31-01-2025
3 Lessons for Living Well, From the Dying
What if you knew that you were at the end of your life? Would you have done anything differently? A friend of mine volunteers at a hospice, and she hears one regret over and over from patients: letting relationships wither. They wish that they had made more plans with good friends, or they thought about getting back in touch with an old buddy, and talked themselves out of it.
For the past few years, I have been trying to prioritize my friendships, but after hearing her words, I'm making a bigger effort. I send silly texts. I invite friends to dinner. I squelch that inner voice that says, 'They're probably too busy to hang out.' I do not want any regrets.
Dr. Vicki Jackson, president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine Board of Directors, said that for the same reason, she doesn't hesitate to tell people that she loves them.
'I am not Pollyanna; I'm a big academic,' said Dr. Jackson, who has treated dying patients for a quarter century. 'But I tell people I appreciate them a lot. I have a lot of deep gratitude, because I know it is dumb luck that it's not me in that bed. And I know tomorrow it could be.'
I asked Dr. Jackson and other palliative and hospice care experts about what they've learned from patients. They offered advice that you can apply to your life, from those at the end of theirs.
Suzanne B. O'Brien, a former hospice nurse and author of 'The Good Death: A Guide for Supporting Your Loved One Through the End of Life,' told me that many dying patients look back with longing on the more mundane parts of their routines, like walking their dogs or making pancakes on a Saturday morning.
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