'I'm in a lonely marriage - my affair gives me everything my husband doesn't'

Daily Mirror

3 days ago

After feeling ignored in her own home, one woman has revealed how her secret affair has changed her life. Julia,* from Surrey, said she felt her marriage had become very one-sided, and she looked to others for the support she wasn't getting from her husband.
The 42-year-old claimed she had spent years waiting for something to change, and when she realised it wasn't, embarked upon an 'invisible affair' - and says it's the "most intense relationship" she's ever had.
The term invisible affair refers to an emotionally intense relationship that exists entirely online, with no physical contact. Defined by the absence of physical contact, they can still spark deep emotional and sexual connections.
Julia, an accountant, confessed she doesn't feel guilty for going behind her husband's back, and said when she speaks to her online partner, she can become "someone else" for a while.
Unlike traditional infidelity, invisible affairs leave behind no telltale signs – no lipstick-stained collars, no unexplained receipts, and no need for physical cover stories. So for many, this is the exact appeal: discretion, safety, and emotional intimacy without the risk of being caught in the real world.
Julia said her affair "happened gradually" and told The Mirror: "I didn't set out to cheat, I just reached breaking point because I felt so lonely in my relationship. My marriage had become so one-sided.
"I was there for my husband, caring for him, listening to him, supporting him… but I never felt like any of that was being returned," so she turned to an online website called Illicit encounters one evening "out of curiosity" and signed up.
"I didn't think anything would come of it, but I started talking to a few men, I've found a connection with one in particular and for the first time in years, I feel heard. That's really all it took… someone actually listening to me."
Julia said the reason for seeking someone else was down to "emotional starvation" and she felt "invisible" at home. "My husband shows a lack of interest in me. I could be in the room and feel completely alone. You try to push that down and carry on, but eventually it builds up."
However, she thinks if he ever felt bad, he would be "hurt" and said: "I think he'd be shocked, probably hurt, but also confused. Because from his point of view, everything seems fine. He probably doesn't realise how far apart we've drifted."
She finds the time to speak to her online partner in the evenings whenever her husband is asleep or watching TV and will speak almost every day over text, phone calls and video calls. "It feels like a double life, in a way… but one that keeps me sane. I'm not sneaking out, I'm not lying about where I am. I'm just carving out a space that's mine."
Although she knows it's wrong, she admitted she doesn't feel bad for it. "I spent years waiting for something to change at home. I've been loyal, patient, supportive. I don't think wanting to feel connected or wanted makes me a bad person. There comes a point where you realise life's too short and I've just given myself something I needed.
"When I'm talking to my online partner, I get to be someone else for a little while, not a wife, not someone always compromising. Just me. It's actually a relief. We talk about how our days went, how we're feeling, silly things, deep things… things a wife should be able to talk about with her husband.
"There's a real connection with my 'lover'. He remembers things I've said. He asks follow-up questions. It's all the little things that make you feel like you matter." But despite going behind his back, she wouldn't consider divorcing her husband as she doesn't want to "throw away" everything they have been through together.
She added: "But at the same time, I can't keep pretending I don't have needs. This is my way of finding a bit of happiness without breaking my entire life apart."
There has been a rise in people seeking invisible affairs and a new poll conducted by IllicitEncounters found that nearly a third of cheaters say their most recent affair never actually involved meeting up in person. The ways in which people are conducting these affairs are varied, but all remain digital.
The majority – 74% – said they maintain their virtual relationships through regular phone calls, while 65% admitted to exchanging flirty messages or sexting. Nearly half – 47% – send intimate photos and videos, and 26% have engaged in virtual sex via video calls.
They can happen due to emotional dissatisfaction with a staggering 78% of those in these virtual relationships said they were seeking emotional support they felt was missing in their current relationship. Meanwhile, 67% reported feeling less guilt because there was no physical cheating involved.
While 61% worryingly said they preferred this type of affair simply because it's easier to hide. Another 43% admitted they were attracted to the thrill and excitement of digital intimacy, while 38% said they wanted to maintain physical loyalty to their spouse.
This is something that doesn't surprise Julia who said: "I expect mostly women – who feel emotionally neglected in their marriages. We're told to be understanding, to be supportive, to make allowances… but no one talks about what it does to us to be constantly ignored or dismissed. Invisible affairs give people a safe way to feel seen and appreciated again."
Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert and spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com said the shift reflects how digital intimacy is redefining modern relationships. "Invisible affairs aren't about avoiding connection – they're about creating it in a new way and for many.
"These relationships offer a much-needed sense of being seen, heard, and desired, especially when that's lacking at home. They may not involve meeting in person, but the feelings involved can be just as powerful. These kinds of affairs highlight how modern infidelity is evolving – and how emotional needs often come before physical ones."