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Time Magazine
29-04-2025
- General
- Time Magazine
You Don't Have to Be Certain You Want Kids to Have Them
If you'd asked me in my twenties if I wanted children, I'd have told you 'hell no.' But by my thirties, I'd softened. When my therapist asked me on a scale of one to hundred, how badly I wanted a baby, I blurted out that I was 55% certain. But this was still just the flip of a coin, essentially. I wanted a child slightly more than I didn't want a child. I'd made pros and cons lists. Read books like Maybe Baby, an anthology of over two dozen writers on their parenting choices. I talked to those who had kids—and those who didn't—about why they made the decisions they did. But nothing moved the needle significantly on that 55%. Being 55% certain about motherhood stymied me. It didn't help that whenever I disclosed to anyone how unsure I felt, I was told that I should really want a baby if I was going to have one. Children required sacrifice. They caused hardship. They meant giving up your dreams even if your dream was only to read a book in peace every once in a while. I was reminded that if I had a baby, I would barely recognize my former self. I wouldn't want to do anything I liked to do before. Writing would be out of the question. Reading a newspaper would too. Friends, forget it. Work, don't even think about it. I'd just spent the last three decades shaping and molding myself into the person I wanted to be—now I'd have to lose her? I had no idea back then that what experts call 'maternal ambivalence'—a feeling of uncertainty before embarking on pregnancy and parenthood—is the norm. In fact, research shows that maternal ambivalence is incredibly common. I was normal, and yet I believed that all those women I saw on TV, in movies, and on my social media feed, who seemed so certain they wanted children, were the normal ones. I knew my great-grandmother, my grandmother, and even my mother never had the choice to become mothers. It's just what women did. But now we have a language, a lexicon, for maternal ambivalence. It seemed bonkers to me that practically every woman I knew seemed to be scrambling to sign up for what amounted to indentured servitude. It's not like the images we're bombarded with make motherhood look like a good time. For instance, the book Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder, and the new film adaptation starring Amy Adams, follows a stay-at-home mom whose postpartum life is so surreal she turns into a dog. No wonder so many of us are unsure we're all-in on motherhood. I didn't want to be self-sacrificing, but I also had no desire to morph into an animal. Everywhere I turned mothers seemed overwhelmed, exhausted and filled with rage—or, at the other extreme, glowing, happy-to-compromise, and excited by the identity-annihilating drudgery of their new life as a mom. Neither seemed realistic to me. Is there no middle ground? We do women, and everyone, really, a disservice when we only show motherhood at the margins. Sure, there are the early wakeups, the diaper blowouts and the tantrums on the one hand. And on the other, the morning cuddles, the feeling of my daughter's hand in mind, and the first 'I love you.' But there is a whole world in between, a world that is messy and real and raw, and dare I say, human. Maybe we don't talk about the quotidian because those moments are ordinary and as such they are hard to pin down. Maybe in our modern world we are always so busy and rushed that unless something stands out as really bad or really good we don't have the bandwidth to mention it at all. And yet, back when I was deciding about parenthood, I wish someone would have said that being a mother is like all of life: sometimes terrible and sometimes terrific but mostly in between. Back then, parenting seemed like something I should be all-in about if I was to turn my entire life around to bring a baby into the world. It didn't help that my husband at the time never wavered on the fact that he didn't want a child. If I wanted to be a mother, I'd have to leave my marriage at 37 to figure out how to have the baby I was only 55% sure I wanted. Some friends told me I should adopt a dog or get better at keeping my plants alive before I considered children. Others told me I should offer to babysit my friend's kid for a weekend. Everyone thought there had to be something I could do to give myself a little more certainty. But the truth was this: what I needed was honesty. I needed everyone to stop putting their own judgements and expectations on motherhood and just share the truth. I needed the institution of motherhood to stop being a boxing ring where liberals and conservatives duked out their feelings to the detriment of actual mothers. I needed to hear that when my daughter waves hello to the birds in the morning my heart would be flooded with joy. And when she insists that she's the only one who can put on her clothes, even though it takes three times as long, I would feel frustrated. Motherhood isn't something you can try out to see if you'll like it or not. If you choose to have a baby, there are no guarantees that you'll be good at it, that you won't regret your decision, that you'll figure it all out. You just have to have hope. It's normal to be uncertain about such a life changing decision. And it's completely fine to ultimately decide not to become a mother, too. Society stigmatizes women who choose to be child-free. Studies oscillate between whether women who are child-free are ultimately happier or whether the reverse is true. At the end of the day, screw the studies. It's a personal choice. I wish someone had told me back then as I sat on my therapist's couch that we don't have to be all-in on parenthood to choose to have a baby. That kind of grand expectation adds pressure to what feels like an already complex decision. Who says that I couldn't go from wanting a baby only 55% to 150% over time? Who says that I wouldn't evolve and grow as I stepped into the realization that my life is my own and I don't have to follow other people's rules? Who says that our feelings are fixed and we can't change? I wish someone told me that any decision we make that is true to our deepest desires is good. I wish someone had told me that I'd remain unhappy as long as I was in limbo. I wish someone had told me 55% was as good a number as any.
