Latest news with #AmericanFriendshipProject
Hindustan Times
12-05-2025
- General
- Hindustan Times
Do you call your partner your best friend? New study says you may experience greater companionship
Do you consider your partner your best friend? If yes, you may be in the minority. A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined how romantic relationships and friendships intersect. It found that only 14 percent of US adults in relationships identify their partner as their best friend. Also Read | Cardiovascular surgeon advises not skipping leg day: 'It can prevent heart attack' The research found that the individuals who said that their partners were their best friends reported greater companionship. Meanwhile, those with a separate best friend experienced higher perceived social support, highlighting the distinct benefits of different types of relationships. The research was led by Natalie Pennington as part of the American Friendship Project. The study used data from 940 adults in romantic relationships. Participants listed up to seven friends and assigned labels like best friend or romantic partner without direction, offering insight into unprompted social perceptions. While 36 percent named their partner as a friend, only 39.5 percent of those also considered them their best friend. The study found that seeing a partner as a best friend correlates with greater emotional closeness and routine interaction, but the label itself doesn't necessarily deepen the bond if the partner is already seen as a friend. Interestingly, 25 percent of participants labelled more than one person their best friend, challenging traditional social norms. The study, 'What's in a label? Exploring the intersection of relationships with best friends and romantic partners with well-being,' found that older adults were slightly more likely to view their partner as a best friend. Meanwhile, married and higher-income individuals were less likely to do so. Those with a romantic partner as a best friend felt more companionship, whereas those with a separate best friend felt more supported, suggesting that no single relationship can fulfil all emotional needs. The study underscores the importance of maintaining diverse social ties and calls attention to how socioeconomic status may influence reliance on romantic partners. Though limited by its cross-sectional design and self-reported data, the findings support fostering multiple strong connections—romantic and platonic alike—for emotional well-being and resilience.
The Guardian
01-04-2025
- General
- The Guardian
You used to be close – but are you a ‘fringe friend' now?
We're hiding behind a dining table, waiting for the birthday girl to arrive. The door creaks open. 'Surprise!' we shout. When her shock fades, my friend yells, 'I thought the party was tomorrow!' My heart sinks as I realize she'd planned her own, separate party – and she hadn't invited me. After a decade of knowing her, I had become her fringe friend – a non-essential pal, the person who's 'always welcome but never invited', as fellow fringe friends say online. I shouldn't have been so surprised. We had grown apart after living in different cities, and our conversations have felt awkward and forced lately. But I still considered her one of my closest friends, so it stung when I realized she no longer prioritized our relationship like I did. Being a fringe friend is a universal experience, according to friendship experts. A study of college students found that the majority of people think their friendships are reciprocal, but only about half of them actually are. In a similar vein, people crave quality over quantity. Surveys from the American Friendship Project found that over 75% of adults were satisfied with the number of friends they had, but more than 40% felt they weren't as close to them as they'd like. Dr Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist and friendship expert, says negative thought patterns are common when you're a fringe friend: Did I do something wrong? Am I worthy of friendship? 'It's important to normalize and validate those feelings,' says Kirmayer. 'But on the other end, I find a lot of them stem from misconceptions we have about what's necessary in order to feel connected.' In other words, there may be some benefits to being a fringe friend. Research shows that companionship helps us feel more satisfied with life and protects us against mental and physical health problems, such as depression, anxiety and heart disease. At the same time, social relationships impose norms and expectations that can have the opposite effect, says Kirmayer. For example, you might think you need to attend every group hang – or risk not getting another invite. Or you may agree to all your pal's inconvenient requests so they know you have their back. But these 'shoulds, musts and have-tos' aren't always accurate, says Kirmayer. Instead, they 'increase pressure and feelings of guilt or shame when we feel as though we aren't measuring up or behaving in the way that's expected'. Cue the first benefit of being a fringe friend: you aren't beholden to anyone's expectations. 