‘Nine Perfect Strangers' season 2 review: Thinly-drawn clichés, supremely irritating characters – and Nicole Kidman's awful accent
Then there's the other one: the producer-star who continually churns out glossy, empty, increasingly samey streaming dramas about the suffering rich, such as The Undoing, Expats and, of course, Nine Perfect Strangers (Prime Video, Thursday, May 22), which is back for a second season, despite originally being billed as a miniseries (a sneaky practice that's become commonplace).
If you thought the first one in 2021 was a load of old drivel, the second, which opens with a double bill and lacks the foundation of Liane Moriarty's source novel, is nine times worse.
Frequently almost comedically bad, but without the saving grace of anything resembling humour, it's the answer to a question nobody asked.
Once again, Kidman dons a platinum blonde wig and adopts an off-the-peg 'Russian' accent that even Meryl Streep, during her funny-voices-and-silly-hats phase, would have been ashamed of as weird wellness guru Masha Dmitrichenko, who's fluent in psychobabble bullsh*t.
Last time, Masha offered personal transformation to nine troubled – and very well-off – people at her luxurious sanatorium Tranquillum House by spiking their smoothies with psychedelic drugs without their consent to unlock repressed memories.
Oh, and they'd also be able to commune with the dead. Well, sort of. Masha got high on her own supply so she could talk to her dead daughter, who she was still mourning.
As Season 2 opens, the daughter's ghost is still hanging around and Masha is back in business, this time at a new sanatorium in the Bavarian Alps.
At least the guests in Season 1 were more or less tolerable
She was persuaded to set up shop again by her old mentor Helena (Lena Olin), who's bankrolling the operation so Masha can try out her revolutionary new treatment delivery system.
Masha has become a global celebrity since the first outing, thanks to a bestselling book called, you guessed it, Nine Perfect Strangers. She's also the target of several federal investigations.
The alpine location is ideal for her purposes. The mountains block out mobile phone signals and the roads are impassable by car, meaning those nasty prosecutors won't be able to serve her their writs and the new batch of guests won't easily be able to bail out if they get fed up with the whole thing.
Luckily, viewers can leave any time they want, and I'm betting quite a few will long before the eight episodes are up.
At least the guests in Season 1 were more or less tolerable. The new lot – who all know they'll be given drugs now that Masha's treatment methods are out in the open – are for the most part thinly-drawn clichés and supremely irritating.
Christine Baranski, doing her usual Christine Baranski shtick, but without any funny lines to back her up, plays the sex-mad Victoria.
She's agreed to meet up with her daughter Imogen (Annie Murphy), a whingeing, permanently angry Millennial who becomes even more whingey and angry when she discovers her mother has brought along her latest toyboy, Matteo (Aras Aydin).
Tina (musician King Princess), a pianist and former child prodigy who now refuses to play, has been dragged to the sanatorium by her girlfriend Wolfie (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) in the mistaken belief she was going for a holiday in a luxurious spa resort rather than a spell in a psychological torture chamber.
Dolly de Leon is Agnes, a celebrity nun (eh?), who's lost her faith. Henry Golding is Peter, who's awaiting the arrival of his father, billionaire businessman David (Mark Strong), on whom Masha, who has previous with him, seems to be fixated.
The only cast member who makes an impression is Murray Bartlett, excellent as ever, as Brian, a puppeteer and former children's TV presenter who's been unravelling ever since his show was cancelled after he had a meltdown on set that went viral.
'It is only the beginning,' Masha tells an adoring conference audience early on. Nope, Masha, for some of us, it's the end. I'm checking out.
Rating: One star
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