Buzz Feed
06-03-2025
- Entertainment
- Buzz Feed
Here Are 15 Actors I Think Won Their Oscars For The Wrong Performances — And I Fear Some Of These Might Be Controversial
Hot Topic 🔥 Full coverage and conversation on the Oscars Winning an Oscar is pretty much the highest accolade you can receive as someone involved in filmmaking. However, it's no secret that the Academy voters occasionally get it wrong. The most obvious example of this is when very deserving actors go unrewarded for repeatedly great performances. I'm talking about people like Amy Adams, Saoirse Ronan, Michelle Williams, Samuel L. Jackson, Angela Bassett, Tom Cruise, and Jake Gyllenhaal — stars who you'd think have at least one Oscar already but actually don't. And then, there's another instance: When actors do get Oscars, but not for what many deem to be their best performance. Like, how often have you seen 'Academy Award Winner' in front of an iconic actor's name, searched up the movie they won for, and found yourself thinking… what? Of course, there's a whole lot more that goes into an acting Oscar-win than just giving an excellent performance. The thousands of Academy voters take into account all kinds of factors, from the actor's campaign, the studio they're working with, whether they've won before, and, in some cases, what stage of their career they're in. Because of all this, people have started questioning the actual value of an Oscar win — and it's a valid line of discussion. But, without further ado, here's a bunch of people with Oscars for (IMO) the wrong performances... 1. Leonardo DiCaprio — Best Actor, 2016 Won for: The Revenant Should've won for: The Wolf of Wall Street Or What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Or Catch Me If You Can. The list goes on. 2. Alicia Vikander — Best Supporting Actress, 2016 Won for: The Danish Girl Should've won for: Ex Machina 3. Denzel Washington — Best Actor, 2002 Won for: Training Day Should've won for: Malcolm X 4. Heath Ledger — Best Supporting Actor, 2009 Won for: The Dark Knight Should've won for: Brokeback Mountain 5. Jennifer Lawrence — Best Actress, 2013 Won for: Silver Linings Playbook Should've won for: Winter's Bone 6. Al Pacino — Best Actor, 1993 Won for: Scent of a Woman Should've won for: The Godfather Or The Godfather Part II, whatever works. 7. Kate Winslet — Best Actress, 2009 Won for: The Reader Should've won for: Revolutionary Road 8. Jack Nicholson — Best Actor, 1975, Best Supporting Actor, 1983, Best Actor, 1998 HECTOR MATA / AFP via Getty Images Won for: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Terms of Endearment, and As Good as It Gets. Fantasy Films / Courtesy Everett Collection Should've (also) won for: A Few Good Men Columbia Pictures / ©Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection 9. Will Smith — Best Actor, 2022 Neilson Barnard / Getty Images Won for: King Richard Warner Bros. / Courtesy Everett Collection Should've won for: The Pursuit Of Happyness Columbia Pictures / ©Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection 10. Russell Crowe — Best Actor, 2001 Lee Celano / AFP via Getty Images Won for: Gladiator Dreamworks / ©DreamWorks/Courtesy Everett Collection Should've won for: A Beautiful Mind Universal / ©Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection 11. Whoopi Goldberg — Best Supporting Actress, 1991 Ron Galella / Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images Won for: Ghost Paramount Pictures / Courtesy Everett Collection Should've won for: The Color Purple Courtesy Everett Collection / ©Warner Bros / courtesy Everett Collection / Everett Collection 12. Brad Pitt — Best Supporting Actor, 2020 Steve Granitz / WireImage Won for: Once Upon A Time... in Hollywood Andrew Cooper / ©Columbia Pictures/courtesy Everett Co / Everett Collection Should've won for: Moneyball Columbia Pictures / ©Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection 13. Sandra Bullock — Best