Latest news with #AbigailVanBuren
Yahoo
5 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My wife doesn't show me affection anymore, and I'm out of options
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 22 years. It was a normal relationship, and I was very happy. However, over the last 12 years, my wife has changed. There is ZERO affection, no hugging, holding hands, and nothing sexual. We are like roommates. She blames it on having been molested when she was a child. Our level of intimacy was normal for 10 years. I have suggested counseling, but she refuses. Bottom line: Should I stay, or should I go? I am 64 years old, and this is my second marriage. I don't want to start over. — STARVED IN INDIANA DEAR STARVED: Ask your wife if she ever received counseling after she was molested. If she did, she needs more. However, if she did not, then it's time to explain to her that for the last 12 years, she has starved you of affection and human contact, and you do not intend to live the rest of your life this way. Then offer her a choice: counseling to deal with her issue or a divorce. You may not want to start over, but you may have to. DEAR ABBY: I brought my dad with dementia into my home. My husband has heart issues. We are all at each other's throats all the time. My siblings promised they would help take care of our dad, but they haven't helped much at all. Every once in a while they may take him for a couple hours, but then he's right back. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. But we really could use more help, though I feel guilty asking for it. Am I supposed to feel this way? I mean, they are his children, too. — OBLIGATED IN KENTUCKY DEAR OBLIGATED: I hope you realize you may have brought this situation on yourself, and it's up to you to do something about it. You said you feel guilty asking your siblings for more help taking care of your father. Lose that guilty feeling! They are his children, too, but they aren't mind readers. Tell them what you need, and if it is more time to yourself and your sick husband, don't be bashful about saying so. DEAR ABBY: My husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring for our 35th anniversary. People often ask how much it costs and why we would spend that. I know I don't have to explain myself, and I try to be polite. We both work, are debt-free, and don't bother anyone. What is the proper way to respond to questions like this? — DIAMOND GAL IN MASSACHUSETTS DEAR DIAMOND GAL: You are correct. You are not obligated to reveal personal financial information, so stop doing it. There's no end to the personal questions people ask these days. If someone inquires about how much your ring cost or why you would spend that amount of money, simply respond, 'You know, that's a very personal question, and I'm really not comfortable with it.' Then change the subject. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
11 hours ago
- General
- New York Post
Dear Abby: My wife doesn't show me affection anymore, and I'm out of options
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 22 years. It was a normal relationship, and I was very happy. However, over the last 12 years, my wife has changed. There is ZERO affection, no hugging, holding hands, and nothing sexual. We are like roommates. She blames it on having been molested when she was a child. Our level of intimacy was normal for 10 years. I have suggested counseling, but she refuses. Bottom line: Should I stay, or should I go? I am 64 years old, and this is my second marriage. I don't want to start over. — STARVED IN INDIANA Advertisement DEAR STARVED: Ask your wife if she ever received counseling after she was molested. If she did, she needs more. However, if she did not, then it's time to explain to her that for the last 12 years, she has starved you of affection and human contact, and you do not intend to live the rest of your life this way. Then offer her a choice: counseling to deal with her issue or a divorce. You may not want to start over, but you may have to. DEAR ABBY: I brought my dad with dementia into my home. My husband has heart issues. We are all at each other's throats all the time. My siblings promised they would help take care of our dad, but they haven't helped much at all. Advertisement Every once in a while they may take him for a couple hours, but then he's right back. