Latest news with #30years
Washington Post
7 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Husband taken aback by wife's ‘raunchy' novel based on her past
Dear Carolyn: My wife, 'Lisa,' and I have been happily married for 30 years, raised three great children and look forward to a very comfortable retirement. I couldn't have asked for a better wife and partner. Over the years, besides her day job, Lisa has made many forays into creative writing and has been pretty successful. She's published articles and several short stories. Her blog is popular, so she decided to attempt the novel she's always talked about. She told me I could read it anytime, and now that it's in the hands of her agent, I did. The novel is about a 'wild child' of the late 1980s, and I immediately knew Lisa had based it loosely upon herself. It is very entertaining but quite raunchy, so I mentioned that she must have embellished quite a lot — but she said no, she left a lot out. I am stunned. Lisa told me when we were dating that she had a 'misspent youth,' and I knew she had a lot more partners than I did, but I never imagined anything like this. I have two problems now: First, her past is bothering me, and I know that's stupid after all these years. Second, she's completely unconcerned that our friends, relatives and, worst of all, our kids might figure out this isn't exactly a work of fiction. How am I to deal with this without coming right out and forbidding her to publish this nonsense? — Stunned Stunned: Whoa. I was nodding along with you there — it'll be 'gently amused sympathy' in my fictionalized memoir — till 'forbidding' and 'nonsense.' Then you lost me faster than a wild child's impulse control. The two most efficient ways to detonate your snow-globe marriage are to control your beloved wife and talk down to her. So, no to those offensive blunt instruments. Plus, why use them when there are simple, obvious, low-drama options that target your specific concerns respectfully? For your fear of everyone's discovery, simply talk to your wife again. Ask whether she ever intends to reveal publicly what she told you. A calm ask, not an aggressive one. She may have no intention of deviating from the line that her book is fiction, even if, say, her kid asks her point-blank. If she hadn't thought this far, then suggest she ask authors who've been there? A calm suggestion, not an aggressive one. If she responds that she has nothing to be ashamed of or hide — then, ideally, you would agree that's both a fair point and her prerogative. But if you don't, then better to say, 'I need time to clear my mind' — calmly — than to try aggressively to change hers. You may have noted a theme. Pushing your distress onto her will only make things worse. I say this even though I don't agree it's 'stupid' for you to feel bothered. I mean, it's not smart or useful, let's not get carried away — but not everyone is ready to read their spouse's youthful sex diaries, so I think you can let yourself feel normal for flinching. Then forgive yourself. Then decide the bad feelings are too stupid to risk dwelling on at the expense of everything you've built. Because remember, your wife's entire past — not just the parts you're okay with — made her into the person you love and trust. So discuss your wife's plans with the book, yes. But it's not her job to make you feel better about her life before she met you. A few solo therapy sessions might help you — since I assume you won't run this by friends.
