Women Are Sharing The Things Society 'Praises' Them For That Actually Make Their Lives Harder

Yahoo

6 hours ago

Last week, I came across a post on the popular Ask Women subreddit from user Feminine_deity_ asking, "What's one thing society praises women for that actually feels exhausting or performative?"
She asked women to share either their own experiences or their general thoughts, and boy, did people deliver. Here are some of their best answers:
1."Planning fucking everything and then hosting the event that we already planned. Birthday parties, holidays, family reunions, and the list goes on. Why can't we just show up, be fed, and enjoy the festivities?!"
"Even on Mother's Day I was the one cooking and doing everything, I didn't want to do shit. Mother's Day isn't even about me and it's supposed to be my day."
—u/butterflyhighhh
2."I just told my husband that he needs to organize the cake for my birthday party (which I'm exclusively planning, although he's going to do the bulk of the housework, I will say) on Saturday."
"By 'organize,' I mean just go pick up the pre-made cake and buy it. I have to organize him getting the cake, otherwise he won't think of it, because he expects me to make or buy it myself. (Yet he always has a cake at his parties; wonder how that happens).
He looked very surprised and then said he'd be happy to do it as long as I remind him, because otherwise, he'll forget. Sigh."
—u/bouldicas_shield
3."'This is Joe, he's VP of finance. Marcus is the head of tech. And Sarah, well, she just does everything around here!'"
—u/heidismiles
4."Removing all hair below the eyes."
—u/MaggieSews
"Giving up on this has been one of the most freeing things ever. Along with not wearing make-up every day anymore. I have clawed back hours of my life! (And lots of money, too.)"
—u/Major_Barley
5."Smiling. I want to elaborate but that one word is the general thought."
—u/hteb0x
6."'Having it all.' Aka a successful job, marriage, good kids, staying fit, wearing makeup and nice clothes, keeping a nice household, doing all the holiday things, the school things, the family things, the supportive wife role. Having it all is exhausting. And sometimes performative."
—u/Starlettohara23
"I think they're just trying to prevent something that happens time and time again: parents, especially mothers, abandoning what makes them themselves outside of their kids, so they don't fall into crisis when kids grow up and away, or latch onto their kids to define them.
It may seem like they want you to perform, but they don't intend it to be malicious."
—u/GroundedBerry263
7."Being a giving person. I just want to be selfish sometimes. I feel like I'm always having to carry around everyone's baggage or be there for everyone."
Pop TV / CBC Television / Via giphy.com
—u/katashscar
8."Carrying the mental load for EVERYTHING."
—u/TriGurl
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9."Looking pretty. Think of the time and money it takes to 'look professional' compared to men who can shower and go, when we get called out for not 'looking put together' if we do the same."
—u/raerae1991
"Not to mention, they complain about how long it takes us to get ready."
—u/Beanpod79
"I got called out in a company meeting for not wearing makeup."
—u/raerae1991
10."Christmas cards and thank you notes."
—u/SanDiegoBeeBee
11."They told girls they could have whatever job they wanted when they grew up, but forgot to tell boys they'd have to do more around the house as a result. 🙄"
—u/pleasantlysurprised_
12."Controlling your temper and emotions. I've had multiple male bosses who would throw absolute fits when things weren't going their way but GOD FUCKING FORBID I have an attitude about ANYTHING without being deemed cRAzY."
HBO / Via giphy.com
—u/sh6rty13
13."Being nice."
—u/mangoserpent
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14."Being a 'good' daughter/sister/niece/granddaughter. I love my family and I want them to know that, of course. But I feel like as the eldest granddaughter, the expectation to be dutiful is much higher than the younger women and the men."
HBO / Via giphy.com
—u/Sweet-Squash-4654
15."Being 'nurturing.' I truly don't believe that any gender is inherently more nurturing than any other. Lots of men nurture people in their lives, and lots of women aren't great at nurturing others."
TBS / Via youtube.com
