2 days ago
I was certain my girlfriend had cheated, Dear Deidre helped me see what was really happening and deal with the truth
DEAR DEIDRE: THANK you for saving my relationship after I became convinced my girlfriend had cheated on me when I developed an STI.
The burning and itching all around my privates was so distracting that I knew it didn't bode well. Then I started to have trouble going to the loo.
Dr Google diagnosed me and my mind went into meltdown.
My girlfriend had been on a 'girl's week away' to Ibiza the month before and when she got home she was too tired for sex.
Thinking back I realised we'd only had sex once since her return and she didn't seem that into it then.
I put two and two together and came up with seven.
I knew I had been faithful the entire time and so in my head there was only one logical explanation; not only had she cheated, but she hadn't used protection and had put both our sexual health at risk.
I was furious and on the verge of leaving her. Distraught, I had already moved out to the spare room.
Completely baffled, she kept asking why I was so angry and what was going on.
At that point I felt so let down by her - we'd been together for three years and I was considering asking her to marry me. I couldn't even bear to look at her.
Then, I wrote to you, and thank goodness I did.
You told me to get to the sexual health clinic so that I could get any necessary treatment and information, you reassured me the staff would be respectful and considerate.
Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
Then you explained to me that there are some STI's that lay dormant, for years even, which if relevant in my case could explain my recent symptoms within a committed relationship.
I went to the clinic, discovered I had genital warts and the doctor confirmed that the virus (HPV) could have lain dormant and undetected in either myself or my girlfriend.
Taking a deep breath, I explained to my girlfriend why I had been so upset and cross.
She initially felt very let down by me, not just because I had assumed the worst, but because I didn't talk to her.
I got in contact again with you and you coached me on how to reconnect with her and show her I really wanted to change.
Six months on since I initially wrote to you in my desperate state, and I am very happy to say she said 'yes' when I asked her to marry me.
So, thank you.
From both of us.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS:
I'm so pleased you contacted me. By confiding your worries, I was able to explain this STI could have lain dormant in your or your girlfriend's system for years - to a time that predated you meeting each other even.
It would have been such a shame to end a good relationship because you had jumped to the wrong conclusion.
Your story also highlights why it's so valuable to communicate well. By keeping everything locked up your problems were only magnified.
You aren't the first person to write in with the completely wrong impression of what is really going on.
My support pack Looking After Your Relationship explains how to improve your communication skills.
Ask me and my counsellors anything
Every problem get a personal and private reply from one of my trained counsellors within one working day.
Sally Land
is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women's issues and general features.
Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.
Sally took over as The Sun's Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.
The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:
Kate Taylor
: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.
Jane Allton
: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.
Catherine Thomas
: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.
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