'You don't have to be at someone's beck and call because you know you're not their go-to person,' says Dr Irene Levine, a psychologist, friendship expert and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. 'It's nice to not have somebody depend on you. It doesn't feel like you're rejecting anyone.' Embracing your fringe friend era also gives you the space and time to invest in other areas of your life, says Levine, including new hobbies, self-care routines or family relationships. Meg Foster, a 22-year-old theology graduate student from Austin, Texas, had her own epiphany about three years ago when someone she was close to in high school 'forgot' to invite her to their mutual bestie's surprise engagement party. (They were both bridesmaids at the wedding … awkward.) The experience gave her the time and confidence to try new things – pottery, crochet, cycling, making bread from scratch – that she wouldn't have otherwise had. She also had zero fear of being judged for any of it. 'There's a lot of freedom in anonymity,' she says. As long as you're not being mistreated, it's perfectly fine, necessary even, to be a fringe friend, says Danielle Bayard Jackson, a relational health educator and the author of Fighting for Our Friendships. But be wary of using your fringe friend status to retreat into yourself, she says. Alone time can be healthy, but too much can make you feel worse. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion Becoming aware of emotional and physical distance from others can help you reflect on what you want and need from friendships, says Kirmayer. Are you spending time in spaces that feel nourishing and meaningful? What do you feel comfortable telling others about yourself? Are you craving emotional intimacy or shared experiences? This information can help you diversify your social relationships, says Kirmayer, which is a relatively easy way to meet different people who could potentially turn into close friends. Studies suggest that people who have more fringe friends – sociologists call them 'weak ties' – feel happier and more connected than those who have fewer of them. 'Very often one of the things I hear is the deep desire and the deeply held belief that we either need a best friend or that we need a friend group. That can be a source of motivation, but it can also be a source of shame and disappointment. The truth is that we can benefit from having all sorts of different connections and friendships in our life and that no one person can or will meet every connection need that we have,' says Kirmayer. 'Finding micro-communities will allow you to not only tap into specific connection needs you have, but also specific experiences you might share,' says Kirmayer. For instance, support groups can be helpful for people dealing with chronic disease or the death of a loved one – you can relate to others who truly get it without the fear of judgment, she says. This means it's worth the extra effort (and potential awkwardness) to ask your barista about their weekend plans or finally get to know your neighbor over freshly baked cookies. In fact, research shows that conversations with strangers tend to be more enjoyable than people expect. 'These weak ties help us address a different type of loneliness,' Kirmayer says. 'It might not be of the intimate, relational variety, but may be the communal type of loneliness: the feeling as though we are part of a larger community.' That said, balance is key. Finding and fostering deeper, reciprocal connections is important for your wellbeing, Kirmayer says. These more intimate relationships offer stronger emotional support, satisfy our innate need to feel capable and included, and are a major source of our overall happiness, research suggests. That's easier said than done. But when you embrace the vulnerability that comes with getting closer to others, you'll find that most people are open to it, says Kirmayer. That doesn't mean you have to dump fringe friendships along the way, says Jackson: 'It's about supplementing, not replacing.' Someone who is not your best friend can still bring value and joy to your life. It can be tough if you realize a particular bond is no longer mutual. But that doesn't have to be the case forever. 'Very often we think about the fringe experience as being the end point in our friendship and we believe the misconception that that's where we'll stay,' says Kirmayer. 'But maybe it's really the next step in building closeness. So instead of seeing this as the end, can you see it as the beginning?'
Yahoo
05-03-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
You need to make time for quality interactions and friendships. Can the 5-3-1 challenge help?