The Guardian
3 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
My mentor and friend died suddenly while I was at work. The memory of his kindness kept me going
We are going through the list of overnight admissions when my phone beeps. Expecting a medical request to do something or see someone, my chest cramps at the message. I must be sufficiently distracted for the trainee to ask, 'All OK?' It's a split-second decision. My instinct is to blurt out that an old friend has died and I need time out. But this would inevitably incur an explanation causing the ward round to be consumed by sympathy for me instead of care for our patients. So, I muster the pretence to say, 'Just keep going', convincing myself this is what Mike would have wanted. Mike and I met more than 30 years ago. Medical student admissions are a multifaceted thing but I like to think that he was the administrator who 'let' me in. More accurately, he was the one who told me years later that after several rounds of offers, there was just one remaining spot and many deserving students but maybe the universe had spoken and I squeezed in. Getting into medicine would turn out to be the most consequential event of my life. The next year, Mike gave me my first job, the task of settling the nerves of the medical students who were appearing for their interview like I did once. It was a decidedly plum job; paid hours, free sandwiches and real orange juice. But even better was Mike introducing me to a fellow student, G. 'I think you will get along' turned out to be a singular understatement when I think about the bounties of our close friendship, which now embraces five children. Like other students, I stayed in touch with Mike because he was interested in what medical students did with their lives after the coveted degree. He attended my wedding and brought my children thoughtful gifts when he came to dinner. He was there for the celebrations and the lamentations, when they came. Fifteen years ago, driving home from a routine work day, Mike suffered a devastating stroke. I remember dashing to intensive care where he was expected to succumb. Miraculously and, in part, due to his relatively young age, he survived every complication and was discharged to the stroke unit, the place of my worst memories. Here, Mike was often insensate and when awake had no meaningful use of limb or language. The nurses were caring but the loss of his dignity was scathing. I would sit there stunned by the blow of fate, hoping he recognised me. Defying predictions, Mike not only survived his hospital ordeal but also emerged largely cognitively intact. However, his physical needs necessitated admission to a nursing home. My standout memory from the nursing home was that his only window to the outside had an opaque coating. It made him miserable and even the staff couldn't explain its existence as it was not related to privacy. Over months, Mike and I appealed to the management to allow him a glimpse of the sun, sky and trees, all in vain. After that dashed hope, I resorted to simpler ways of 'helping' by asking what kind of sushi he wanted. At least, that was always under our control. But we never stopped talking about his desire to get out of the nursing home. In service of his dream, he was diligent with physiotherapy and continued to train his brain. I knew plenty of people who yearned to leave residential care but none successfully. It took the best part of two years and a mountain of paperwork and advocacy from his valiant sister to get Mike back into his own home. That was a remarkable day. With sophisticated modifications and dutiful caregivers, Mike's life was again illuminated by friends, theatre, and current affairs. When we visited him and found him content, I told my children that Mike's transformation was also a testament to a society which had painstakingly restored dignity to an individual in circumstances where it would have been far easier to let him languish in residential care. This really was exemplary disability care in the community. I found it especially instructive to witness the loyalty of his childhood friends whose interest in him seemed unaffected by his limitations. They were a living reminder of the adage that if you have one true friend you have more than your fair share. As Mike acquired a social life, our interactions slowed. But I was always delighted when he couldn't see me because he had other plans – there had been many intervening years of drought. Some weeks ago, I sent him an email proposing lunch, never imagining that it would only be read by his sister undertaking the heartache of posthumously sifting through his affairs. Now she tells me that Mike, after enjoying a holiday, presented to hospital with sudden and fatal deterioration. There had been no time to let anyone know that he was dying. It is difficult for me to absorb the shock all at once but Mike's sister says something very generous – that in his years of greatest need, I was like a daughter to him. I will never know it for sure, but the thought itself is a lovely consolation. Mike was one of the people who derived personal satisfaction from my enjoyment of medicine. My friend, G, became a role model for honouring our relationships despite the demands of life. Who would understand the significance of this sudden loss? G is the first person I text. I picture Mike's satisfaction that the two of us, brought together by him, stop to reflect on a life and legacy that couldn't have been scripted, at least not by two doctors. Ranjana Srivastava is an Australian oncologist, award-winning author and Fulbright scholar. Her latest book is called A Better Death
Daily Mail
25-05-2025
- Health
- Daily Mail
I cured my chronic pain with simple trick after doctors said I'd be disabled for life... here's how you can too
