Latest news with #BarIlanUniversity
CTV News
5 days ago
- CTV News
How 2,300-year-old gold rings bring an ancient chapter of Jerusalem's history to life
Researchers found a tiny gold ring, embedded with what's believed to be a garnet, during recent excavations in Jerusalem. (Eliyahu Yanai/City of David via CNN Newsource) Archeologists in Jerusalem say they have discovered a roughly 2,300-year-old gold ring with a red gemstone that's remarkably similar to another piece of jewelry found less than a year ago. The two rings, small enough to fit a child, were artifacts unearthed at the City of David site in the Jerusalem Walls National Park. The team analyzing the pieces believes the rings may be connected to coming-of-age ritual by young women before marriage, suggesting the items were buried intentionally. Researchers said the rings, along with bronze earrings, a gold earring resembling a horned animal and a decorated gold bead, likely come from the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem. The Hellenistic era, associated with the spread of Greek culture and influence, lasted from 332 to 141 BC in the city. Remarking on the novelty of finding so much gold jewelry from this period in Jerusalem, Efrat Bocher, an excavation manager from Bar-Ilan University and the Center for the Study of Ancient Jerusalem, said in a May 21 statement that '(t)his displayed wealth is very rare in any archeological layer, and it attests to the wealth of Jerusalem and the high standard of living of the city's residents during this period.' Gold jewelry A gold earring and a gold bead previously uncovered at the site appear to originate from the same period. (Clara Amit/Israel Antiquities Authority via CNN Newsource) Recovered from the foundations of a large building, both objects were in a layer of dirt dated to the late third century or early second century BC, according to excavation managers Dr. Yiftah Shalev, an archeologist at the Israel Antiquities Authority, and Yuval Gadot, head of the Sonia & Marco Nadler Institute of Archaeology and professor of archeology at Tel Aviv University. The discoveries are shedding light on a chapter of Jerusalem's history known primarily from ancient texts, as only a sparse archeological record existed — until now, Gadot said. Twin rings signal a transition The newfound gold ring, set with what appears to be a garnet, was in such excellent condition that excavators first thought it was a modern piece of jewelry dropped by a team member. But Rivka Lengler, one of the first excavators to examine the artifact, recognized its ancient design and called over the rest of the team. Rings The discovery of the gold ring (left), thought to be from the Early Hellenistic Period, occurred less than a year after archaeologists found a similar ring (right) at the City of David site. (Yiftah Shalev/Israel Antiquities Authority via CNN Newsource) 'When I held this ring in my hand, I felt that I could actually touch and connect with the people who lived here thousands of years ago,' Lengler said in a statement. The ring uncovered at the site less than a year ago is also set with a red precious gem and lacks signs of age. 'I was sifting earth through the screen and suddenly saw something glitter,' said Tehiya Gangate, an excavation team member, in a release in 2024. 'I immediately yelled, 'I found a ring, I found a ring!' Within seconds everyone gathered around me, and there was great excitement. This is an emotionally moving find, not the kind you find every day.' Both rings would fit on a woman's pinkie finger at most, but more likely on a girl's finger, the researchers said. Dr. Marion Zindel, an archeologist with the Israel Antiquities Authority, analyzed the rings and believes artisans made them by hammering thin gold leaf onto metal ring bases. Excavators recovered all the jewelry at the site from beneath the building's floors, suggesting the pieces were placed there on purpose, Zindel said. One hypothesis is that the jewelry was used in 'a well-known Hellenistic period custom in which betrothed women would bury jewelry and other childhood objects in the house foundations as a symbol of the transition from childhood to adulthood,' Zindel said in a statement. Associated with the Early Hellenistic Period, the trend of combining colorful gems with gold was influenced by Indian and Persian fashion and brought to the region by Alexander the Great's eastern conquests, which opened trade channels transporting luxury goods between various regions, according to the researchers. Hallmarks of wealth Pieces of jewelry and other finds indicate that the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem was a time associated with wealth and urban planning, but the extent of its residents' prosperity and affluence wasn't previously known, Bocher said. Excavations in the Givati parking lot, located on the western slope of the City of David hill, have been ongoing for years, she said in a YouTube video sharing the discovery. The excavations have been jointly conducted by the Israel Antiquities Authority