We've all been told to shoot for 10,000 steps per day and eight hours of sleep at night to preserve our physical health. But it turns out there are metrics we can aim for when it comes to spending time with others and maintaining our social fitness, which is crucial for our overall well-being. It's called the 5-3-1 guideline, and it's the brainchild of Kasley Killam, a social health expert and author of The Art and Science of Connection, who likens the social challenge to the step count or protein goals you might have to keep your body fit and fueled. Under 5-3-1, people should "aim to interact with at least five different people each week, to maintain three close relationships and to spend one hour a day connecting," Killam tells Yahoo Life. How does it work? Here's what to know. Hanging out with the people you live with (your partner, kids, roommates, etc.) is great, but interactions with people you don't know quite so well is good too. These interactions should ideally be varied, from asking your co-workers about their weekend plans to chatting with a server at your favorite local cafe to checking in with your nearest and dearest. Says Killam: "The more variety of connection that we have, the better off we are. I wouldn't discount the importance of those micro-moments of connection." These interactions don't all have to be in person, but that is the preference. See for yourself — The Yodel is the go-to source for daily news, entertainment and feel-good stories. By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy. Some examples of these interactions could be: A friendly interaction with a barista, cashier, Uber driver, server, etc. Hosting a family gathering FaceTiming a friend Chatting with co-workers Grabbing lunch with your romantic partner Having a good conversation with a neighbor Striking up a conversation with another shopper about the weather, their cool T-shirt, the price of eggs, etc. Your closest relationships — those "ride-or-dies" you connect with on a deeper level — might be with people you rarely see. And that's OK! The important thing, according to Killam, is that, in addition to having those more casual everyday interactions with a variety of people, you have a stronger support system with at least three other people. Natalie Pennington, an assistant professor of communication studies at Colorado State University who recently published in the American Friendship Project, tells Yahoo Life that having more than one person in your corner is key because it can be "a buffer." "If you're having to fight with your mom, it's being able to turn to a friend," Pennington explains. "If you're fighting with your friend, it's being able to turn to your partner. If there is stress experienced in one relationship, being able to have someone else you can turn to is really important." Do what you can to actively foster those bonds, Killam adds. That might mean having a date night with your spouse, planning a trip to visit your best friend on the other side of the country or just calling a loved one for a catch-up. In contrast to the other parts of 5-3-1, this is less about hitting a weekly quota and more about not losing sight of the relationships that really matter. The one hour of connection each week doesn't have to be spent in one big 60-minute block, or with one person. Consider it a benchmark for working more active connections into your day. Killam cites a few examples: A 10-minute phone call during your commute to work A 20-minute conversation with your co-worker during your lunch break Taking a walk with your partner or kids after work Making a post-work phone call to a friend And no, Killam says she doesn't believe that watching TV with your significant other or child qualifies. "Doing an activity together can definitely count, but watching TV or something like that is passive," she says. "Sure, you're together, but you're not engaging with each other more deeply. I would say it's much more important that we get actual quality connection." You're on social media. You're answering emails all day. You're talking to people ... right? Killiam says today's reliance on technology makes it easy to feel like we're constantly connected, but it's "in a way that isn't fulfilling more deeply." It's like snacking on chips and popcorn instead of having a hearty meal. "It might be filling, and it might be satisfying to a certain extent, but we need to invest in that in-person time and deeper connection to truly be nourished." Another trend she's observed: People leaving the neighborhoods they grew up in and moving to new places, creating a sense of transience. Data shows that people aren't as active in community groups — such as book clubs, sports leagues or neighborhood associations — as they used to be, she notes. In the absence of those tried-and-true opportunities for connection, challenges like 5-3-1 can help motivate us to fill that friendship gap. While 5-3-1 might seem like a numbers game, Killam says that it's more about quality than quantity. It's about striving for more in-person encounters over social media scrolling, opening ourselves up to new friendships and spending quality time with the people we love most. That last one is especially important, says Pennington, who points to the American Friendship Project's findings that most people are satisfied with the number of friends they have, but wish they were closer and spent more time with those friends. And if it's just not practical to do an in-real-life hang, a text or FaceTime can still hold value. "We underestimate how much that means to the other person," says Killam. "A lot of us live in different places than our friends and family, and so it's a requirement to be able to stay connected in those kinds of ways."
Yahoo
05-03-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
You need to make time for quality interactions and friendships. Can the 5-3-1 challenge help?
