How to navigate the awkwardness of a wealth gap summer with your rich friends

Yahoo

2 days ago

Summer is here, bringing with it sun, sea, sand, and good times — if you can afford it.
The pressure is on more than ever in the summer to say 'yes' to that group vacation at a glamorous overseas location, the festival that will set you back hundreds of dollars, or a weekend in whatever is your town's nearest version of the Hamptons.
Many Americans are struggling with the cost of living. This year, about a quarter of Americans (24 percent) will not have a vacation because of the cost, according to a recent survey. Of those who are planning to travel this summer, 29 percent said they will take on debt as a result, the survey by financial-comparison website Bankrate found.
The latter is 'terrifying' to former Wall Street trader-turned personal finance guru Vivian Tu, better known as YourRichBff, who advises her millions of followers on TikTok and Instagram.
'It might be amazing to go on that trip today, and you might have so much fun,' 31-year-old Tu told The Independent. 'But how are you going to feel when you spend the next two years paying for a vacation that lasted seven days? I think that's a pretty sobering question.'
Navigating the wealth gap with rich friends when you are not making anywhere near the same salary is awkward, uncomfortable, and seems to only be getting harder thanks to social media.
Sam, 28, is originally from East Texas and now lives in Los Angeles. 'I'm a first generation college student, low income and trans,' Sam, who attended an elite college on a diversity scholarship and asked to only be identified with their first name, told The Independent. 'In just about all of my friendships, there's a wealth gap and that pretty much started in undergrad.'
They make approximately $48,000 after taxes working as a guidance counselor at a California university and feel 'isolated' by the wealth gap in their friendship group.
'I'm coming into this elite college straight off of food stamps and all that stuff,' Sam said. 'Most people's families [at college] were upper-middle class to rich. One of the people I know, his family owns a fleet of private jets. So coming from a rural area, and then being put into that was kind of weird.'
Sam said summers were particularly bad, and that trend has continued post-college.
'Everyone I know was going on these big vacations and all these concerts,' they said. 'I wasn't even able to go to a concert until my first year of undergrad. I've never even left the United States for a trip.'
Sam doesn't get invited on vacations by their wealthier friends. 'It's probably because they know that I can't afford it,' Sam said. 'Not once have I ever been invited on any of these trips. I always get the photos. I always see the Instagram posts.'
'It does make me feel left out,' Sam added.
Personal finance expert Tu says that social media also has a lot to answer for. 'It just starts to set an incredibly unrealistic expectation of how often we should be traveling, how much we should be spending, and how frequently we should be doing all of that,' she told The Independent.
Sam relates and said that social media has become a space for people to 'get Instagram likes' and 'show off their experiences' to others. 'I think that's just a really dangerous situation for people who are financially vulnerable,' Sam said.
'We're so desperate to be a part of culture, to be a part of the big moment. You want to have that story that everyone else has…and you're literally borrowing thousands of dollars to sit in an uncomfortable stadium to do it because your friends are doing it, or because you're missing out.'
That feeling of disconnect is similar for 32-year-old Michelle, who lives in Nashville and works as a communications and events manager for a non-profit.
Michelle, who makes around $65,000, and her boyfriend had a baby boy in December and can no longer keep up with the spending habits of their wealthier friends.
'They just so frivolously spend money — like, they'll randomly buy a new car, or jet skis or a brand new boat,' Michelle told The Independent. 'It's just really mentally tapped to try to appear like I can keep up with them.'
Before she had the baby, Michelle said the group went on a $2,000 trip to Disney World that she couldn't afford. 'When I first started being exposed to this friend group, I would push my bank account, and I would really push my limits just so that I could hang out,' she said. 'And it really kind of messed me up. It maxed out one of my credit cards.'
Since having a baby, priorities have changed. 'I am trying to figure out how to make sure I can get formula for my baby, and make food at home. I don't want to go out to eat every single time that we hang out,' she said. 'Every single month our bank account, it's just like we're at like the bottom. So it's very much like paycheck to paycheck,' she added.
Her boyfriend was once a high earner but he lost his job in the last year. He is now getting back on his feet and working again, but money has occasionally become a source of tension in the relationship, Michelle said. 'We've had a lot of fights this year about money, and that has limited what we're going to do this summer.'
The expense of weddings has also become a bone of contention, particularly if the nuptials involve travel. In 2024, 18 percent of couples hosting a destination ceremony abroad, according to The Knot's 2025 wedding survey.
Michelle was recently a bridesmaid for two close friends, with one wedding in Florida's Key West and another in upstate New York, setting her back at least $3,000 per wedding, including travel and accommodation. 'I would do it a million times over for those girls, but it really does push your budget.'
The new mom says that financial stress has been impacting her mental health, a trend more therapists are noticing with patients.
'People may not come to see me based on these feelings, but they most certainly come up in conversation,' said Aja Evans, a therapist who specializes in financial therapy. 'Comparison and pressure to keep up with friends is very common and unfortunately tends to skew how people look at themselves and their finances.'
Evans advocates being honest with friends about your financial situation, which can be a way of 'breaking up the shame and isolation' that comes with hiding it away.
'Being honest with yourself around what you can and can't do, remembering that you are still a valuable and worthy friend despite how much money you have is very important,' Evans said. 'Attempting to disconnect your self worth from your net worth can also be helpful. Then, have a conversation with your friend.'
'Letting them know how you feel, what you are doing in terms of your financial health and how you two can navigate the differences,' Evans added. 'Now, this is very hard, being vulnerable is complicated and nuanced, so go easy on yourself.'
Tu, who heads up her own financial education and advice company, says it is essential to consider what is 'truly going to bring you value' and not hurt you in the future at the same time.
She has a handy tip that can help visualize whether that summer impulse purchase – be it new clothes, a night out or a trip – is worth it.
'I call it 'YourRichBFF is it Worth it? Equation,' Tu said. 'Figure out how much your hourly take-home pay is, and that hourly take-home pay, essentially, is how many hours you'll need to sit at your desk to afford something.'
'Say your hourly take-home pay is $20, you go to a fancy store and you want to buy a pair of designer leggings for $100,' Tu explained. 'You have to sit at your desk for five hours. Ask yourself, are you willing to sit at your desk for five hours so that you can afford those leggings? And in some cases, the answer is yes. In some cases, the answer is no.'
'You need to be honest with your friends about your financial situation, but also you need to provide an alternative,' Tu said. 'Because what's going to happen is if you continuously keep telling your friends, 'no, I can't come, I can't afford it,' suddenly they're going to stop inviting you to stuff.
'Once they stop inviting you to stuff, you are going to feel incredibly isolated,' she added.
Tu doesn't knock hard-pressed families who have to put basic necessities like food on a credit card. But she advises others to resist the temptation to splurge on 'the fun stuff' if it's not affordable it right now.
'There are certainly folks in our country who are putting basic necessities like food on a credit card, not because they want to, but because they need to feed their families,' Tu said. 'This is not that. What I'm saying is, the visits to the nail salon, the drinks out with girlfriends, the fun stuff, if you are not in a position to be spending on that...it's going to keep you broke,' she said.
'We all have to know our limits, and it's not fair,' Tu added. 'But some people out there have parents who are paying their rent.'