Column: ‘Self-Talk' book by Aurora author Marianne Renner about overcoming negative stories we tell ourselves

Chicago Tribune

08-05-2025

For as long as I've known Marianne Renner I've considered her a person who always had her act together.
Tall and fit and as beautiful as she is kind and intelligent, the 58-year-old Aurora woman has made a name for herself as a successful leadership coach and speaker.
And who can forget how she took a local hip-hop dance class from the YWCA all the way to a gold medal win in the 1998 U.S. Junior Olympics?
So when Renner recently launched her new book, 'Self-Talk: 10 Stories You Tell Yourself That Hold You Back and How to Overcome Them,' I figured it would be another formulaic personal empowerment guide focusing on the oft-used 'cognitive behavior therapy' from a self-help guru who, well, always had her act together.
Within just a few pages of 'Self-Talk,' however, it becomes obvious this book has something different to offer.
That's because Renner almost immediately confesses to just what a 'train wreck' she was for much of her life, beginning as a child growing up in Aurora – the youngest of nine – when her world suddenly turned from technicolor to gray at age 9 after the death of her beloved mother.
By age 11, Renner noted in the book, 'night after night I would ask God to please let me die in my sleep.'
In 2006, at age 40, she attempted suicide.
Renner doesn't shy away from rehashing the pain she endured as she struggled through most of her life with chronic depression and alcoholism. On the surface she not only seemed to be OK but a real go-getter. Renner was a perfectionist, an overachiever. She won awards and earned accolades and charmed the world with her wide smile.
But 'behind closed doors, where reality lived, I was a train wreck,' Renner admitted, noting that from age 28 on she was in and out of psychiatrist offices, off and on medications and at one point was admitted to Linden Oaks Hospital in Naperville with a dual diagnosis of chronic debilitating depression and addiction.
'I had no idea my own self-talk was contributing to every situation,' she writes. 'When I felt any kind of emotional pain, I would ask, Why me?' When things didn't go my way, I told myself life wasn't fair and that things would never get better. Then I'd give up, telling myself things will never change.
'These kinds of stories only led to a downward spiral, until I found myself at rock bottom.'
It wasn't until a psychiatrist suggested electroconvulsive therapy – i.e. shock treatments – that Renner, shook to the core and in tears, realized 'something had to change,' that she had to go from 'I can't live like this anymore' to 'What if I could live like this?''
Only then did she realize the key is 'about rewriting the stories you tell yourself,' specifically, those dialogues we have with ourselves that put us in a negative mindset. Once she unlocked that door, Renner said, depression faded away and she began to see how redefining this self-talk helped not only herself but those she worked with as a career coach.
While the idea for the book took hold years earlier, it was in 2016, with the support of close mentor and friend Dan Miller, that Renner 'found the courage' to begin writing it and to 'publicly share my personal journey through depression and substance abuse.'
Weaving her own compelling and often raw memoirs through the chapters, Renner takes on those narratives of self-doubt that also include 'I'm not good enough,' or 'What if I fail?' or 'Why bother?' or 'It's too hard,' or 'I've tried everything,' or 'What's wrong with you?'
Using examples from coaching clients and her own experiences, she then lays out practical action steps to change those attitudes. For example, Renner suggests thinking of yourself as a character in your own story, identifying your current role and deciding if you want to play a new one. Or play a role that may not feel true today but deep down is possible for the future.
One of my favorites focuses on the word , which Renner describes as 'the unique reason you exist on this planet – a connection to something bigger than yourself that serves as a North Star for every decision you make.'
The author also advises against relying solely on willpower and self-discipline because they 'consume an enormous amount of energy,' choosing instead to create habits that require daily action and breaking goals down into chunks.
I might not struggle with depression, but I have to admit plenty of those self-sabotaging phrases she identified are more than a little familiar to me. Perhaps to you, as well. While it's timely that 'Self-Talk' was released during Mental Health Awareness Month, the insights and steps to self-discovery Renner lays out can be helpful to anyone who wants to have more control of their lives.
And the author – a former journalist and fitness instructor with a master's degree in integrated marketing communications – tackles these heavy issues with a soft touch, doing so in a conversational style that makes her book an effortless read.
Released on Tuesday, 'Self-Talk' contains plenty of rave reviews by Renner's esteemed peers, including Shawn Achor, the New York Times best-selling author of 'The Happiness Advantage,' and Ken Davis, award-winning author, international speaker and founder of the SCORRE Conference, who heard Renner at a speaker training event and encouraged her to 'share this amazing material in a book.'
Renner describes the feedback she's received so far as 'overwhelming,' with invitations to speak increasing because, as Renner points out, 'self-talk is going on in all our heads.'
'At the end of the day,' she told me, 'most of us think as soon as circumstances change, life will be great, when the reality is, first you have to change.'
For more information on the book, go to https://mariannerenner.com/