We've all been told to shoot for 10,000 steps per day and eight hours of sleep at night to preserve our physical health. But it turns out there are metrics we can aim for when it comes to spending time with others and maintaining our social fitness, which is crucial for our overall well-being. It's called the 5-3-1 guideline, and it's the brainchild of Kasley Killam, a social health expert and author of The Art and Science of Connection, who likens the social challenge to the step count or protein goals you might have to keep your body fit and fueled. Under 5-3-1, people should "aim to interact with at least five different people each week, to maintain three close relationships and to spend one hour a day connecting," Killam tells Yahoo Life. How does it work? Here's what to know. Hanging out with the people you live with (your partner, kids, roommates, etc.) is great, but interactions with people you don't know quite so well is good too. These interactions should ideally be varied, from asking your co-workers about their weekend plans to chatting with a server at your favorite local cafe to checking in with your nearest and dearest. Says Killam: "The more variety of connection that we have, the better off we are. I wouldn't discount the importance of those micro-moments of connection." These interactions don't all have to be in person, but that is the preference. See for yourself — The Yodel is the go-to source for daily news, entertainment and feel-good stories. By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy. Some examples of these interactions could be: A friendly interaction with a barista, cashier, Uber driver, server, etc. Hosting a family gathering FaceTiming a friend Chatting with co-workers Grabbing lunch with your romantic partner Having a good conversation with a neighbor Striking up a conversation with another shopper about the weather, their cool T-shirt, the price of eggs, etc. Your closest relationships — those "ride-or-dies" you connect with on a deeper level — might be with people you rarely see. And that's OK! The important thing, according to Killam, is that, in addition to having those more casual everyday interactions with a variety of people, you have a stronger support system with at least three other people. Natalie Pennington, an assistant professor of communication studies at Colorado State University who recently published in the American Friendship Project, tells Yahoo Life that having more than one person in your corner is key because it can be "a buffer." "If you're having to fight with your mom, it's being able to turn to a friend," Pennington explains. "If you're fighting with your friend, it's being able to turn to your partner. If there is stress experienced in one relationship, being able to have someone else you can turn to is really important." Do what you can to actively foster those bonds, Killam adds. That might mean having a date night with your spouse, planning a trip to visit your best friend on the other side of the country or just calling a loved one for a catch-up. In contrast to the other parts of 5-3-1, this is less about hitting a weekly quota and more about not losing sight of the relationships that really matter. The one hour of connection each week doesn't have to be spent in one big 60-minute block, or with one person. Consider it a benchmark for working more active connections into your day. Killam cites a few examples: A 10-minute phone call during your commute to work A 20-minute conversation with your co-worker during your lunch break Taking a walk with your partner or kids after work Making a post-work phone call to a friend And no, Killam says she doesn't believe that watching TV with your significant other or child qualifies. "Doing an activity together can definitely count, but watching TV or something like that is passive," she says. "Sure, you're together, but you're not engaging with each other more deeply. I would say it's much more important that we get actual quality connection." You're on social media. You're answering emails all day. You're talking to people ... right? Killiam says today's reliance on technology makes it easy to feel like we're constantly connected, but it's "in a way that isn't fulfilling more deeply." It's like snacking on chips and popcorn instead of having a hearty meal. "It might be filling, and it might be satisfying to a certain extent, but we need to invest in that in-person time and deeper connection to truly be nourished." Another trend she's observed: People leaving the neighborhoods they grew up in and moving to new places, creating a sense of transience. Data shows that people aren't as active in community groups — such as book clubs, sports leagues or neighborhood associations — as they used to be, she notes. In the absence of those tried-and-true opportunities for connection, challenges like 5-3-1 can help motivate us to fill that friendship gap. While 5-3-1 might seem like a numbers game, Killam says that it's more about quality than quantity. It's about striving for more in-person encounters over social media scrolling, opening ourselves up to new friendships and spending quality time with the people we love most. That last one is especially important, says Pennington, who points to the American Friendship Project's findings that most people are satisfied with the number of friends they have, but wish they were closer and spent more time with those friends. And if it's just not practical to do an in-real-life hang, a text or FaceTime can still hold value. "We underestimate how much that means to the other person," says Killam. "A lot of us live in different places than our friends and family, and so it's a requirement to be able to stay connected in those kinds of ways."
