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11 Boundaries Every Woman Should Set by 40, According to Therapists
11 Boundaries Every Woman Should Set by 40, According to Therapists originally appeared on Parade.
There's a quiet beauty in growing older. As each year passes, you come more into your own. With that, you might ask yourself what your dream life truly looks like—not the one someone else imagined for you, but the one that you see for yourself. To help you achieve that, you'll start to realize that it requires a bit of structure, intention and protection on your end that you have to put into place to turn what you've been imagining into a reality. That's why we put together a list of 11 boundaries every woman should set by 40, according to therapists Rebecca Kase, owner of Trama Therapy, and Becca Jacobs of The NYC Therapy Center, share their expert insight into the boundaries that help women protect their peace, honor their growth and create space for the life they truly want. They break down not just what boundaries you should set, but they also share why they matter at this stage of life. From relationships to work to self-worth, their advice is a roadmap you can follow to help you live with more clarity, confidence, and you go through the list, see how many of the boundaries you've already implemented. You might find that you're doing better than you thought—or maybe you'll notice a few areas where you could use a little more support. Once you've got a sense of where you're at, think about how you can start working the rest of their suggestions into your worry about adding them all at once—even small changes can make a big difference. Whether it's saying 'no' more often, standing up for your needs, or just making time for yourself without feeling guilty, these boundaries are worth building. Trust us, you'll start noticing a difference and wish you had started
'Time is your most valuable and most limited resource, so by your 40s, you've likely spent years overcommitting, people-pleasing and filling your calendar with obligations that didn't serve you,' Kase says. 'However, that stops now. Every hour you give away should offer some kind of return on investment—whether it's joy, rest, love, connection, opportunity or income."She tells Parade that's why women in their 40s should start saying "no" to things that don't align with their values."You should set a time cap with the friend you like in small doses, skip the party you're dreading, and if someone has a problem with your boundary? Let them," she stresses. "This is your life. So, spend it where it matters to you.'Related:
'Sometimes, it can be healthier to take a step back from relationships where repair is not present. It's in that distance where we can actually protect aspects of the relationship instead of feeling continuously hurt that someone can't show up for us in the way that we need,' Jacobs points adds, 'At this stage in your life, you're clear about who you are and what you want. You want relationships that are rooted in reciprocity not rescue missions and stress, which is why relationship boundaries need to be set.'
'Women may spend years internalizing messages that they're not good enough, not doing enough or not worthy enough,' Jacobs says. 'When you add shame to those messages, you create a cycle where you're constantly disappointed in yourself. However, setting this boundary allows space to distance yourself from shame. When you then meet yourself in curiosity instead of shame, you create space for healing in safety instead of punishment.'Related:
'By 40, you've worked too hard to not have a plan,' Kase tells Parade. 'Managing your money means stepping into your power. It's not just about wealth—it's about self-respect and security, so if you haven't been managing or investing your money, now's the time. Wealth isn't built overnight; it's built over decades. Every dollar you save or invest today is a gift to your future self. Even $100 invested now can grow into thousands by retirement. That's why having financial boundaries where you track your spending, create a plan and work with a financial advisor if needed should be a goal. No woman should feel trapped in a job, relationship or life she's outgrown because she can't afford to walk away.'Related:
'You are not the emotional air traffic controller for everyone in your life. If you've likely built a reputation as the go-to person—the one who fixes, soothes, carries and over-functions, that comes at a cost: your own peace,' Kase experts say it doesn't have to be that way though and setting a boundary can help protect your mental health bandwidth.'By your 40s, it's time to stop managing other people's feelings and problems at the expense of your energy, time and sanity,' Kase stresses. 'You're allowed to say, 'I can't help with that' or 'It sounds like it's time to talk to a therapist.' You're allowed to tell people no when they try to burden you with responsibility that isn't yours to carry. Protecting your mental bandwidth isn't selfish—it's survival. Your nervous system needs space. Your dreams need time. And your life deserves to be about you, not just your role in other people's stories.'Jacobs agrees that this is a must by the time you're 40, saying, 'Not everyone needs complete access to you. Setting this boundary honors your capacity and preserves your energy. The people who truly care about you won't demand more than you can give.'Related:
'By your 40s, your body is changing,' Kase says. 'Hormones shift, new symptoms arise and prevention becomes a priority. This is the time to stop outsourcing your health and have a boundary about it. Speak up. Ask questions. Advocate for tests. Get second opinions. You are the expert, the advocate and the CEO of your own well-being.'
'Just because someone is your family doesn't mean they're entitled to access you,' Kase points out. 'If a family member is toxic, abusive or consistently harmful, it's time for you to set a boundary."She continues, adding, "By 40, chances are you've already extended grace, patience and second (or tenth) chances, so you're allowed to walk away. Sometimes love looks like connection. Sometimes it looks like distance and sends a quiet wish for healing from afar. Setting a boundary with family isn't cruel—it's often the most honest and loving thing you can do, for both of you. This is your time to unburden yourself from decades of dysfunction, guilt or emotional labor that was never yours to carry.'In addition, Jacobs tells Parade, 'Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, effort, accountability, trust and stability. By fostering connections that enhance these things, we remind ourselves that we should actually have and are allowed to have standards when it comes to how we show up in relationships and how we are cared for.'Related:
'Making decisions with fear means acknowledging fear is present without letting it lead, which is why this is a great boundary to have when you're turning 40,' Jacobs says. 'It's not about being fearless, but about integrating fear into living a life that is also shaped by your values, wants and needs.'
'Letting go of what others think doesn't make you selfish—it makes you fierce, which is why you need a self-image boundary,' Kase suggests. 'Many women talk about getting to their 40s and finding a new sense of IDGAF energy. Embrace that. Caring less about what other people think isn't rude—it's liberating. You don't need to compare yourself or explain yourself to anyone. Because you are living YOUR life and everyone else is living their own life. The freedom that comes with letting go of external validation? That's where real power lies.'Related:
'This boundary is about stopping always saying 'sorry,'' Kase shares. 'You should try to stop apologizing unless you're truly sorry and in the wrong. Your 40s are a turning point—a time when self-confidence finally outweighs the need for approval. Over-apologizing keeps you small, and it doesn't just impact you. It has generational consequences. This habit gets passed down—just like it was passed to you.'She tells Parade there are several other ways you can phrase things to avoid using the word 'sorry.''Try 'Thanks for your patience' instead of 'Sorry for the delay.' Or say, 'I've had a lot on my plate' instead of 'I'm so sorry I didn't call,'" she recommends. 'This shift in language reinforces your self-worth—and sets the tone for younger generations watching you lead.'
'The old saying 'I'll sleep when I'm dead' is toxic nonsense. By 40, it's time to treat your sleep like the sacred ritual it is—because the quality of your life depends on it,' Kase advises. 'Sleep is one of the most powerful tools for health and longevity. Treat sleep like the sacred ritual it is.'Up Next:Rebecca Kase, therapist, owner of Trama Therapy
Becca Jacobs therapist of The NYC Therapy Center
11 Boundaries Every Woman Should Set by 40, According to Therapists first appeared on Parade on May 29, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on May 29, 2025, where it first appeared.
