2 days ago
This Sask. father-son duo built a stronger bond walking on grid roads for 3 days
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Beautiful Mess is a series that mines the wisdom of parents in Saskatchewan who have experienced difficult circumstances.
Alex Oehler's family has lived all over the world.
The anthropology professor's work has taken him, his wife and their two sons to Scotland and Siberia, Arizona and the Arctic. But when the family moved from British Columbia to Regina during the pandemic, they were in for a big adjustment.
People couldn't go inside buildings and travel was shut down, so Alex would drive his car to the grid roads that surround the city, park and just started walking, no matter the weather.
"You just walk straight. You've got 95 per cent sky and five per cent ground," he said. "It's like you're floating through an incredible space. It's not even a landscape, it more of a skyscape."
Alex fell in love with the wide open sky, which he said leads to a wide open mind.
"I think when you're left alone on a gravel road, you have to deal with yourself. There's nothing to distract you and you really have to work through things," he said. "It's an incredible opportunity the Prairie landscape lends you."
He wanted to share this opportunity with his oldest son Lars. The two wanted to challenge themselves to an adventure right from their front door.
The goal was to walk all the way to Buffalo Pound Provincial Park, following the Trans Canada Trail as much as possible. By car, it's just shy of an hour. By foot, they were prepping for three days and two nights.
They mapped out their route, making sure to identify water sources along the road. They tried to keep their packs as light as possible, bringing water filters, some dried food and even instant oatmeal in Ziploc bags to prevent having to pack bowls.
They downloaded their favourite podcasts in advance. As they walked, they would sometimes listen to the same episode, then talk about what they'd learned.
Alex said it wasn't about the conversation, it was about just being side-by-side with his son.
"You're sharing your physical presence with the other person and you don't have to talk about it. You just are. You see things together, you exchange glances and you do things for each other," Alex said.
He said the act of cooking or setting up camp is an act of caring for the other person. They'd check in and make sure the other was doing well, something he said meant more than words.
The trip was not without its challenges. There was a farm dog that attached itself to the duo and followed them long enough they worried they'd have to turn around and walk it home.
The Trans Canada Trail looked more impressive on the maps than in reality. Unlike B.C., where Crown land is plentiful, Saskatchewan is mostly a collection of private land patches stitched together. The trail would end abruptly at a farmer's property line and they'd need to detour around barbed wire fences.
Finding a sheltered and safe place on public land to pitch a tent proved tricky.
Alex said he thinks of each trip as a little lifespan, and sharing his life with his sons means allowing them into his weaknesses and shortcomings as a human being.
"When kids are young they think of you as these people who have it figured out, but a trip like this quickly puts you in a situation where your kids realize you don't have it figured out."
Alex said it leveled the playing field. They had to brainstorm together about the right thing to do in come situations.
Lars said they made a wrong decision, setting up their tent under a bridge near a creek. The teen experienced the worst mosquitoe situation of his life.
Aside from lessons on insect avoidance, Lars said he also learned he can do hard things and picked up skills that will stay with him. As he approaches graduation, and his time under his parents' roof wanes, he has started to reflect on those character-building trips.
They are also thinking of the missed opportunities. There are many times where he chose video games over doing things with his dad. Alex said there have been many times he would have loved for his sons to join him on a project, like building a camper or fixing the roof.
He regrets that while the boys were playing Minecraft, they weren't learning other valuable skills like how to work with tools. But he doesn't want to pressure them into spending time with him.
"That would be totally unnatural, and I certainly wouldn't enjoy their company if I knew they were there only because I made them be there."
That's why, when his sons choose to spend time with him, it means even more. He invited his sons to come along this summer when he does field work in a remote part of Northwest Territories without wi-fi, where their endurance will no doubt be tested.
Ever the anthropologist, Alex is aware of a unique relationship between father and sons. He said men in North American and European cultures stereotypically measure themselves by their own strength.
"As your sons grow they get stronger and you wonder when will they be stronger than you. Not just in physical strength, but endurance, mental capacities, etc."
When they are figuring out a problem together, or testing their endurance and resilience in a challenging situation, Alex has watched his son surpass him. He said that experience is incredibly enriching and also humbling.
In the fall, Lars will be packing his bags and moving across the country to attend university in New Brunswick.
It's made him reflect on his adventures with his dad. The memories of mosquitoes have faded, replaced with feelings of gratitude and the knowledge that he has the skills to find his own path.