and Tel Aviv University. Givati parking lot Excavations of the Givati parking lot in the City of David, where the ring was found, are ongoing. (Maor Ganot/City of David via CNN Newsource) The team is eager to gain a better understanding of Jerusalem between the first and ninth centuries BC — a period that has been missing from the archeological record so far — and the city's long, diverse heritage, Gadot said. The items show that the city's inhabitants were open to adopting Hellenistic cultural trends, lifestyle and architecture — which differs from traditional interpretations from ancient texts about Jerusalem. Experts previously believed the city was culturally isolated, rejecting outside influences, based on mentions in ancient texts, Gadot said. But the jewelry, and the customs associated with its burial, changes that assumption, Gadot added. Researchers now have a new way of understanding how the region was changing at the time. With few structures and artifacts from the era, it was easy to assume that Jerusalem was a small town. But the discoveries so far have uncovered an entire neighborhood including domestic and administrative buildings that extended westward from the City of David hilltop, where a Jewish temple once sat, Gadot said. In addition to analyzing the jewelry, the team will also study animal bones, coins and pottery recovered from the site to learn more about interregional connections, the origin of imported goods and even the culinary habits in Jerusalem at the time. The bones could reveal whether inhabitants practiced Kashrut regulations, or kosher Jewish dietary laws, which govern what animals could be consumed, and how they should be prepared and handled. 'We are only now beginning to explore the story of 4th-2nd century BCE Jerusalem,' Gadot said in an email. 'With the Temple at one end and the Hellenic cultural presence at the other end, we want to understand the position of the people living in Jerusalem.' Written by Ashley Strickland, CNN
CTV News
5 days ago
- Science
- CTV News
How 2,300-year-old gold rings bring an ancient chapter of Jerusalem's history to life
Researchers found a tiny gold ring, embedded with what's believed to be a garnet, during recent excavations in Jerusalem. (Eliyahu Yanai/City of David via CNN Newsource) Archeologists in Jerusalem say they have discovered a roughly 2,300-year-old gold ring with a red gemstone that's remarkably similar to another piece of jewelry found less than a year ago. The two rings, small enough to fit a child, were artifacts unearthed at the City of David site in the Jerusalem Walls National Park. The team analyzing the pieces believes the rings may be connected to coming-of-age ritual by young women before marriage, suggesting the items were buried intentionally. Researchers said the rings, along with bronze earrings, a gold earring resembling a horned animal and a decorated gold bead, likely come from the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem. The Hellenistic era, associated with the spread of Greek culture and influence, lasted from 332 to 141 BC in the city. Remarking on the novelty of finding so much gold jewelry from this period in Jerusalem, Efrat Bocher, an excavation manager from Bar-Ilan University and the Center for the Study of Ancient Jerusalem, said in a May 21 statement that '(t)his displayed wealth is very rare in any archeological layer, and it attests to the wealth of Jerusalem and the high standard of living of the city's residents during this period.' Gold jewelry A gold earring and a gold bead previously uncovered at the site appear to originate from the same period. (Clara Amit/Israel Antiquities Authority via CNN Newsource) Recovered from the foundations of a large building, both objects were in a layer of dirt dated to the late third century or early second century BC, according to excavation managers Dr. Yiftah Shalev, an archeologist at the Israel Antiquities Authority, and Yuval Gadot, head of the Sonia & Marco Nadler Institute of Archaeology and professor of archeology at Tel Aviv University. The discoveries are shedding light on a chapter of Jerusalem's history known primarily from ancient texts, as only a sparse archeological record existed — until now, Gadot said. Twin rings signal a transition The newfound gold ring, set with what appears to be a garnet, was in such excellent condition that excavators first thought it was a modern piece of jewelry dropped by a team member. But Rivka Lengler, one of the first excavators to examine the artifact, recognized its ancient design and called over the rest of the team. Rings The discovery of the gold ring (left), thought to be from the Early Hellenistic Period, occurred less than a year after archaeologists found a similar ring (right) at the City of David site. (Yiftah Shalev/Israel Antiquities Authority via CNN Newsource) 'When I held this ring in my hand, I felt that I could actually touch and connect with the people who lived here thousands of years ago,' Lengler said in a statement. The ring uncovered at the site less than a year ago is also set with a red precious gem and lacks signs of age. 