"Also, there's not really an objective set of 'nurturing' qualities. Everyone needs different forms of nurturing. When people say 'women are more nurturing,' what they really mean is 'our socialization expects women to be the ones to do domestic/parenting things, and so they do more of them.'"
—u/only_living_girl
16."Being endlessly patient and emotionally available. People call it emotional maturity or strength, but honestly, it's draining to always be the one who listens, absorbs, and comforts, especially when no one asks how I'm doing."
—u/No_Administration438
17."The expectation to be cheerful and outgoing."
NBC / Via giphy.com
"As someone who tends to walk around with a pretty neutral expression and prefers to just mind their own business, it's annoying having other people get annoyed at you just because you're doing that.
I've literally had managers or bosses or just coworkers in general get super pissy right off the bat as a result. At least if I was a guy, people would think that I was stoic or something."
—u/Sea_Client9991
18."Being the calm one in stressful and emotional situations. Society tells us that we're the emotional ones, but when shit hits the fan we're the ones deescalating and cleaning up the resulting mess. The truth is such a reversal of what the general belief is; it's infuriating."
NBC / Via giphy.com
—u/LivingStCelesting
19."'Recovering' quickly after a pregnancy. She just gestated a human for nine months in her uterus, but wow, look how fast she bounced back! Our culture really has its priorities straight."
—u/bongwaterdrinkerr
20."Personally, I think it's exhausting and performative when women get praised for 'looking so young for your age' as if we're supposed to look like a swamp witch past the age of 29 or something."
"It's frustrating that youth and beauty are used so synonymously. Just tell me I look good, full stop!"
—u/Viggos_Broken_Toe
"I'm 54 and I have zero fucks left to give. Whenever a (unfortunate, unwary, and usually young) man pops off with 'You're 54? You look so good for your age!' I do not smile or thank them, but rather deapan back with, 'What's that supposed to mean, exactly?'
I will let them squirm and stumble and step on their dicks trying to come up with an answer that isn't ageist and sexist. It's delightful. I'm in my crone era. IDGAF anymore."
—u/Three3Jane
21."Buying Christmas presents. It sounds so easy but if you're tasked to buy presents for 10-20 people at once, it's rough. Luckily my husband always takes on this task with me, but I grew up in a home where that always fell on my mother to figure out. It can be stressful."
—u/WrestlingWoman
22."'All women are beautiful!' The same thing being said about men sounds unhinged, because men's value in general isn't judged on their appearance. So there's no need for all men to be seen as beautiful."
—u/slutegg
23."Being nice, kind, friendly, warm, etc. If I spoke the way most men do, how I want to by default, I'd be described as rude, blunt, and needing to smile more."
—u/psych_daisy
24."Getting engaged. When I got engaged I would have strangers overhear my conversation with my now-husband or friends, and they would congratulate me as if I crossed some kind of strange finish line."
—u/Calisilk721
25."Being a great cook. I'm not naturally a talented cook."
"I cook well because I've grown up hearing no one marries a girl who can't cook, having to manage meals and pack lunches for my family when mom was away or unwell, having to be present in the kitchen after marriage because of fear of my mother-in-law's judgement, and now that we're a nuclear family I cook so my family can be well fed without relying on takeout and without being bored of repetitive meals. My husband has NONE of these things to think about."
—u/chinototally
26.And finally: "Aging gracefully. What they mean is you should look attractive at any age, but without surgery because that's cheating. Or makeup, that would be tacky."
Mubi
"In reality, there are very few lucky women who naturally age in a way that's 'pleasant' to society. Most of us simply age, look older, and become invisible (sometimes it's a blessing in disguise). All the celebrities praised for looking great in their senior years are putting a ton of effort into it."
—u/Icleanforheichou
I don't know about you, but I think every single one of these is literally. so. frustrating. Feel free to dish your own feelings and experiences in the comments below!
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