09-05-2025
Mental health in the moment
There is a particular combination of helplessness, frustration and bewilderment that come with certain moments of parenthood: when your preteen child is melting down over a minor inconvenience, when your toddler is wailing while climbing up your legs as you are trying to drop them off at preschool, or when – at any age – your precious offspring behaves like they have never been in public while you are talking to your in-laws or your boss or maybe your new neighbors.
What do you do? How do you calm them down without belittling their feelings? How do you make them feel understood while also getting them to cooperate? How do you defuse the bomb when you are also ticking?
'In childhood, the brain is developing while kids are experiencing so many big emotions and learning to navigate the world around them,' explained pediatric occupational therapist Amy M. Starkey. 'Learning to navigate peer relationships, school, expectations and impulse control is very difficult for all children, so we have to give them tools to support their mental health.'
Starkey's company, YOGA-2-GO, brings yoga and mindfulness programs to schools and youth organizations to teach kids social-emotional learning tools. These tools are practical, body-based practices that children (and even parents) can use in the moment to help self-regulate.
So, what are these magical tools?
'I call them the ABCs of calm,' Starkey said. 'A is for 'attention activities.' These are movements like yoga poses or stretches that help get the kid's energy level to come down so that we can move on to B, which are 'brain breaths.' Once breathing is under control, then we are ready for C, which stands for 'calm connectors' that focus on mindfulness.'
But don't wait until the middle of a tantrum to try these things. That will work about as well as telling your partner to calm down in the middle of an argument.
'Practicing these things ahead of time with children and building this repertoire is crucial,' Starkey said. 'So when that moment of dysregulation happens and the brain gets off track, parents can co-regulate with the child and remind them of their breathing exercises and other tools.'
Starkey suggests the key to practicing these tools is to make it fun and use whatever drives the child. Attention activities, for example, are seated or standing yoga poses that could be made to look like Transformer movements for a child who loves robot characters or dance movements for a child who enjoys dance.
Breathing exercises can also be fun.
'I love working with breath because it is one of the quickest and most effective ways to switch the brain from stressed to peaceful function,' Starkey said.
Starkey's favorite breathing exercises are the 'breathing ball,' 'bumblebee breath' and 'blow out your candles breath.'
To do 'breathing ball,' hold a small imaginary ball with your fingers in front of you. As you breathe in, your ball gets bigger until your arms are stretched above your head holding a beach ball. As you slowly breathe out, your ball gets smaller until it returns to its original size.
'Bumblebee breath' encourages the child to pretend they are a bee. On their inhale, they smell the flowers. On their exhale, they make a 'buzzing' sound like a bee. Starkey also suggests trying this exercise with the ears plugged, which can also help the child tune out external factors.
'Blow out the candles' not only works on breath, but also impulse control. 'I have the child hold up their fingers on both hands like they are birthday candles and blow them out one at a time,' Starkey said. 'Most kids want to go fast and blow out all the candles at once, but this helps them focus and slow down.'
Once the mind and body have slowed down through the attention activities and the brain breaths, 'calm connectors' like 'brain hugs' and 'brain drops' help a child focus and feel prepared to move forward.
'In times of stress, a lot of children respond well to deep pressure input,' Starkey said. 'You might even notice the child kind of crash or push into you when they feel dysregulated. 'Brain hugs' give them the ability to do that for themselves. I tell them to hug their brain by pressing their hands into the front, back and sides of their head while taking three to five breaths. I also like to suggest they thank their brain for doing a good job today while doing this.'
'Brain drops' are another option that Starkey says can really soothe the nervous system. 'You just take your fingertips and give yourself gentle taps or 'brain drops' all over the head while you breathe,' Starkey said. 'I like to tell them: 'Put brain drops in your eyes so they can see their best today. Put drops on your ears so they can hear their best today, on your mouth so you can speak your best today.' And so on.'
After these ABCs of calm are put into practice, Starkey said it is vital to check in with the child to see if they are feeling better.
'We want to help them make the correlation that, 'OK, I really like how I feel when I use these tools. This stuff actually does work.' We want them to feel empowered and learn how to use these things for themselves,' Starkey said.
Through YOGA-2-GO, Starkey offers a range of resources from digital downloads featuring many more tools to individual sessions. For more information, visit
What to know on graduation dates for Clemson, Furman, Wofford, Converse, Bob Jones and more
Heroes, villains and in between: See original Disney costumes
Healthy start, healthy you – May classes and programs for your growing family
Your guide to May arts classes, family fun, learning and more
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: Practical tools and exercise to help you and your child deal with big feelings
