Financial lessons from a woman whose husband died suddenly at 39

Globe and Mail

a day ago

If you can't find the time or motivation to plan financially for your death or a serious illness, please read Jane Blaufus's book. It's called With the Stroke of a Pen: Claim Your Life, and it includes a 33-page checklist of questions for working through the process of helping family members sort through your affairs when you die. The checklist is helpful, but so is Ms. Blaufus's personal experience after the loss of her husband. To hear more, check out this e-mail Q&A I did with Ms. Blaufus:
Q: Jane, can you tell us in both a personal and professional sense how you came to write your book?
A: My 39-year-old husband walked out the door one Sunday morning, and that afternoon a police officer arrived in my driveway to share the news that he had been killed in an accident. In less than 60 seconds, the world I knew had been turned upside down and I had become a widow with a 12-year-old daughter and a financial tsunami coming my way.
By that time, I had been in the life insurance industry for 16 years and had foolishly thought that if anything ever happened to me that I would be better prepared than others. Wrong. I was blindsided by so many unexpected things and thought that if I wasn't prepared, despite all of my knowledge and expertise, what would the average person do in that situation?
Fast forward to today and I am happily remarried to a wonderful man who was also widowed after his wife suffered an illness. We collectively decided to pay it forward by sharing our story to help prevent other families from going through what we did.
Q: In the conversations you've had with readers, friends, family and clients in your professional life, what have you learned about the capacity people have for preparing for their own death and the death of loved ones? Do we ever get to a point where nine in 10 people have a will, powers of attorney and made other preparations?
A: Unfortunately, most people are terrified to talk about death and illness. For many it is like looking their own mortality in the face, but these conversations are crucial because we have an obligation to ourselves and those we love to leave this world in an organized manner. The last thing someone needs when a loved one has become ill or died is to be running around trying to find all the pertinent documents needed to make decisions about medical care or funeral arrangements. Sadly, I do not think we will ever get to the point where nine in ten people will have had these important conversations.
Q: If you were to list some of the top things to do to make sure your loved ones are prepared in case of your death, what would they be?
A: To start, make sure your loved ones know what your final wishes are. I had asked my husband four times what he would want if anything happened to him and he would always change the subject. When he died, I had to plan a funeral as if I had been blindfolded; it was horrible.
Next, make sure you have a current, up-to-date will and powers of attorney for both medical and financial matters. You would not believe the number of times I have heard stories about couples divorcing and the ex-spouse gets everything because the will was never changed.
Also, make sure you have enough life insurance for today. Do not stick your policy in a drawer, as things have a way of changing over time. Also, if you have a special needs member of the family, make sure you have provided for them to be cared for in the future. Please make sure all of the beneficiary designations are correct and current as well.
And, make sure you have assembled all of your important documentation into one central location, and make sure everyone who should know where it is, does. Your loved ones and your executor should be able to quickly and easily access this information. Speaking of executors, make sure you have asked your executor and legal guardians for your underage children if they willingly accept the role and associated responsibilities. Do not simply assume they will, because if they decline to accept the role after you are gone, you cannot make changes from the grave.
Q: What do you think about bringing your adult children into the discussion of what happens when you die? How old should kids be for this conversation?
A: This is a very important question, and I believe it is critical to bring them into the discussion, especially today, where there are so many blended families. Having them involved in the conversation can mitigate so many issues that have the potential to erupt after someone dies.
As for your question about how old they should be, I would leave this in the parents' hands to determine the age, as they will know their child's maturity level better than anyone else. However, at the latest, I personally would bring them in when they reach adulthood. My poor daughter has had more of these conversations than I think she would care for!
Q: Looking back on your own experience when your husband died, what types of advance planning had you done and how did they help in the aftermath?
A: The year before my husband died, we had met with our financial advisor to review our investments and life insurance policies. We actually purchased more insurance as things had changed from our last review. The life insurance my husband lovingly put in place for us became a financial lifeline that helped me as I tried to get back on my feet and return to work.
We also reviewed our wills with our lawyer, which made settling his estate much easier for me.
Q: I've seen some apps and software over the years that were designed to help people organize themselves for when they die, but none seems to have taken off. Do you think the right app could help people engage more with this type of planning, and do you know any apps people should check out?
A: I personally do not think an app would engage more people and I do not have a go-to suggestion to offer. What I have done in my book is provide my readers with a checklist designed to help get the conversations going with the people you need to be having them with. It serves as a workbook to help people get their personal and financial lives in order while they can.
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