At just 19 years old, Nicole Sachs was told she would be wheelchair-bound by the time she was 40, unable to travel or have children. Sachs had been suffering from debilitating lower back pain for years and was told by her doctor it was caused by spondylolisthesis, a spinal condition where a vertebra slips out of place. Doctors insisted her pain was tied to the chronic spine condition, saying spinal fusion surgery was her best option, without guaranteeing it would put a stop to her pain for good. But before she went through with it, she discovered the practice of mind-body work and something clicked: her pain stemmed not from a physical malady but repressed trauma and emotion. Now, 30 years later not only is she pain-free, she's a globe-trotting mother of three, defying the limitations once imposed on her. In her book, Mind Your Body, Sachs, a social worker, reveals how she bridged the gap between traditional Western medicine and a radical new understanding of chronic pain: Her mind needed healing, not her spine. Her journey challenges everything she thought she knew about pain. Sachs writes it all started with a life-altering realization: doctors don't always have all the answers. Now, she's sharing the science behind the breakthrough that saved her, believing it could help millions trapped in unending pain. Pain can be all in your head, but not in the way you think. For thousands of years, ancient healers believed the mind and body were inextricably linked – that grief could weaken the heart, stress could turn the stomach, and emotional trauma could manifest as physical pain. The rise of Western medicine in the 17th century caused a seismic shift in the way people perceive pain and illness, seeing the body and mind as separate and to be treated as such. This has culminated in millions of doctors telling their patients that all of their tests came back normal and their pain is all in their heads, which comes off as a dismissal. That's exactly how Sachs felt,. Committing to the mind-body connection, however, reduced her suffering and sparked a quest to understand the brain's role in chronic pain. She pursued degrees in psychology and clinical social work and honed her approach, blending psychotherapy with mind-body science. Sachs wrote: 'The genesis of most chronic conditions can be explained when you understand the way a fight-or-flight-motivated nervous system sends signals of distress to divert us from the perceived 'predators' causing our suffering… I have discovered over years of practice that this is what's required to rewire your thinking.' By giving voice to her inner child and unprocessed trauma, her pain began to dissolve. In mind-body medicine, 'chronic condition' and 'chronic pain' cover a wide range of ongoing health issues, from autoimmune flare-ups and pain to GI problems, skin conditions, and anxiety. Sachs dealt with severe back pain for years and was in and out of doctors' offices, trying prescription painkillers and medications. Your brain is hardwired to save you from danger, but when trapped in endless 'fight-or-flight' mode, it can turn emotional pain into chronic illness. Stress floods your body with cortisol and adrenaline, preparing you to flee a predator or attempt to fight them off. In mind-body medicine, pain isn't random — it's the nervous system's way of distracting from repressed emotions like rage or heartbreak by converting them into physical symptoms. The fix, Sachs says, is to stop fighting one's feelings. She herself dealt with deep loneliness, rage and injustices as a child. As an adult, this triggered physical pain and she learned through mind-body science that her back pain was a response to that. By confronting repressed emotions, patients can 'switch off' the body's primal alarm system, stopping pain in its tracks. As part of her practice, she created JournalSpeak — a raw, unfiltered journaling practice to release buried emotions. JournalSpeak instructs people to choose a topic that is emotionally triggering to them and write about it for 20 minutes without worrying about spelling or grammar. When completed, the person can burn, discard or delete the writings as the purpose is to purge, not reflect. After writing, Sachs then instructs people to meditate or do grounding breathwork. She wrote: 'When the impolite, unthinkable truths are exhumed and safely felt, the nervous system no longer reacts by flying into protective mode and sending pain signals.' Scientists have been wrestling with the idea that chronic pain is connected to emotional turmoil, and could even be a response to it. A 2012 report in the journal Techniques in Regional Anesthesia and Pain Management concluded that chronic pain and emotional trauma are physiologically intertwined. Researchers found 35 percent of chronic pain patients meet the criteria of a PTSD diagnosis. Both conditions trigger hyperarousal in the amygdala and flood the body with stress hormones like cortisol. In 2022, researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles, posited in the journal Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews that repressed anger rewires the brain, activating the amygdala and flipping the 'pain switch' on to cause conditions like fibromyalgia and unexplained back pain. Pent-up rage, they found, disrupts key brain regions, turning emotional stress into physical pain. Unprocessed trauma and anger keep that pain switch turned on and continuously weaken the prefrontal cortex, which regulates emotions, decision-making, and pain signals. Sachs maintains the brain can learn to recognize that difficult emotions pose no real danger, reducing unnecessary pain signals, and techniques like JournalSpeak and mindfulness help recalibrate the nervous system, demonstrating that stress does not require a painful survival response.