'I was sifting earth through the screen and suddenly saw something glitter,' said Tehiya Gangate, an excavation team member, in a release in 2024. 'I immediately yelled, 'I found a ring, I found a ring!' Within seconds everyone gathered around me, and there was great excitement. This is an emotionally moving find, not the kind you find every day.' Both rings would fit on a woman's pinkie finger at most, but more likely on a girl's finger, the researchers said. Dr. Marion Zindel, an archeologist with the Israel Antiquities Authority, analyzed the rings and believes artisans made them by hammering thin gold leaf onto metal ring bases. Excavators recovered all the jewelry at the site from beneath the building's floors, suggesting the pieces were placed there on purpose, Zindel said. One hypothesis is that the jewelry was used in 'a well-known Hellenistic period custom in which betrothed women would bury jewelry and other childhood objects in the house foundations as a symbol of the transition from childhood to adulthood,' Zindel said in a statement. Associated with the Early Hellenistic Period, the trend of combining colorful gems with gold was influenced by Indian and Persian fashion and brought to the region by Alexander the Great's eastern conquests, which opened trade channels transporting luxury goods between various regions, according to the researchers. Hallmarks of wealth Pieces of jewelry and other finds indicate that the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem was a time associated with wealth and urban planning, but the extent of its residents' prosperity and affluence wasn't previously known, Bocher said. Excavations in the Givati parking lot, located on the western slope of the City of David hill, have been ongoing for years, she said in a YouTube video sharing the discovery. The excavations have been jointly conducted by the Israel Antiquities Authority and Tel Aviv University. Givati parking lot Excavations of the Givati parking lot in the City of David, where the ring was found, are ongoing. (Maor Ganot/City of David via CNN Newsource) The team is eager to gain a better understanding of Jerusalem between the first and ninth centuries BC — a period that has been missing from the archeological record so far — and the city's long, diverse heritage, Gadot said. The items show that the city's inhabitants were open to adopting Hellenistic cultural trends, lifestyle and architecture — which differs from traditional interpretations from ancient texts about Jerusalem. Experts previously believed the city was culturally isolated, rejecting outside influences, based on mentions in ancient texts, Gadot said. But the jewelry, and the customs associated with its burial, changes that assumption, Gadot added. Researchers now have a new way of understanding how the region was changing at the time. With few structures and artifacts from the era, it was easy to assume that Jerusalem was a small town. But the discoveries so far have uncovered an entire neighborhood including domestic and administrative buildings that extended westward from the City of David hilltop, where a Jewish temple once sat, Gadot said. In addition to analyzing the jewelry, the team will also study animal bones, coins and pottery recovered from the site to learn more about interregional connections, the origin of imported goods and even the culinary habits in Jerusalem at the time. The bones could reveal whether inhabitants practiced Kashrut regulations, or kosher Jewish dietary laws, which govern what animals could be consumed, and how they should be prepared and handled. 'We are only now beginning to explore the story of 4th-2nd century BCE Jerusalem,' Gadot said in an email. 'With the Temple at one end and the Hellenic cultural presence at the other end, we want to understand the position of the people living in Jerusalem.' Written by Ashley Strickland, CNN
CNN
5 days ago
- CNN
Gold rings set with garnets look modern but were likely part of a coming-of-age custom 2,300 years ago
Archaeologists in Jerusalem say they have discovered a roughly 2,300-year-old gold ring with a red gemstone that's remarkably similar to another piece of jewelry found less than a year ago. The two rings, small enough to fit a child, were artifacts unearthed at the City of David site in the Jerusalem Walls National Park. The team analyzing the pieces believes the rings may be connected to coming-of-age ritual by young women before marriage, suggesting the items were buried intentionally. Researchers said the rings, along with bronze earrings, a gold earring resembling a horned animal and a decorated gold bead, likely come from the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem. The Hellenistic era, associated with the spread of Greek culture and influence, lasted from 332 to 141 BC in the city. Remarking on the novelty of finding so much gold jewelry from this period in Jerusalem, Efrat Bocher, an excavation manager from Bar-Ilan University and the Center for the Study of