Want to cool contempt's heat? Start by extending dignity to all, says Tim Shriver

Yahoo

09-04-2025

Immigration. Deportations. Tariffs. To build — or not to build — 'The Wall.' DEI: Bad. DEI: Good. ...
Those are just a few talking points on a long, ever-evolving list of issues triggering contempt across the country. And much of that contempt, typically directed toward someone with a differing opinion, is often grounded in misjudgment — 'getting it wrong' about another.
'But in our country today,' said societal Impact Scholar Tim Shriver, 'getting each other wrong is destroying the country. ... It's destroying our country because we have normalized a particular lens filter.'
The chairman of Special Olympics International and co-creator of the Dignity Index, Shriver spoke on Tuesday at the University of Utah's Hinckley Institute of Politics forum.
Shriver, who co-founded Project UNITE initiative, champions the power of extending dignity to all within one's family, community, workplace and country. His conviction: Treating others with dignity — regardless of their opinions, beliefs or political convictions — is the antidote for contempt.
Many likely recognize Shriver's name. He's the son of Sargent and Eunice Kennedy Shriver, younger sister of President John F. Kennedy. In 2018, he founded UNITE to help ease division in the country.
The nonprofit organization has developed the 'Dignity Index', an eight-point scale for measuring how people communicate with one another when they disagree — ranging from No. 1 (demonstrating absolute contempt for the 'other' side) to No. 8 (extending dignity to all, no matter what).
During Tuesday's forum, Shriver warned of a 'filter on our lens' that says, 'I'm going to hate and dehumanize and treat with contempt' anyone that is different.
'We've developed a cultural addiction to contempt — and it's a big business,' he said.
Shriver referenced the so-called 'outrage industrial complex' — a nested cycle that links and mutually supports the algorithm, partisan news and politics.
'The algorithm amplifies contempt,' he said. 'You get more of it ... the more you watch, the more you get — because it's addictive. Politicians are incentivized to give you more of it so that they can raise money and get power and get fame ... it's a beautiful little ecosystem that's bent on destroying the country — and honestly, it's a big business.'
So if a person is, say, feeling 'super furious' — not about a particular issue or policy, but about a person or people or group — he or she 'is trapped in the outrage industrial complex.'
The damage exacted by such contempt stretches beyond politics, he added. It tears apart families and personal relationships. It's a catalyst of pessimism, division, aggression and even violence.
But despite the growing troubles caused by today's broad contempt — there's a bright side to the ledger. Writes social psychologist Donna Hicks: 'If indignity tears us apart, dignity can put us back together again.'
Treating people with dignity when you disagree, said Shriver, 'is the single most powerful way of disarming the outrage industrial complex — changing the lens ... and allowing us to see each other with dignity, even when we disagree.'
Disagreements, he added, are not a threat to democracy. They are actually the solution.
Shriver cited studies that reveal that the majority of Americans actually possess an impulse to extend dignity and connect with those they disagree with. Most Americans (66%) believe they can learn much from interacting with people who are different from them.
And almost three-quarters feel they have a responsibility to connect with people whose backgrounds and viewpoints are different from their own.
Shriver shared with Tuesday's forum audience a primer of skills a person can use whenever they are in a disagreement with someone — whether it's about, say, open borders or simply where to eat dinner.
1. Be curious, not furious
When there is a disagreement, approach it with curiosity, using language that invites dialogue.
2. Regulate then debate
When you start to get upset, pause and take a breath before speaking.
3. Listen to understand, not respond
Really listen to the other person and consider summarizing briefly what you heard.
4. Challenge ideas — don't attack people
Speak your truth, but do it with dignity.
5. Acknowledge knowledge
When someone else makes a logical or interesting point, acknowledge their point.
6. Build up rather than tear down
Advocate, explain and build up your idea rather than attacking or dehumanizing others.
Tuesday, Shriver encouraged University of Utah students to participate in building a 'dignity movement' to help save the country.
'This movement is essential to getting us out of the mess we're in — where our families are falling apart and our politics are destructive and the risk of violence is all around us,' he said.
Shriver suggested utilizing social media platforms such as TikTok that create subcultures of connection, regardless of politics and differences.