CBS News
23-05-2025
- Politics
- CBS News
Trump touts record-breaking military recruitment. But numbers were rising before his reelection
Ahead of Memorial Day, President Trump has repeatedly taken credit for an upswing in military recruitment, claiming almost no one wanted to join the military before news of his reelection. "After years of military recruiting shortfalls, enlistments in the U.S. armed forces are now the highest in 30 years because there is such an incredible spirit in the United States of America," the president said last week in Riyadh. In reality, military records show enlistments began rebounding from a pandemic slump long before Election Day. While numbers have continued to rise under Mr. Trump, experts say the so-called "Trump Bump"—a term used by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth— is more likely the result of recruitment reforms introduced during former President Joe Biden's term. Mr. Trump has also exaggerated the scale of the recovery, claiming enlistments have hit modern highs. But public data shows the military is still attracting fewer recruits than it did earlier this decade. Trump's misleading claim that military recruitment reached 30-year records Asked for comment on the source of the defense secretary and president's claims, a White House official and the Defense Department both pointed to a statement by chief Pentagon spokesperson and senior adviser Sean Parnell. "Since Nov. 5, 2024, the U.S. military has seen the highest recruiting percentage of mission achieved in 30 years," Parnell said in April. Publicly available reports from the Defense Department confirm recruiters are currently meeting their goals for the year, but its monthly reports — only published online since 2016 — also show the services frequently adjust annual targets, making historical comparisons less meaningful. For example, after falling short of their goals in fiscal years 2022 and 2023 amid a tight job market, the Army cut its goal from 65,000 to 55,000 active-duty soldiers for the fiscal year 2024. After meeting that benchmark, it's aiming for 61,000 recruits this year. These shifting goal posts complicate claims of record performance. When measured by total recruits — the metric Mr. Trump appeared to explicitly reference — active military enlistments have risen year over year but remain below recent peaks. In March, the most recent month available, around 13,000 new people enlisted, an increase of nearly 50% over the prior year, but below the 15,000 recorded in March 2018, during Mr. Trump's first term. The figure includes all branches of the military except for the Coast Guard, which falls under the Department of Homeland Security. The highest monthly figure under Mr. Trump second term so far was in January—his inauguration month—when 15,597 recruits received basic training dates. That still trails the 16,800 recorded in January 2018 and 20,000 in August 2024 under Biden. Recruitment could surpass pre-pandemic levels by the end of fiscal 2025 in September, but it's too early to tell. And despite recent gains, enlistments remain well below levels achieved three decades ago. In 1990, over 220,000 enlisted in the active military. Those numbers declined after the end of the Cold War and haven't returned to that level, according to historic Defense Department data. Trump's false claim that recruitment fell to record lows during President Biden's last year Mr. Trump also claimed military enlistments fell to record lows during Biden's last year in office. "Just about a year ago, it was a big story, front page of every paper all over the world, that nobody wanted to enlist in our military," Mr. Trump said. That's false. Defense data shows military recruitment began to recover after COVID-era declines in fiscal year 2023 and continued to grow in 2024. That year, 146,473 people signed active-duty contracts—about 12,000 more than the previous year. Mr. Trump has further suggested enlistment was at a record low right before news of his election. In fact, 10,993 people enlisted in October 2024, the last full month before Election Day, a 60% increase over the same month in 2023. Experts say recruitment reforms explain why recruitment has ticked up, despite longterm challenges Experts who study military enlistment say the continued improvements have more to do with changes in recruitment strategy and compensation than the change in commander-in-chief. Katherine Kuzminski of the Center for a New American Security credits Biden-era programs like the Army's Future Soldier Prep Course launched in 2022 and the Navy's Future Sailor Prep Course launched in 2023 for helping candidates struggling with enlistment requirements. In 2024, about 25% of the Army's enlistments came through a prep course. "It's harder to convince someone to be interested in military service than it is to train them to a standard," Kuzminski said. Defense statistics show over 70% of American youths don't meet qualifications for military service because of rising rates of obesity, drug use, mental health issues, and difficulties meeting educational standards. Polls show interest in service has also declined in the last decade, and defense representatives have cited flagging trust in institutions, a shrinking population of veterans who serve as models of service, and the number of job options in the private sector, depending on the strength of the economy. To better compete with private sector offers, Congress approved a 14.5% pay increase for junior enlisted troops last December that took effect this year. "It would benefit the DoD to publicly also recognize that they've made quite a few adjustments to the recruiting enterprise instead of the perception that's coming out that it's driven solely by partisan politics," Kuzminski said, "Because I don't think that for most American youth that's the driving factor for their joining the military."
