07-05-2025
The One Surprising Phrase You Should Stop Saying to Your Child or Grandchild
There are certain parenting habits that, in recent years, moms and dads have been more vocal about breaking—like not apologizing to children, expecting kids to hug anyone who asks and more. With greater access to psychology-backed insights thanks to social media, podcasts and helpful books, plenty of parents and grandparents have been changing their approach to different aspects of their kids' or grandkids' upbringing.
While gentle parenting has been a game-changer for many mothers and fathers—prioritizing communication, validation and respect, while still holding to boundaries and rules—it's not just how you say things to children, but what you say as well.
Parent coach Kristin Gallant and licensed marriage and family therapist Deena Margolin, the experts behind the popular parenting platform 'Big Little Feelings' (with 3.5 million followers on Instagram alone), share with Parade one popular phrase, in particular, that is well-meaning, but flawed.
Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say
The Surprising Phrase You Shouldn't Use With Your Child
"So, first of all, as with anything, it's not that you cannot say It's not that it's a terrible thing or your child or grandchild is going to be ruined forever—that's a pretty big misconception," Gallant begins. "But once you hear why we recommend you say it less, I think the parent or grandparent, would understand, maybe I should say this word less."
The phrase, in question? "Be careful."
"We have such good intentions behind it—we love our kids so, so much, we want them to be safe," Margolin acknowledges. "And we know that letting them take risks and explore things and mess up, like that is all so good for their development. So, how can we teach them to really be careful without making them nervous or fearful, and still encouraging them to take age-appropriate risks?"
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions
Why Deena and Kristin of 'Big Little Feelings' Recommend Using a Different Phrase
"When you follow your kid around and go, 'Be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful,' suddenly when there's a hot stove or a car is coming, they're tuning you out every time you say, 'Be careful,'" Gallant explains. "So the dangerous thing is happening and they're like, 'Whatever,' and they keep going. That is the main reason too why we recommend using a different phrase."
"When we say, 'Be careful,' all the time on repeat, it just starts to mean nothing to them," Margolin adds. "And also for little kids, a lot of times, that phrase just isn't specific enough for them. It doesn't mean a lot."
Related: 11 Things a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing
Alex Stone
8 Alternative Phrases To Use
"We can kind of swap that 'be careful' out for some different phrases that will really help [kids] build self-awareness and prompt some critical thinking to happen," Margolin explains.
Here are some of their favorite go-to options at Big Little Feelings:
1. "Look down where you're stepping."
This prompts your child to be aware of their surroundings.
2. "Hold on tightly with your hands."
Suggest a helpful action, like holding on tightly, if needed.
3. "What's your plan here?"
"I love that one," Margolin shares. "It really allows them to tune in and make a plan for themselves."
4. "Do you see how close you are to the edge?"
"A lot of times, they're standing on something, they're on rocks," Margolin explains. "We want them to be able to look inside and make their own assessment and choices so that, eventually, they really can be in that situation independently where they're like, 'Am I being careful?'"
Related: A Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Adopt These 10 'House Rules' ASAP
5. "Say 'help' if you need my help."
"[This is] another one that I love," Margolin says. "That way, they're in control of it. They're in charge, but they know that we're there if they do need us."
6. "Do you feel safe?"
This prompt gives children a chance to self-reflect and think about how they're feeling in that moment as they look closer at their surroundings.
7. "How can your hands and your feet help you here?"
"When kids are climbing, [I'm] just reminding them that their hands and their feet are kind of like their go-to tool," Margolin shares.
8. "Notice [insert specific callout.]"
"Here's an example, another one with rocks (my kids love rocks, so I'm thinking about rocks all the time—love some rocks)," Margolin says. "But encouraging them, 'Notice how slippery the rocks are before you step like that,' where you're really guiding their awareness."
Related: 5 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying
Modeling Behavior Yourself
According to Gallant, when it comes to really helping your kids out long-term, it's about doing less talking, and simply modeling healthy behaviors and actions yourself.
"The best way that your kid is going to learn to be a human actually isn't saying the exact right thing[...] but first, what you need to do is do it yourself. If you want your kid to be respectful, go out in the world and let them see you treat people with respect. If you want them to be kind when you're behind somebody who's really annoying in a traffic jam, you're going to have to dig deep and be kind about this person."
If you want your kids to have a healthy dose of caution and exploration, show them what that looks like by adapting some of the above phrases for yourself while you're playing with the kiddos!
Up Next:
Related: The #1 Hack To Get Your Child or Grandchild's Attention Without Yelling
Sources
