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The first time author Samantha M. Bailey walked into her backyard studio, she cried with relief

The first time author Samantha M. Bailey walked into her backyard studio, she cried with relief

CBC17-03-2025

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Leading up to Canada Reads, CBC Arts is bringing you daily essays about where this year's authors write for our series Where I Write. This edition features Watch Out For Her author Samantha M. Bailey.
I'm easily satisfied by simple pleasures: escaping into a great book, singing in a private karaoke room where only my friends can hear me, playing board games I never win with my family. My dreams are about passion, not possession. But from the cramped apartments where I resided in my 20s and 30s to, finally, a small house in my 40s, I always envisioned a space where I could close the door, shut out the responsibilities of adulting and tap away at my computer to my heart's content.
It felt totally out of reach, a luxury I could never give myself. So I carved out places within the walls of my homes, learning to work with constant noise. I adapted, though I still longed for a room of my own.
But during the pandemic, things changed. I changed. As I wrote Watch Out for Her — that pressure-laden sophomore novel all authors fear — while virtually promoting my debut, Woman on the Edge, at a desk shoved up against my kitchen wall, I was stressed and burned out. My family, including my dog, already isolated enough, were confined upstairs during my many online events and interviews, while I hoped no one called out "Mom" or barked. I was lucky to have all of these opportunities to promote my work, but I was about to crack.
Torn between my two loves — my children, who I wanted to be completely present for, and writing — just as I was finally seeing my decades-long goal of becoming a published author come to fruition, I knew something had to give. My kids are always my main priority, but I needed to find a way to put my oxygen mask on first.
I'm uncomfortable spending large sums of money on myself, so it was two years into the pandemic before I took action. I researched she-sheds and tiny homes relentlessly. For a hot second, I even debated DIYing it, without any building experience or actual time to attempt it.
Then I found the solution: a sustainable Toronto-based company that, in six weeks, could build a tailor-made office pod in my backyard for a somewhat affordable price (of course, it wasn't going to be cheap). Though I grappled with guilt over what felt like a selfish decision, I invested in myself. And as I watched with unbridled glee as the crew erected, frame by frame, the walls of my studio, then painted, laid the flooring and installed the windows and doors — all in styles and shades I'd selected — my stress levels immediately dropped. It was like magic.
The first time I entered my finished, sun-dappled studio, I sat on the floor, deeply exhaled and cried with relieved happiness. When I decorated with a little pink couch and a white bookshelf, then carried in the desk that used to be pushed against my kitchen wall, I fully breathed in a way I hadn't in years.
Now, I can blast my alternative '90s music, do yoga, take a nap, post sticky notes all over the walls and cover the floors with the puzzle pieces of my plots. I do virtual events without bracing for interruptions and create my fictional worlds without distractions.
It's an enormous privilege to give myself this gift. The value is priceless. I'm a more patient mother and a more focused author. I've written two more books, A Friend in the Dark and Hello, Juliet, within the solitude I desperately needed. I never take for granted how lucky I am to have a space I can call my own.

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