Latest news with #AnnaSoubry
The Herald Scotland
17-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Forget Eurovision, here's where the smash hits are
Brace yourself, this evening, for a cavalcade of caterwauling, as so-so singers perform so-awful songs, while a tone-deaf audience cheer every woeful, witless warble. And, no, this doesn't mean that the landlord at your local boozer managed to fix the karaoke machine, thus enabling a tipsy hen party to stagger on stage, en masse, to screech half-remembered words into the microphone. Worse than that… it's the Eurovision Song Contest, the most hideous event that Europeans have inflicted upon each other, apart from two world wars. But fear not, faithful reader. Escape is at hand. All you have to do is switch off the telly. (Or throw a brick at it for a more satisfying result.) Now, in the blissful, song-free silence that ensues, enjoy the following classic tales from our archives… Cheeky about cheeks A reader was in a crowded Byres Road during a West End festival when he heard a young lad ask the woman holding his hand: 'Mummy, why is your bottom so big?' The woman kept her composure and merely replied: 'That's not a polite thing to ask.' The lad thought about this before trying again: 'Why is your bottom so big, please?' Stroll on We recall when Anna Soubry was the Junior Health Minister at Westminster, and she announced that smoking in cars should be banned to protect children. As one smoker who regularly drove his kids to school told us: 'I've decided not to smoke with the kids in the car. The walk will do them good.' Black humour The Iraq war was grim, though some of the British soldiers who were sent to the Middle East returned with amusing observations. A Scot who was out there told us the difference he noticed between British and American troops. 'A US Marines armoured column which went past had its vehicles nicknamed 'Lifetaker, 'Soul Stealer' and so on. 'A bunch of Black Watch squaddies watching them were a bit bemused. Their warrior fighting vehicle had 'Big Hamish' stencilled on the side.' Flight of fancy A confused reader confessed he didn't know why his mobile phone was broken after his office night out. It only became clear when he went back to work and a colleague asked him if he recalled putting his mobile onto airplane mode and then trying to fly it across the room. Boozy badinage The daft things you hear in the local hostelry. A chap in a Glasgow pub once declared: 'My son's taking a course in engraving. I asked him after the first day if he had learned much, but he said they had hardly scratched the surface.' A joke degree A proud reader once got in touch to tell the Diary: 'My son has managed to get into clown college on a fool scholarship.'
BBC News
16-05-2025
- BBC News
Sentencing of Lincoln paedophile, 82, delayed after fall
The sentencing of a pensioner who could die behind bars after abusing children has been delayed after he was taken to Hall, 82, had been told he faced a prison sentence in "double digits" after admitting offences against three was due to be sentenced at Lincoln Crown Court earlier, but was detained in hospital following a fall on of St Andrew's Gardens, Lincoln, pleaded guilty to nine offences, including rape and sexual assault, when he appeared at Lincoln Crown Court on 10 April. His offending covered a period of 40 Soubry, defending, said Hall was under no illusion about the long jail sentence he faced but told the court he was likely to remain in hospital for "two or three days."At a previous hearing, she said Hall knew that "at his age there is every chance he will never be released from prison".Recorder John Hardy KC admitted the adjournment would cause great anxiety and sadness to his victims, who had attended court to see him said Hall needed to be present and agreed to adjourn sentencing until 19 June. Listen to highlights from Lincolnshire on BBC Sounds, watch the latest episode of Look North or tell us about a story you think we should be covering here.
