Trans and nonbinary Americans embrace joy as resistance in new ‘Freedom to Be' quilt
Who would you be if you had the freedom to live into the fullness of who you are?
That's the question a new art installation put to transgender and nonbinary Americans across the country, asking them to weave all their joys, frustrations and hopes into more than 250 panels that will form a massive quilt.
The 'Freedom to Be' project, led by the American Civil Liberties Union, will be unveiled in Washington, DC, later this spring in conjunction with WorldPride celebrations.
It comes at a time of escalating attacks on the rights of transgender and nonbinary Americans, and a looming Supreme Court decision that could determine the future of their access to gender-affirming care.
But that's precisely why the quilt is necessary, said Gillian Branstetter, a communications strategist with the ACLU who helped conceive the project.
The quilt, she said, allows trans people — especially children — to reclaim their story and imagine a life of freedom where they can embrace and celebrate who they are without fear of repercussion.
In honor of International Transgender Day of Visibility, CNN spoke to trans activists and advocates involved with the project about the importance of channeling joy as a form of resistance.
'Trans people are so often the topic, but we're rarely the voice,' Branstetter said. 'A big goal was synthesizing the full scope of that diversity into one loud display of not just what we're fighting against, but what we're fighting for.'
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Perspective: Surprise! Married parents aren't miserable — they're America's happiest adults
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The happiest group of Americans, according to leading marriage expert and researcher Brad Wilcox of the University of Virginia, are people married with children — pushing back in his data-based book 'Get Married' on stereotypes of childless people as less stressed and more satisfied than parents. Wilcox's academic data challenges a popular narrative that emerged yet again when prominent pop singer Chappell Roan claimed 'all parents are miserable.' 'All of my friends who have kids are in hell,' Roan explained on the 'Call Her Daddy' podcast, setting off an explosion of commentary everywhere, from BuzzFeed to MSNBC to the Irish Independent, with many pushing back, but others agreeing that raising little kids in particular can be extremely difficult. 'Children are often a strain on marriage, and they seem to lead to a dip in marital quality,' Wilcox concedes, but 'the overall picture of marriage and parenthood is rosier than the popular press would suggest.' This familial contentment, however, depends on a selfless mindset, a 'we before me' approach crucial to making marriage meaningful and parenthood deeply fulfilling. 'When people get married, what do they do with their finances?' asked a recent caller to Dave Ramsey's financial advice podcast. She seemed taken aback by Ramsey's response that husbands and wives combine everything, asking, 'What if one person makes more than the other?' 'You're not a partnership, you're a marriage,' Ramsey pushed back. 'My wife doesn't have an income. I do not have an income. WE have an income.' Interestingly, couples with separate financial accounts are 20% more likely to divorce, according to a study conducted by the University of Colorado–Boulder. The same study also found that couples who shared their money were happier in their relationships than those who separated their accounts (including those who had both joint and separate accounts). An Indiana University study that randomly assigned newly married couples to joint accounts, separate accounts or any arrangement of the couple's choice found that, after two years, the joint-account couples 'exhibited significantly greater relationship quality' than the other couples. Wilcox brings up both studies to illustrate the effects a family-first approach has on marriage and family life — implications that are not minor. While marital advice today often emphasizes personal me-time, personal identity forging and the pursuit of personal ambitions, couples who end up sharing more in common are more likely to report happier marriages. And it's not just money. According to a YouGov survey, couples sharing the same last name not only held a stronger sense of family identity, but were more likely to be happily married and less likely to have plans to divorce than those who didn't. Sharing names, turning down job opportunities that detract from marital obligations and making personal sacrifices for each other reflects selfless attitudes that make a big difference in marriage, according to the State of Our Unions Survey of 2022. After controlling for education, income and race, the survey found 'we-before-me' couples much more likely to report being 'very happy' in marriage and also more likely to say divorce is 'not at all likely' in the future than couples with a 'my own needs first' attitude. Marriages in which only one spouse takes on most of the selflessness, however, 'can run aground' according to Wilcox. The sacrifices need to be mutual. Writer Julian Adorney shares that 'my marriage to my wife works because both of us practice a sort of self-emptying love.' 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Relationships, she writes, 'have become the primary mythology of the sacred in the collective tongue' of Western culture; however, mere mortals have difficulty providing the needs that religion and God formerly satisfied. Wilcox's 'Get Married' book delves into the ways religious affiliation meets the higher needs of couples while prioritizing values like selflessness, fidelity and the worth of child-raising, according to an impressive array of research and data. To summarize, church attenders are significantly happier in marriages, less likely to divorce and are more satisfied with their lives in general. Moreover, religious couples exhibit greater sexual fidelity and commitment, and higher levels of relationship quality, including greater sexual frequency and satisfaction. Not all religious couples are happy, Wilcox acknowledges, but those who regularly attend church, mosque or synagogue tap into social networks that encourage self-denial and healthy marital interaction while discouraging behaviors that derail relationships. Add to that a meaningful sense of the cosmos and rituals that help couples deal with suffering (shared prayer is a predictor of higher quality marriages), and even a good–enough marriage with family-first priorities may not need to spend 24/7 on self-actualization to reach higher levels of happiness. In the divorce drama 'Kramer vs. Kramer,' the highest-grossing film of 1979, Dustin Hoffman's character Ted, whose wife has left him, gradually trades his workaholism for a deep father-son bond forged through countless meals, chores, conversations, and a harrowing trip to the emergency room. Ted's trajectory also includes a growing selflessness born of sacrificing for another's growth. 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