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. But we really could use more help, though I feel guilty asking for it. Am I supposed to feel this way? I mean, they are his children, too. — OBLIGATED IN KENTUCKY DEAR OBLIGATED: I hope you realize you may have brought this situation on yourself, and it's up to you to do something about it. You said you feel guilty asking your siblings for more help taking care of your father. Lose that guilty feeling! They are his children, too, but they aren't mind readers. Tell them what you need, and if it is more time to yourself and your sick husband, don't be bashful about saying so. Advertisement DEAR ABBY: My husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring for our 35th anniversary. People often ask how much it costs and why we would spend that. I know I don't have to explain myself, and I try to be polite. We both work, are debt-free, and don't bother anyone. What is the proper way to respond to questions like this? — DIAMOND GAL IN MASSACHUSETTS DEAR DIAMOND GAL: You are correct. You are not obligated to reveal personal financial information, so stop doing it. There's no end to the personal questions people ask these days. If someone inquires about how much your ring cost or why you would spend that amount of money, simply respond, 'You know, that's a very personal question, and I'm really not comfortable with it.' Then change the subject. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Yahoo
a day ago
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My ex keeps making fun of my middle-aged son — I can't take it anymore
DEAR ABBY: I have a roommate, 'Don,' I have lived with for 11 years. At first, we were dating, but we broke up, and Don moved out for a year. We remained friends, and he moved back in to help me with rent and because he missed the cat. Our relationship has been strictly platonic for the last seven years. What drives me nuts is when we get in a fight, he never fails to bring up my son, call him filthy names and tell me he is worthless. This started a year ago. My son doesn't know Don does this. My son borrowed money from me (once) after his dad died three years ago, but he has paid it all back. He had some trouble with his business recently that Don read about on some Yelp reviews. He knows how much I love my son and that I would do anything for him. I suspect Don may be jealous, which is why he wants to hurt me. My son is 44, and Don never sees him. My son sees me only every couple of months. Don's attacks on my son are cruel and have nothing to do with our arguments. Sometimes, Don apologizes and says he won't do it again, but he always does. It tears my heart out. I can't decide what to do. — WOUNDED IN WASHINGTON DEAR WOUNDED: So Don has a mean streak and doesn't fight fair. The next time he drags your son into one of your disagreements in order to hurt you, your response should be, 'That's it. GET OUT. Get out of here this minute!' If he is shocked, tell him that because the rent is more than you can swing alone, you have decided to downsize to something you can afford without him. If he promises not to do it again, remind him you have heard that before and you don't plan on tolerating it again. Is his rental assistance worth the verbal abuse? Not in my book. DEAR ABBY: I have a strained relationship with my sister. There has always been a lot of drama surrounding her. Over the years, she has always played the victim. We talk only if one of my parents is having a health issue. Currently, my sister is in the middle of a contentious divorce. It has been going on for two years, and she's taking her victimhood to the next level. She's posting on social media about all kinds of things she alleges my brother-in-law has done to her. My wife and I have chosen to stay out of it. We have watched them treat each other badly over the years. My daughter is now graduating. She'd like to invite her aunt and uncle to her graduation party. What's the right thing to do? I would prefer not to invite either of them. I do not want drama at that party. — GRAD'S DAD IN INDIANA DEAR DAD: Explain to your daughter that because her aunt and uncle are at each other's throats as their divorce drags on, you are worried they will disrupt the happy occasion and ruin it for her, which is why you feel it would be a huge mistake for her to invite them. Then cross your fingers and hope she sees the wisdom. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
a day ago
- General
- New York Post
Dear Abby: My ex keeps making fun of my middle-aged son — I can't take it anymore
DEAR ABBY: I have a roommate, 'Don,' I have lived with for 11 years. At first, we were dating, but we broke up, and Don moved out for a year. We remained friends, and he moved back in to help me with rent and because he missed the cat. Our relationship has been strictly platonic for the last seven years. What drives me nuts is when we get in a fight, he never fails to bring up my son, call him filthy names and tell me he is worthless. This started a year ago. My son doesn't know Don does this. My son borrowed money from me (once) after his dad died three years ago, but he has paid it all back. He had some trouble with his business recently that Don read about on some Yelp reviews. He knows how much I love my son and that I would do anything for him. I suspect Don may be jealous, which is why he wants to hurt me. My son is 44, and Don never sees him. My son sees me only every couple of months. Don's