Part of me wished I'd died: Andrew Flintoff opens up on crash trauma and anxiety
Dragged under a car for 50 metres with no helmet and his head scraping the track, the former England all-rounder feared he had been 'damaged beyond repair' in a horrific crash while filming the television programme Top Gear in 2022. 'Part of me wishes I'd been killed,' he admits in his new Disney+ documentary Flintoff. 'This sounds awful… I was just thinking, 'this would have been so much easier'.'
The 47-year-old's words are not those of a man seeking sympathy but of one laying bare the mental toll of surviving a trauma he never saw coming. Flintoff suffered serious facial injuries and broken ribs when his Morgan Super 3 overturned on the test track. The open-topped three-wheeler can reach speeds of 130mph — and Flintoff wasn't wearing a helmet.
Two years on, the former Ashes hero is still living with the scars — some visible, others buried deep. He recalls the dread of stepping out in public for the first time since the crash, ahead of his debut as an England assistant coach in 2023. 'That day in Cardiff, it took me 10 goes to leave my hotel bedroom,' he told The Times in a candid interview with former teammate Mike Atherton. 'I was so anxious and worried… even standing in a lift with Ben Stokes made me nervous.'
A painstaking rebuilding phase
The man once known for his swagger on the pitch now speaks with the vulnerability of someone rebuilding himself, piece by painstaking piece. His surgeon, Jahrad Haq, described Flintoff's injuries as among the worst he's seen in 20 years — likening the reconstruction to completing a jigsaw puzzle with missing parts.
'I didn't think I had it in me to get through,' Flintoff says in the documentary. 'I was frightened to death.'
But slowly, he has started to find his footing — both in his personal life and professional world. Welcomed back into the England fold by the likes of Joe Root and Jos Buttler, Flintoff began his coaching journey with the Under-19s and was appointed head coach of the England Lions in September 2024. He also took charge of Northern Superchargers in The Hundred.
'There's still flashbacks, anxiety, and other stuff,' he says. 'But I'm accepting of it now. I don't think I'm ever going to be better — just different.'
Resentment and change in attitude
While he expresses resentment at how he was treated both in sport and on television — 'just a commodity' — Flintoff now finds comfort in smaller victories: the sound of his kids, a conversation over breakfast, or simply making it out the door.
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