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Yahoo
21-05-2025
- Sport
- Yahoo
An 11-year-old played softball too well—and what the adults did next will infuriate parents everywhere
Oregon mom Tracy Burchfield never expected to watch her 11-year-old daughter be publicly challenged for simply playing well. Brinley Stephens had just stepped up to bat at a youth softball game and hit a clean line drive when two adult male coaches from the opposing team stormed the field. One shouted, 'I want to see birth certificates or this game's done!' Brinley, a fifth grader who stands 5'10' and plays for the Astoria Future Fish, had already gone through standard age verification. Her height wasn't suspicious; it was simply tall. Still, the coaches saw her athleticism as cause for confrontation. She was left in tears. Her mom watched, horrified. 'There's these two adults confronting her,' Burchfield told ABC News. 'Thank God that our coach was there to step in between.' Instead of being celebrated for her strength, she was punished for it. What happened at that softball game is, sadly, a familiar story for many mothers. When girls excel, they're often questioned instead of encouraged. The incident wasn't isolated. 'We are still investigating the incident … The player did nothing wrong as she is just tall … and skilled for her age,' said Benjie Hedgecock, the executive director of North American Fastpitch. One coach received a full-season suspension. The other got 10 days and probation. Parents in the stands also reported obscene gestures from the coaches after the game. As the mom of tall kids, I know it can be surprising to hear that they're 'just tall' and the same age as your kids. But girls face cultural stigmas for being 'too strong,' 'too loud,' and 'too good. We know there's a deeper issue at play. Related: 10 important phrases parents can use to empower their daughters Don't stand out. Don't be too loud. Don't be too strong. Don't outshine the boys. Even in 2025, it's still happening—on ballfields, in classrooms, and in everyday parenting moments. How many moms of tall girls have heard, 'Wow, she looks older,' like that justifies treating them differently? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, around 70% of kids quit organized sports by age 13. A top reason? Adults who make the experience too intense. From yelling in the stands to excessive pressure to moments like Brinley's—where a girl gets singled out not for bad behavior but for being too good. As moms, we've been here before. We've seen how quickly strength in our daughters gets mistaken for threat. In school, they're told to sit down and be quiet. On the field, they're questioned for standing out. And when they speak up, they're labeled dramatic, bossy, or out of line. This behavior sends a clear message: excellence has limits, and they're tighter for girls. Related: Super Bowl ad calls out how body shaming pushes girls out of sports Raising confident girls in this culture requires strategy and solidarity. If something like this happens to your daughter—or any kid—here's what experts recommend: Model calm, assertive advocacy. If an adult crosses a line, step in. Your composure teaches your child how to handle conflict and see that their worth is non-negotiable. Debrief privately. Let your child vent without jumping straight to fixes. Acknowledge the hurt and remind them that their value isn't up for debate. Keep receipts. Have documentation ready (like registration forms or rosters) so that in heated moments, facts can speak louder than bias. Affirm their power. Tell your daughter: 'Being strong makes some people uncomfortable. That's their work, not yours.' These small moments of support help build long-term confidence—even when the world tells her otherwise. Related: How to raise girls who lead Brinley's height and skill should have been celebrated. Instead, they became grounds for suspicion. Her story points to a broader pattern where girls who defy expectations are often treated as problems. We see it in classrooms when assertive girls are labeled as disruptive. We see it in media coverage of female athletes who are scrutinized more for their looks than their performance. And we see it in everyday parenting moments—when people tell moms of tall girls, 'Wow, she looks older,' as if that justifies treating them differently. It starts young. And it sticks. Youth sports are meant to be character-building. But character doesn't grow in a culture of adult ego, gender bias, and public shaming. It grows when kids feel safe to try, to fail, and to succeed without fear of being torn down. Brinley didn't do anything wrong. She played her game. The adults failed her. Let's do better. Because the next time your daughter steps onto the field, court, or classroom, she should know—without question—that she belongs there. Related: How to Get Girls to Raise Their Hands
19-05-2025
- Sport
Mom speaks out after coaches say 11-year-old daughter is too old to compete
An Oregon mom is speaking out after two softball coaches were caught on camera questioning her 11-year-old daughter's age and height in an on-field incident that left the girl in tears. The coaches accused the child of being too old to compete mid-game and in front of an audience in the stands. "I want to see birth certificates or this game's done!" one coach said. Tracy Burchfield said the incident, which involved her daughter Brinley Stephens, was hard to watch. "I was holding back my tears because I was like, 'Oh my gosh, she's out there by herself. There's these two adults confronting her.' Thank God that our coach was there to step in between," Burchfield recalled. Brinley Stephens is an 11-year-old softball player and fifth-grader. Brinley stands nearly 5 feet, 10 inches tall, and she and fellow players in the league had proven their ages previously before they joined the team. But during a May 11 game, Brinley had just hit a line drive for her team, the Astoria Future Fish, before the opposing team's coaches stormed the field and began questioning her. "It was like, scary, like, him coming at me," Brinley recalled. "And I was just looking at him like, 'What the heck was going on?'" Brinley's family said she is used to comments about her height, but this experience was unlike any other. Following the verbal exchange, Burchfield claimed the opposing team's coaches continued making obscene gestures towards parents when the game ended. "We were upset, but we took it to the association and hoping that they do better and reprimand and hold him accountable for his actions," Burchfield said. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, about 70% of children quit playing organized sports by the age of 13, often due to pressure from adults who they say stop making games fun to play. Brian Barlow is the creator of Offside, a Facebook page that calls out bad behavior among adults at youth sports games. "We're not making room for our kids to be successful. We're not making room for our kids to understand that it's OK sometimes to lose, and in fact, sometimes when you lose, there's a victory in the loss," Barlow said. Since the on-field incident, one assistant coach has been suspended for the year while another was suspended for 10 days with probation for the year. Tournament organizers told ABC News they are looking into the incident. "We are still investigating the incident … The player did nothing wrong as she is just tall … and skilled for her age," Benjie Hedgecock, the executive director of North American Fastpitch said. Meanwhile, Burchfield said she has heard from other parents with kids in similar situations and who have thanked her for sticking up for her child and speaking out. Burchfield said she hopes the incident can serve as a lesson to show more kindness. "It doesn't take much to hurt a kid that much and make them just stop believing in themselves. These kids deserve better. We as adults need to do better," Burchfield said.