Ancient Jerusalem, said in a May 21 statement that '(t)his displayed wealth is very rare in any archaeological layer, and it attests to the wealth of Jerusalem and the high standard of living of the city's residents during this period.' Recovered from the foundations of a large building, both objects were in a layer of dirt dated to the late third century or early second century BC, according to excavation managers Dr. Yiftah Shalev, an archaeologist at the Israel Antiquities Authority, and Yuval Gadot, head of the Sonia & Marco Nadler Institute of Archaeology and professor of archaeology at Tel Aviv University. The discoveries are shedding light on a chapter of Jerusalem's history known primarily from ancient texts, as only a sparse archaeological record existed — until now, Gadot said. The newfound gold ring, set with what appears to be a garnet, was in such excellent condition that excavators first thought it was a modern piece of jewelry dropped by a team member. But Rivka Lengler, one of the first excavators to examine the artifact, recognized its ancient design and called over the rest of the team. 'When I held this ring in my hand, I felt that I could actually touch and connect with the people who lived here thousands of years ago,' Lengler said in a statement. The ring uncovered at the site less than a year ago is also set with a red precious gem and lacks signs of age. 'I was sifting earth through the screen and suddenly saw something glitter,' said Tehiya Gangate, an excavation team member, in a release in 2024. 'I immediately yelled, 'I found a ring, I found a ring!' Within seconds everyone gathered around me, and there was great excitement. This is an emotionally moving find, not the kind you find every day.' Both rings would fit on a woman's pinkie finger at most, but more likely on a girl's finger, the researchers said. Dr. Marion Zindel, an archaeologist with the Israel Antiquities Authority, analyzed the rings and believes artisans made them by hammering thin gold leaf onto metal ring bases. Excavators recovered all the jewelry at the site from beneath the building's floors, suggesting the pieces were placed there on purpose, Zindel said. One hypothesis is that the jewelry was used in 'a well-known Hellenistic period custom in which betrothed women would bury jewelry and other childhood objects in the house foundations as a symbol of the transition from childhood to adulthood,' Zindel said in a statement. Associated with the Early Hellenistic Period, the trend of combining colorful gems with gold was influenced by Indian and Persian fashion and brought to the region by Alexander the Great's eastern conquests, which opened trade channels transporting luxury goods between various regions, according to the researchers. Pieces of jewelry and other finds indicate that the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem was a time associated with wealth and urban planning, but the extent of its residents' prosperity and affluence wasn't previously known, Bocher said. Excavations in the Givati parking lot, located on the western slope of the City of David hill, have been ongoing for years, she said in a YouTube video sharing the discovery. The excavations have been jointly conducted by the Israel Antiquities Authority and Tel Aviv University. The team is eager to gain a better understanding of Jerusalem between the first and ninth centuries BC — a period that has been missing from the archaeological record so far — and the city's long, diverse heritage, Gadot said. The items show that the city's inhabitants were open to adopting Hellenistic cultural trends, lifestyle and architecture — which differs from traditional interpretations from ancient texts about Jerusalem. Experts previously believed the city was culturally isolated, rejecting outside influences, based on mentions in ancient texts, Gadot said. But the jewelry, and the customs associated with its burial, changes that assumption, Gadot added. Researchers now have a new way of understanding how the region was changing at the time. With few structures and artifacts from the era, it was easy to assume that Jerusalem was a small town. But the discoveries so far have uncovered an entire neighborhood including domestic and administrative buildings that extended westward from the City of David hilltop, where a Jewish temple once sat, Gadot said. In addition to analyzing the jewelry, the team will also study animal bones, coins and pottery recovered from the site to learn more about interregional connections, the origin of imported goods and even the culinary habits in Jerusalem at the time. The bones could reveal whether inhabitants practiced Kashrut regulations, or kosher Jewish dietary laws, which govern what animals could be consumed, and how they should be prepared and handled. 'We are only now beginning to explore the story of 4th-2nd century BCE Jerusalem,' Gadot said in an email. 'With the Temple at one end and the Hellenic cultural presence at the other end, we want to understand the position of the people living in Jerusalem.'
