.05pm on Friday, June 20. It's a special birthday screening, all welcome, especially current and former First Ministers.
Alison Rowat is a Herald columnist and writer