ABC News
12-05-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
How 30 years of Warcraft has taken Australian developer Darren Williams from Adelaide to Azeroth
Darren Williams remembers watching his dad moving fantasy characters across the screen of their home computer 30 years ago in Adelaide. They'd sit together as his father played Warcraft, commanding battles of orcs, goblins, knights and mages across a medieval land, constructing bases and gathering resources to amass the strongest army. Williams fell in love with real-time strategy (RTS) games, and his dad encouraged him to play, even though he wasn't very good at first. He played the video game series developed by Blizzard Entertainment for years, all through high school and into university, where he was studying engineering. "I had the realisation, 'Hey, engineering is a way you can make games. I want to make games,' and Blizzard games were my favourite." Now, years after watching his dad play, Williams is working on the same series. Williams spent hours building and learning the systems of the game alongside his university studies. The games shipped with their own campaign and map editors, allowing players to build custom scenarios or characters and upload them to the web for other people to enjoy. "It was so cool to realise the tools that game developers were using to build these games were available to players," he says. Warcraft III was particularly influential for Williams, who says it was "a gateway". "I'd follow games reporting and study how others built things, studying computer-programming languages used in the games in my spare time." The follow-up to Warcraft III was World of Warcraft (WoW), first launched in 2004. The multiplayer video game changed the genre from strategy to third-person role-playing, and hundreds of players would work together to defeat bosses and complete quests. Williams applied multiple times before successfully securing a job working on WoW around 15 years ago. He now lives in California, where Blizzard has its headquarters. Returning to Australia for the 30th anniversary celebrations of the Warcraft series in Sydney and Melbourne, he says the games have fostered a community of fans across the world. "Ultimately, for World of Warcraft, it is a social experience, right? You're jumping in and sometimes you're doing your own stuff, but you're doing that with a bunch of other people around. You're forming connections, the game connects you with other people," he says. "So when those people get together and meet physically, sometimes for the first time, it's so awesome." Edward Goodwin's path into making games also started as a player; the former professional esports competitor and broadcaster discovered the Warcraft spin-off card game, Hearthstone, in high school. "I was going to school for engineering in college and, about halfway through, I realised that Hearthstone was kind of my main hobby," says Goodwin. "I was getting to the point where I was good enough where I could transition from the engineering degree — which, while very important, was not really what I wanted to do. Instead I could play Hearthstone full-time." Goodwin, who played under the handle Gallon, competed as part of French esports team GamersOrigin around the world. But he never expected to become a game developer. "I don't think I ever set out to be in games. I think [it was] a little bit of like, right place, right time — there was a clear need for them to have someone who had like a super-high-level understanding of the game," says Goodwin. "I got older and my experience with Hearthstone kind of increased and my relationship with the game changed. "I'd done really well at tournaments, it kind of felt like the next logical progression, right?" Goodwin says the team worked hard to make their games fun for lots of different types of players — from professionals to people who are playing for the first time. "These games are for everyone. "With WoW being 20 years old … you'll have people who have played for a decade, two decades and, at the same time, you'll have players where they're literally playing their first game today." While both developers started their studies in engineering, their jobs were ultimately much more creative than most people would expect, with the goal to make the games enjoyable for all sorts of players. "Ultimately, it's very creative: you're taking a blank page, you're writing code and you're making something happen," says Williams. "It's really fun to talk to a designer, they have a lot of cool ideas. It's good to say to them, 'Actually, that idea is possible, we can kind of engineer anything.' "That is the best part about coming to work, working with people with different backgrounds, working with different disciplines and kind of bringing these experiences to life."
