Aging LGBTQ+ community finds unique challenges providing care for loved ones

CBS News

7 hours ago

Many older members of LGBTQ+ population dealing with stress of caregiving
Many older members of LGBTQ+ population dealing with stress of caregiving
Many older members of LGBTQ+ population dealing with stress of caregiving
New York City represents the largest LGBTQ+ population in the country, with more than 700,000 residents.
Many encounter unique challenges as they age and provide care for their loved ones.
In this installment of CBS News New York's Cost of Caregiving series, reporter Jennifer Bisram takes a close look at the community-wide issues, resources and how chosen family plays a pivotal role.
Read more: Geriatric care improvements needed immediately in New York, doctors say
Matt Sullivan's story
Matt Sullivan's husband, Ken, who was an artist, died back in 2020 from a 9/11-related cancer.
"The biggest struggle is the loss of a best friend, and my life is still on the walls with his paintings," said Sullivan, a 76-year-old retired professor.
He showed CBS News New York the Manhattan apartment filled with memories that they shared together, and remembered becoming his partner's caregiver.
"It was really challenging. I had no idea what I was up for. Life was about trying to stay up with him while maintaining my own life," Sullivan said.
Sullivan said the loss was even harder without family support. These days, he's aging alone in his New York City home.
"I came out to my family at 18. It was illegal for me to be gay. They could have put me in an institution," Sullivan said. "It's really the loneliness and, especially in my case, I've been abandoned by family and truly alone, and I can speak for those suffering ... love given and not being returned."
Sullivan said his parents and brother passed on and his only living sibling disowned him for being gay.
"My brother considers me an evil person and not aligned with his belief system," Sullivan said.
The mission of SAGE -- Advocacy and Services for LGBTQ+ Elders
According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, older adults in the LGBTQ+ community are twice as likely to be single and live alone and are three times less likely to have children.
As a result, nearly two-thirds of older LGBTQ+ adults consider their friends to be their chosen family.
"I gained strength from my friends, my gay friends," Sullivan said.
SAGE -- Advocacy and Services for LGBTQ+ Elders is one of the oldest and largest organizations dedicated to aging LGBTQ+ elders and caregivers.
"We offer support groups, counseling, care management, help with supplementals like respite and supplies they might need," said Ernesto Finales, SAGE's director of care management.
SAGE has four senior centers across New York City, including one in Midtown.
Recent studies show older LGBTQ+ adults experience social, financial, physical and mental health disparities, including health care and housing discrimination and social isolation. They're also at risk for developing chronic diseases.
"When you prolong care or avoid health care, makes chronic issues more present, more likely to happen," Finales said.
According to a recent Equal Rights Center report, 48% of older same-sex couples applying for elder housing say they were subjected to discrimination.
"Every single step you have to come out and disclose your LGBTQIA status, part of that has a fear of marginalization and discrimination, which is based on genuine lived experience," Finales said.
Another recent study also shows 88% of LGBTQ+ older adults say they'd feel more comfortable with long-term care services if they knew the staff had been trained about the needs of LGBTQ+ patients.
Read more: Help is available for New Yorkers caring for loved ones whose health is declining
"I've never done this, never really faced it"
It's all too familiar for Sullivan, who broke down at one point during his interview with CBS News New York.
"I've never done this, never really faced it," Sullivan said. "We learn to deal with loneliness because of people who judge us."
Later, he said, "Thank you for helping me also deal with what I'm going through cause you brought out a part of me that I don't talk about very much."
Now, as an aging New Yorker, he says he'll rely on his chosen family.
"Loneliness, financial insecurity, which I'm going through, some of that, getting around, I may have to use a walker now because of all the falls I've taken," Sullivan said.
He said he'll continue to advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and encourage the older generation who struggled with social stigmas their entire lives.
"I have a new life in speaking out now as a senior gay man," Sullivan said.