CNN
5 days ago
- CNN
Gold rings set with garnets look modern but were likely part of a coming-of-age custom 2,300 years ago
Archaeologists in Jerusalem say they have discovered a roughly 2,300-year-old gold ring with a red gemstone that's remarkably similar to another piece of jewelry found less than a year ago. The two rings, small enough to fit a child, were artifacts unearthed at the City of David site in the Jerusalem Walls National Park. The team analyzing the pieces believes the rings may be connected to coming-of-age ritual by young women before marriage, suggesting the items were buried intentionally. Researchers said the rings, along with bronze earrings, a gold earring resembling a horned animal and a decorated gold bead, likely come from the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem. The Hellenistic era, associated with the spread of Greek culture and influence, lasted from 332 to 141 BC in the city. Remarking on the novelty of finding so much gold jewelry from this period in Jerusalem, Efrat Bocher, an excavation manager from Bar-Ilan University and the Center for the Study of Ancient Jerusalem, said in a May 21 statement that '(t)his displayed wealth is very rare in any archaeological layer, and it attests to the wealth of Jerusalem and the high standard of living of the city's residents during this period.' Recovered from the foundations of a large building, both objects were in a layer of dirt dated to the late third century or early second century BC, according to excavation managers Dr. Yiftah Shalev, an archaeologist at the Israel Antiquities Authority, and Yuval Gadot, head of the Sonia & Marco Nadler Institute of Archaeology and professor of archaeology at Tel Aviv University. The discoveries are shedding light on a chapter of Jerusalem's history known primarily from ancient texts, as only a sparse archaeological record existed — until now, Gadot said. The newfound gold ring, set with what appears to be a garnet, was in such excellent condition that excavators first thought it was a modern piece of jewelry dropped by a team member. But Rivka Lengler, one of the first excavators to examine the artifact, recognized its ancient design and called over the rest of the team. 'When I held this ring in my hand, I felt that I could actually touch and connect with the people who lived here thousands of years ago,' Lengler said in a statement. The ring uncovered at the site less than a year ago is also set with a red precious gem and lacks signs of age. 'I was sifting earth through the screen and suddenly saw something glitter,' said Tehiya Gangate, an excavation team member, in a release in 2024. 'I immediately yelled, 'I found a ring, I found a ring!' Within seconds everyone gathered around me, and there was great excitement. This is an emotionally moving find, not the kind you find every day.' Both rings would fit on a woman's pinkie finger at most, but more likely on a girl's finger, the researchers said. Dr. Marion Zindel, an archaeologist with the Israel Antiquities Authority, analyzed the rings and believes artisans made them by hammering thin gold leaf onto metal ring bases. Excavators recovered all the jewelry at the site from beneath the building's floors, suggesting the pieces were placed there on purpose, Zindel said. One hypothesis is that the jewelry was used in 'a well-known Hellenistic period custom in which betrothed women would bury jewelry and other childhood objects in the house foundations as a symbol of the transition from childhood to adulthood,' Zindel said in a statement. Associated with the Early Hellenistic Period, the trend of combining colorful gems with gold was influenced by Indian and Persian fashion and brought to the region by Alexander the Great's eastern conquests, which opened trade channels transporting luxury goods between various regions, according to the researchers. Pieces of jewelry and other finds indicate that the Early Hellenistic Period in Jerusalem was a time associated with wealth and urban planning, but the extent of its residents' prosperity and affluence wasn't previously known, Bocher said. Excavations in the Givati parking lot, located on the western slope of the City of David hill, have been ongoing for years, she said in a YouTube video sharing the discovery. The excavations have been jointly conducted by the Israel Antiquities Authority and Tel Aviv University. The team is eager to gain a better understanding of Jerusalem between the first and ninth centuries BC — a period that has been missing from the archaeological record so far — and the city's long, diverse heritage, Gadot said. The items show that the city's inhabitants were open to adopting Hellenistic cultural trends, lifestyle and architecture — which differs from traditional interpretations from ancient texts about Jerusalem. Experts previously believed the city was culturally isolated, rejecting outside influences, based on mentions in ancient texts, Gadot said. But the jewelry, and the customs associated with its burial, changes that assumption, Gadot added. Researchers now have a new way of understanding how the region was changing at the time. With few structures and artifacts from the era, it was easy to assume that Jerusalem was a small town. But the discoveries so far have uncovered an entire neighborhood including domestic and administrative buildings that extended westward from the City of David hilltop, where a Jewish temple once sat, Gadot said. In addition to analyzing the jewelry, the team will also study animal bones, coins and pottery recovered from the site to learn more about interregional connections, the origin of imported goods and even the culinary habits in Jerusalem at the time. The bones could reveal whether inhabitants practiced Kashrut regulations, or kosher Jewish dietary laws, which govern what animals could be consumed, and how they should be prepared and handled. 'We are only now beginning to explore the story of 4th-2nd century BCE Jerusalem,' Gadot said in an email. 'With the Temple at one end and the Hellenic cultural presence at the other end, we want to understand the position of the people living in Jerusalem.'
