Gok Wan: ‘My worst fear is one day I'll wake up to find I'm a has-been'

Telegraph

14 hours ago

Worst pet peeve?
Dishonesty and spitefulness. I can't be around it. I really, really hate it, especially seeing as I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut – if I see it happening, I have to call it out. It reminds me of an analogy from Yes Minister actor Nigel Hawthorne about the see-saw effect. If there are several people on a see-saw, and one behaves in a way to raise themselves up, to the detriment of others, by lowering them, then that is not to be encouraged. We've inherently all got a bit of this bad habit in us, even more so with what's going on around the globe.
Worst habit?
I'm painfully optimistic and say things are the best all the time, like, 'Oh my God, I've just made the best curry, or the best cake.' My friends call me out on it all the time, because I realise it can be annoying. I just try to see the good in everything and my energy levels are really high. I do get that I need to tone it down. My need to please and help can be exhausting, because I sometimes get myself into trouble, putting myself in situations where I don't really belong. But my concern comes from a good place – I just want the people around me to be happy and get what they deserve. The older I get, the better judgment I have over when to get involved.
Worst fear for the future?
Not feeling wanted or needed. Waking up one day and realising that I'm done or a has-been. I want to feel relevant and help people, and I still have so much left to give. I spent so many years not feeling worthy and not good enough. I was self-conscious growing up, because I was tall, fat and effeminate. I looked different to the people around me where we lived, because I was half Chinese, half white. In my adult life, I've worked really hard at making sure that those feelings never come back. There's always the ghost of your past, but I just don't ever want to feel like that again.
Worst advice you've been given?
Shut up. I'm always talking; I'm certainly not quiet or shy. I naturally create a lot of noise. But I think it's the worst advice anyone can get, because we get one chance on this planet and if you've got something to say, as long as you're not hurting anyone, or being mean or spiteful, then say it. So never shut up.
Worst regret?
Dropping out of school and college. I have said for the whole of my career, 'Never have a regret.' If you carry on regretting, it's a waste of time and effort; just get on with the rest of your life. But, of course, we are all human and all of us have regrets. One of the only regrets in my life was not completing my studies. I left school at the age of 15 with no GCSEs. I went to drama school and left after the first year because I didn't feel clever enough and I didn't have the confidence to get through one of the biggest hurdles of my life that was education. I've always had a hang-up about feeling like I was stupid and being told that I was stupid. I'd love to have that piece of paper in front of me, that's tested and judged, almost as evidence that I'm not stupid. I think for the rest of my life, I will always ask that question. But I'm very happy where I am now, and I would never regard my life as a failure.