Actress, 2010 Dan MacMedan / WireImage Won for: The Blind Side Warner Bros / ©Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett Collection Should've won for: Gravity Warner Bros / ©Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett Collection And some extra mentions for actors who have honorary Oscars, but not competitive ones... 14. Samuel L. Jackson — Honorary Oscar, 2021 ANGELA WEISS / AFP via Getty Images Should have an Oscar for: Pulp Fiction © Miramax / courtesy Everett Collection 15. Angela Bassett — Honorary Oscar, 2024 Kevin Winter / Getty Images Should have an Oscar for: Black Panther: Wakanda Forever © Marvel / © Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / Courtesy Everett Collection Or even What's Love Got to Do with It. So, that's what I have! Do you disagree with any of these, or do you have any other examples I missed? LMK in the comments! More on this Here Are All The 2025 Oscars Winners Mychal Thompson · March 3, 2025 People Are Highlighting An Unfortunate Pattern At The Academy Awards After Timothée Chalamet Lost Out On His Second Oscar Ellen Durney · March 3, 2025 'We'll Never See An Era Like That Again': Mikey Madison's Oscar Win Has People Reexamining Just How Young Jennifer Lawrence Was At The Height Of Her Fame Ellen Durney · March 4, 2025
Yahoo
12-02-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
Apple Maps Follows Google Renaming Gulf Of Mexico To Gulf Of America After Donald Trump's Executive Order
Apple Maps is now displaying the name Gulf of America for the oceanic basin known as the Gulf of Mexico. Users in the United States can now see the new name on their devices running iOS, iPadOS, and macOS. Apple, a U.S.-based company, is expected to continue to gradually roll out the new name for users around the globe. More from Deadline Trump White House Blocked Associated Press From Oval Office Event Because It Didn't Rename Gulf Of Mexico As Gulf Of America, Editor Says Amy Adams To Star In & EP Apple TV+'s 'Cape Fear' Alongside Javier Bardem Steve Bannon Pleads Guilty To Border Wall Fraud Charge In Deal To Avoid Jail Time Apple's name change of the Gulf of Mexico follows Google and Donald Trump's executive order mandating the switch. Google addressed the name change in a post on X, the microblogging platform formerly known as Twitter. 'We've received a few questions about naming within Google Maps. We have a longstanding practice of applying name changes when they have been updated in official government sources,' Google posted. Apple CEO Tim Cook and Google CEO Sundar Pichai were among the tech giants who attended Trump's inauguration. The Associated Press announced in January that it would maintain the name the Gulf of Mexico in its Stylebook, noting that 'Trump's order only carries authority within the United States. Mexico, as well as other countries and international bodies, do not have to recognize the name change.' The AP will switch to referring to Denali as Mount McKinley. Google also noted that their 'longstanding practice' is that 'When official names vary between countries, Maps users see their official local name. Everyone in the rest of the world sees both names. That applies here too.' Apple has not publicly commented on the name change for the Gulf of Mexico. In late January, Mexico's president, Claudia Sheinbaum, sent a letter to Google asking the company not to change the name, telling reporters in a press conference, 'If a country wants to change the designation of something in the sea, it would only apply up to 12 nautical miles. It cannot apply to the rest, in this case, the Gulf of Mexico. This is what we explained in detail to Google.' Best of Deadline 'Paradise' Episode Release Guide: When Are New Episodes Streaming On Hulu? 2025 Awards Season Calendar: Dates For Oscars, Spirits, Grammys, Tonys, Guilds & More Everything We Know About Christopher Nolan's Next Film – 'The Odyssey': Release Date, Cast And More