Telegraph
25-05-2025
- Health
- Telegraph
The professor who believes she's found the secret to sexual attraction in long-term relationships
Gurit Birnbaum loves sex. So fascinated is she by everything to do with human sexuality that she got a PhD in the subject, from Bar-Ilan University in Israel, nearly 30 years ago. Now she is professor of psychology at Reichman University, and a world-leading expert on sexual behaviour. 'When I was getting my PhD, in my early 20s, I was discovering the joys of sex,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'In the course of my research I found that sex can be a source of joy and excitement for some people, like me, but a source of agony and even boredom for others. I was quite shocked to find that not everyone enjoys sex as much as I do.' The differences are often most stark inside of long-term relationships, Prof Birnbaum has found. Some couples feel just as attracted to each other decades down the line as they did in the first days of their courtship, and have just as much sex, too, her research has found. For most however, desire declines over time, and frequency of sex with it. Women are especially likely to lose sexual attraction to their partners over the years. 'Humans make sex so complicated,' Prof Birnbaum says, but it's actually pretty straightforward. Sex 'plays an important part in how we form relationships with potential partners, and in holding those relationships together,' she explains. Although 'for some people, sex is not related to how they function within the relationship,' for the majority of us, 'the health of a couple's sex life reflects the health of their relationship as a whole'. The good news is that our sex lives are not unchangeable, even after years of dissatisfaction. In fact, they can be improved easily, Prof Birnbaum says. Here is what she knows about why desire wanes in long-term relationships, and how to keep enjoying sex well into old age – without having an affair. We risk breaking up when boredom sets in Most couples look back fondly on their first months or years together, remembering it as a time when feelings were strong and desire for each other was high. 'When you meet someone new that you want to have sex with, it often feels like a visceral, animal reaction,' she says. Those feelings serve an important evolutionary purpose: 'It's actually a cue that indicates to you at the gut level that this person might be a potential good match for you as a partner, and leads you to find out whether that person might be compatible with you, in that you have similar in hobbies or interests,' Prof Birnbaum explains. Over time, as we get used to our partners, we don't feel the same desperate need to have sex with them. On the one hand, this allows for a more intimate, stable connection to develop between two people. But at the same time, familiarity makes our partners seem less desirable, a change happens in almost all relationships. The honeymoon phase is a very real phenomenon: on average, those naturally high feelings of desire last for a year to two and a half years, Prof Birnbaum's research reveals, after which maintaining a vibrant sex life is much harder. Yet sex 'preserves connections that are emotionally satisfying,' and a lack thereof 'leaves the ones that don't meet our needs vulnerable to a breakup', says Prof Birnbaum. So finding a remedy can be crucial. 'Novelty is crucial to instigating sexual desire,' says Prof Birnbaum, 'and that doesn't have to mean sex toys and roleplay. Foreplay in this sense starts outside the bedroom.' Going on dates and making time for each other only becomes more crucial as a relationship ages. 'Doing things together means that you keep getting to know your partner and see them in different lights. Talk about new topics with each other, do new and exciting things together, learn new things together, try to observe your partner under different circumstances and in the different roles they take on throughout their lives, that you don't typically see. You will likely discover that your partner isn't this boring person you've already learnt everything about after all, and that there's still more you can learn about them and be excited about.' It's vital to also have your own life. 'It's important to have friends of your own and hobbies of your own so that you don't feel fully enmeshed. Often this helps to boost desire as it maintains the distinction between you and your partner, meaning that they remain someone you want to chase after.' Not all desire is the same At the beginning of a relationship, we typically experience 'spontaneous' desire, Prof Birnbaum says – the sort that 'drives the feeling that you can't get your hands off of each other'. But later on in relationships, 'responsive' desire takes over. 'This means that you have to be committed to the process, accept sexual advances from your partner or initiate sex before you're aroused in the way that you used to be, and really pay attention to what's working to get you or your partner in the mood. In this way, you may feel desire for your partner, get into the mood, and enjoy the sexual interaction, even if you were not there in the first place.' Key here is a couple's willingness to foster responsive desire for each other, rather than hoping to bring back the exact same drive from their early relationship. This plays a key part in Prof Birnbaum's 'relationship development model' of sexual desire. 