Yahoo
26-02-2025
- General
- Yahoo
50 first dates: How far 1 woman went to make new best friendships and what it says about Americans and loneliness
Aimun Amatul never thought she'd have trouble making friends. In college, a new buddy could be found on the dance floor, in class or even in the girls' bathroom with a simple 'omg, I love your outfit!' the 24-year-old tells Yahoo Life. And then, 'adulting' hit — and hit hard. Her first job out of college was as a nursing assistant, working 12-hour shifts, which left little time for socializing. Even after switching to marketing, she was so drained after her 9-to-5 schedule. She didn't have the time or energy to respond to old friends' texts and calls, let alone go out and meet new people. But in a suddenly shrunken social sphere, Amatul turned to an unusual source to restore her connections: Bumble BFF, the friend-making arm of the popular dating app. Amatul just started matching and meeting up with other women, and before she knew it, she'd been on 50 friend-dates from the app. And she wound up with enduring friendships. 'Over time, I've created extremely strong friendships, and I've come to realize that the friendships that last the longest are the ones where I feel totally and completely OK being myself,' she says. But Bumble BFF was a sort of hail mary for Amatul. Despite being extroverted, she felt pretty friendless and at a loss for how to change that before she started swiping on potential pals. With a loneliness epidemic upon us, according to the former U.S. surgeon general, the state of friendship in America is much under the microscope. Amatul is far from alone in feeling that forming connections, especially close ones, has gotten harder over time. So is friendship in the U.S. really in a state of emergency? Here's what Amatul, the data and friendship experts have to say. 'There's definitely evidence that people are experiencing high levels of loneliness,' Natalie Pennington, an assistant professor at Colorado State University who studies friendship, tells Yahoo Life. Her own research, published in the American Friendship Project, shows that young people in particular are struggling. Pennington suspects that, for teenagers and young adults, 'people are around them all the time, but they aren't engaging.' That may mean American friendships have a problem of quality rather than quantity. See for yourself — The Yodel is the go-to source for daily news, entertainment and feel-good stories. By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy. Pennington's research suggests that, on average, Americans might not have dramatically fewer friends than they did in the past, but counting them turns out to be harder than it might seem. One 2021 survey suggested that the share of both men and women who had no close friends increased by four-fold since 1990. A recent Pew survey made similar findings: 20% of men and 17% of women said they had no close friends. But when asked how many friends — not close friends — people have, Pennington's study found that nearly half (44%) of Americans said they had between one and five friends. She and her colleagues concluded that only 2% to 3% of survey respondents had no friends. That, Pennington says, is similar to what was seen in past friend polling from the 1990s. Perhaps more important, 'people are pretty happy with the number of friends they have,' says Pennington. 'They wish they had more time for their friends or were closer with their friends.' While more than 75% of respondents to the same survey said they were satisfied with the number of friends they have, only 57% said they were satisfied with the amount of time they get to spend with friends. And more than a third (37%) said maintaining close relationships had been difficult or frustrating for them over the past year. A lack of free time may be why about 66% of adults surveyed by the American Friendship Project in 2023 said it was easier to make friends at a different time in their lives. However, it's more difficult to pinpoint whether this reflects how relationships change over a person's life or if there's been a broader shift in recent decades. In either case, all of the experts that Yahoo Life spoke to say that time is a key factor. Amatul certainly has seen that firsthand. After college, 'you realize how little time and energy you have' for a social life. Amatul, who was recently laid off from her job, says that when she was working, 'I would come home at 6 p.m., have time to eat, do a quick workout, watch a show and then go to bed.' She simply didn't have the hours in the day to spend with friends. Plus, 'there are days that I choose to rot in bed and scroll and hang out on social media rather than with my real friends,' Amatul admits. 'It takes a lot of energy for me to want to break out of that routine.' Many people, including Amatul, find that making and keeping friends is harder in adulthood. But Andy Merolla, a professor of communication theory at the University of California, Santa Barbara, suspects that many Americans are working more hours to handle rising costs for basic necessities like eggs and housing. That's costing them time for friends. 