If applying to be Black Rod is what it takes to save Britain's traditions, then I'll do it

Telegraph

23-02-2025

If there is to be a British equivalent of Elon Musk's Department Of Government Efficiency then you'd think one of the first targets in its crosshairs would be the role of Black Rod. This week, a vacancy for the estimable old job, established in 1361, was advertised because its current occupant, Sarah Clarke, is stepping down in the summer. Even for those aware of Black Rod's historic role in the State Opening of Parliament, it can look like an expensive oddity.
The sight of a pumped Musk wielding a 'chainsaw for bureaucracy' on stage this week at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Maryland will strike terror into the hearts of civil servants everywhere, not least those whose main responsibility it is to hit a big door three times while dressed as a member of a Kinks tribute act.
Black Rod is best known for the custom of striking the door of the House of Commons after it has been shut, a tradition that remembers King Charles I's attempt to arrest five MPs in 1642. It symbolises the Commons' independence from the Lords and the monarch.
Incredulous TikTokers marvelled this week over the prospect of being paid £87,000 for what they assume is one day of work a year. The job is rather an attractive one with plenty of benefits, including a generous holiday allowance and a handsome civil service pension. In the current climate, all this parading around seems like an appalling waste of taxpayers' money.
If we got rid of Black Rod could we make better use of the salary in the denuded defence budget? It would get you 8.7 per cent of a Storm Shadow missile or 0.1 per cent of an F-35 fighter jet. Perhaps we should sign the rights to Black Rod over to Amazon, as we have with James Bond.
The uninitiated can be forgiven for thinking this is a ridiculous thing to pay someone to do. Every State Opening of Parliament – with its arcane rituals, ermine-clad peers, golden thrones and Black Rod in his or her buckled shoes and stockings – is now greeted with abuse and cynicism with comments such as: 'Is this what democracy looks like?' or 'How does this reflect modern Britain?'
And yet, it is that very arcane, ritualistic and practically pointless nature of the role that gives it its value. Britain's traditions are being eroded in every sphere of public life and this one, intrinsically linked to our democratic history, is precisely what we should be protecting. The downside of globalisation is cultural homogenisation. Britain should always be vigilant in defence of things that make it distinct and special. Traditions have symbolic meaning and symbolism is how we know who we are. The trouble with making everything modern and relevant is that what is considered modern and relevant today is often meaningless tomorrow. I'm tempted to apply, not least for the clothes.