'It's not only a lack of desire itself, but also an apathy to the situation and a reluctance to do the work and meet each others' needs that leads to relationship breakdown,' she explains. The couples who manage to keep their sex lives thriving for decades are the ones who 'respond to each other's needs, sexually and outside of the bedroom too,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'They're more attuned to what the other needs, and even if one of them doesn't want to have sex, they find a way to navigate the discomfort and find other ways to address the needs that sex can meet – for closeness, intimacy and physical touch.' Prof Birnbaum recommends that couples start trying to initiate this kind of desire an hour before they'd like to have sex: 'People like to feel courted because it makes them feel wanted.' Affairs are contagious If you've ever suspected that infidelity can catch, based on the behaviour of people in your own social groups, then you're right, at least according to Prof Birnbaum. 'Social behaviours can be contagious,' she says. 'It all depends on what's seen as normal within your social groups. If you see one of your friends cheat on their partner, then you're more likely to think that it's acceptable and not that bad, and to behave that way yourself.' We're all vulnerable to this, says Prof Birnbaum, but some more than others. 'Being intoxicated is one example of what makes someone more likely to cheat, but we are also much less likely to resist temptation if we aren't getting enough emotional resources from within our relationships,' she explains. 'People may cheat on their partners even if they are happy with them, however. It's the balance between the magnitude of temptations, whether you are too depleted to control your urges, and the circumstances that will determine how you will resolve the conflict between desire for others – which we all have – and the wish to maintain your current relationship.' 'When you meet someone new that you're attracted to, there's an internal conflict between maintaining the relationship and coping with the temptation,' she says. 'Personal differences like high levels of narcissistic traits, or feeling insecure, can impact whether cheating happens, as well as how valuable your relationship is to you.' Building a relationship that's invulnerable to infidelity is very difficult. But often, 'people just don't consider the negative consequences of their actions when they're in the midst of a strong attraction,' says Prof Birnbaum. 'In one of our studies, we asked people to take their partner's perspective when faced with advances from an attractive person, and we found that doing so made them less likely to cooperate with the flirtatious interaction, because their partner and the potential impact on them was on their mind, and they could empathise with the pain that their partner might potentially feel.' Women and men are different Women are much more likely than men to lose desire for sex altogether. Hormonal changes around the menopause can influence this, but there's more to it than that, Prof Birnbaum says. 'Women tend to be more attuned to their partner's behaviour, both positive and negative, so the relational context is likely to affect them more strongly when it comes to whether or not they want sex and whether they enjoy it,' she says. In the worst cases, where a couple are consistently in conflict, this can cause women to 'shut their sexual systems down entirely,' says Prof Birnbaum. 'When a woman's partner behaves destructively and is frequently critical, she will be likely to express that by backing away from her partner sexually, consciously or unconsciously. If her partner doesn't satisfy her emotional needs, or she feels that they aren't invested enough, then they'll just shut their sexual system.' This is also true when there's a perceived power imbalance, a belief that one person has more power than the other: 'it's a way of asserting yourself and taking back some control,' says Prof Birnbaum, and again it's not always conscious. Then there's the fact that 'many women feel that they get more work in terms of raising the kids and doing chores, on top of working, so naturally they're too exhausted for sex'. The remedy for this – aside from addressing the root causes – is improving your 'sexual communal strength', as Prof Birnbaum calls it. This is shorthand for 'the motivation you have to meet your partner's sexual needs, while still valuing your own needs, and seeing that this is reciprocated by your partner'. Research suggests that couples who have high sexual communal strength are happier in their relationships overall, regardless of how much sex they have, 'because they engaged in sex for positive, relationship-oriented reasons like fostering intimacy and connection'. This helps to improve the overall relationship 'climate', says Prof Birnbaum. It's also crucial not to say things to your partner that you can't take back. 'Even in the midst of a heated argument, you have to choose your words carefully and not say things that are going to hurt your partner and stay in their head for months,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'Women especially can find that this makes them very averse to sex.'