'You have to schedule time for friends as if you were scheduling a doctor's visit,' Merolla tells Yahoo Life. 'It's not just that there's fewer minutes in daily life for friendship, but that it takes more effort to make those kinds of quality interactions happen,' he says. When you're already tapped out by work, parenting and chores, it can be hard to muster the energy to reach out to friends. 'The more that our work requires us to recharge, the more that we might feel driven to spend that time [alone] because spending it with other people might strike us as similar' to work, he explains. 'The contradiction is that you might need that time with friends; that's the paradox.' In other words, time spent with others may seem like it will further drain us when it's actually one of the things that helps to refuel us, Merolla says. In a word, no. 'There's not actually strong research evidence that social media is uniquely bad for us,' says Pennington. 'It's just more net-neutral.' Whether social media and other forms of technology are beneficial or harmful depend — like any tool — on how they're used, she says. Time spent passively scrolling through TikTok or reading news does little to connect us with others, Pennington says. But more active engagement, like messaging a friend, can have positive affects on our social connections and, thus, our overall well-being. For Amatul, technology made all the difference when it came to making friends: Her 50 first Bumble BFF dates resulted in many delightful dinners, hiking buddies and a group of six girls that get together regularly. When it comes to making friends, researchers have actually figured out how long it takes. On average, people begin to consider someone a friend rather than an acquaintance after spending 50 hours together, according to a 2018 study involving adults. But it takes between 120 hours and 160 hours to become good friends and 300 hours — the equivalent of more than eight days — before someone qualifies for the title of a "best" friend. How those hours together are spent seems to matter too. The researchers found that, in the early stages of a friendship, just hanging out together seems to help people become close. But later on in relationships, intimate conversations were more predictive of close friendships than shared activities. Small talk, beyond when you first meet someone, predicts a decrease in closeness. But time spent on real talk — discussions about the past week, shared jokes, deep conversations — at the six- and nine-week marks was linked to closer friendships. These kinds of interactions often involve the key friendship ingredient of self-disclosure, Amanda Holmstrom, an associate professor of communication at Michigan State University, tells Yahoo Life. 'It doesn't mean you should tell somebody everything about yourself right way, but, to some extent, intimacy is contingent on people sharing thoughts, feelings and beliefs." In other words, to be friends, you have to take the time to get to know one another and be a bit vulnerable. As for keeping those friends? People may spend as much as 1,000 hours over the next month with each good or best friend to maintain their closeness, the study found. That's a lot of time that we may not feel we have in the busy enviroment in which we live — especially in adulthood, when we're spread thinner by long work hours, child care and other mundane but essential tasks. There's no getting around it: Friendships take effort. But some simple tools and tips can make that feel less daunting. Start small. Holmstrom and her colleagues gave a group of college students an assignment: Each day, give one person a compliment, tell them they cared about them or share a joke over the phone or in person. 'Students who did that just one time, at the end of the day, had a greater sense of well-being; they felt less lonely and more connected,' Holmstrom says. You can try that with any of your own friends or acquaintances. It's a small lift with a big payoff, says Holmstrom. Shoot your shot. Given her positive experience, Amatul has been an advocate for using technology like Bumble BFF to make friends. But she also knows that being willing to message others first improved her chances of a connection. And, Merolla notes, you can think of this as practice: Sometimes, the joke you make with the parent standing next to you at the soccer game will land, and sometimes it won't. That's OK. Open up. Experts agree that self-disclosure is a key ingredient to meaningful friendship. But it's definitely a two-way street. Try to plan time — whether it's a call, a walk or even running errands together — when there is plenty of space to just talk with a friend. And remember that you can signal your openness to connection in subtle ways, like putting your phone away when you're around others.