attacks on my son are cruel and have nothing to do with our arguments. Sometimes, Don apologizes and says he won't do it again, but he always does. It tears my heart out. I can't decide what to do. — WOUNDED IN WASHINGTON DEAR WOUNDED: So Don has a mean streak and doesn't fight fair. The next time he drags your son into one of your disagreements in order to hurt you, your response should be, 'That's it. GET OUT. Get out of here this minute!' If he is shocked, tell him that because the rent is more than you can swing alone, you have decided to downsize to something you can afford without him. If he promises not to do it again, remind him you have heard that before and you don't plan on tolerating it again. Is his rental assistance worth the verbal abuse? Not in my book. DEAR ABBY: I have a strained relationship with my sister. There has always been a lot of drama surrounding her. Over the years, she has always played the victim. We talk only if one of my parents is having a health issue. Currently, my sister is in the middle of a contentious divorce. It has been going on for two years, and she's taking her victimhood to the next level. She's posting on social media about all kinds of things she alleges my brother-in-law has done to her. My wife and I have chosen to stay out of it. We have watched them treat each other badly over the years. My daughter is now graduating. She'd like to invite her aunt and uncle to her graduation party. What's the right thing to do? I would prefer not to invite either of them. I do not want drama at that party. — GRAD'S DAD IN INDIANA DEAR DAD: Explain to your daughter that because her aunt and uncle are at each other's throats as their divorce drags on, you are worried they will disrupt the happy occasion and ruin it for her, which is why you feel it would be a huge mistake for her to invite them. Then cross your fingers and hope she sees the wisdom. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
3 days ago
- General
- New York Post
Dear Abby: My coworker has been filling the office drinking fountain with lead-filled water
DEAR ABBY: The floor I work on has a cluster of offices surrounding a central kitchen area. Fifteen of us share the appliances, including a hot water reservoir with a tap. The building is old and has lead pipes, so a service brings in large plastic bottles for a water cooler. Usually, whoever arrives first in the morning fills the tank on the water heater from the cooler, and we all use it to make hot drinks during the day. I just found out that a new employee has been filling the tank from the contaminated tap! When I asked her about it, she said that the microplastics in the water jugs were more dangerous than the lead in the pipes. She's very committed to this idea and is not going to budge. I don't think this is right. I will heat my own water from now on, but how should I warn the others in the office? The source of our tea water seems like a silly thing to start an office tiff over, but I also think people need to know their water is unsafe. — NOT DRINKING IN NEW YORK DEAR NOT DRINKING: I agree the employees in your office should know about this. At least they will be on notice about which 'poison' they are consuming. Report this to HR or your employer, so the announcement can come from on high and you can stay out of the line of fire. DEAR ABBY: I have spent 40 years serving the public and my country, putting other people first and feeling guilty if I didn't. However, I am becoming resentful of the demands for my time. I'm retired, and my husband still works. We have always split the expenses 50-50, even though I make less than 40% of his income. Once I retired, my share of the household chores and errands increased from 75% to 90%. I wanted to make life easier for my husband, but now he expects me to run personal errands for him, too. All the wear and tear and gas usage is borne by my car, which is considerably older than his. I have a friend and walking partner who has been having different issues she needs help with. She has always talked about the close friends she has known for decades and sees regularly. They all live about 20 minutes away and are retired, in good health and able to drive. I offered her my help in the past, but now she and her friends think I should be her go-to person since I live closer to her than they do. I have my own schedule and routine now. I like having some days free to do what I feel like and not have to fulfill demands from others. How do I let people know my time is valuable and discourage them from expecting me to help them? — TOO NICE AND HELPFUL DEAR TOO NICE: It is not a crime to tell someone you don't have time to do what they want you to do. It's time to sign up for some assertiveness training so you can learn how to say no. (No, I'm not kidding.) If you do as I suggest, it might even improve your marriage. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
