Latest news with #BookTok
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Limerence explained: Is it a crush or an obsession? We asked the experts
The term 'limerence" has been around since the 1970s, but it's been gaining traction lately, so if you haven't heard of it yet, you likely will. Although it's easy to think of limerence as a big crush, it's closer to an obsession with feelings of anxiousness and disappointment if the feelings aren't reciprocated. Anyone can experience it, but suffering through limerence can be especially painful for the LGBTQ+ community. With books and movies giving us ample examples of limerence and Lucy Dacus' brand new album featuring the single 'Limerence,' the word seems to have entered the pop culture lexicon, which means it's time to understand what limerence is really all about. To break it all down, we spoke with sex and dating experts who explained what limerence is, why the feelings can be so hard to shake, and what to do if you're struggling with these intense and all-encompassing emotions. - YouTube k.d. lang's "Constant Craving" isn't the only song about this kind of obsessive longing. Lucy Dacus just released her new album Forever is a Feeling, which features the song 'Limerence,' about this specific kind of 'love' that can take over your life. 'If I stay busy, maybe I'll forget how I feel and go on living life as I planned it,' she sings. Limerence is also fairly common to see in media geared toward young adults. Both Snape, who has an unhealthy lifelong fixation on Lily Potter in the Harry Potter franchise, and Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, who become obsessed with each other before they've even spoken to one another in Twilight, are struggling with limerence. Romeo and Juliet's tragic love story can be understood through the lens of limerence since the two teens fall madly and obsessively in love with each other after a single meeting. More recently, Alice Lowe directed and starred in the film Timestalker about a woman who repeatedly falls in love with the same man every time she dies and is reincarnated, despite never having a real relationship with him. And let's not even get started on limerence in lesbian cinema, its practically a subgenre all on its own with films like Notes on a Scandal, The Velvet Vampire, and Eileen all depicting a darker side of these emotions. There are also countless videos on TikTok of people describing their own experience with the feeling of limerence or defining the term for those not in the know. And Limerence by Scarlett Drake is a popular dark romance book that is frequently recommended on BookTok. If you ever covered your walls with posters of an actor or pop star and obsessively learned everything you could about them when you were a teen, you may have been experiencing 'limerence.' First coined in 1979 by American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, limerence is a romantic attachment where someone fixates on another person to the point of obsession. Instead of being in love or having a crush, people dealing with limerence almost 'trick' themselves into falling for someone, bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos tells PRIDE. You may think about the object of your obsession all of the time, stalk them on social media, fantasize about them in both sexual and mundane situations, imagine your future together, and have trouble sleeping because you are so excited about any little bit of contact you have with them. Being in limerence means riding an emotional rollercoaster full of high highs and low lows. 'You feel the strong feelings you do when being in love with a person, and many times you even get desperate or obsessed with them, but these feelings are instead triggered by your imagination and made up picture of how someone is,' she explains. You can even experience limerence for people you'll never meet or who it would be inappropriate to date, like a celebrity, coworker, or even the partner of a close friend. But when you are experiencing limerence it can feel like "equal parts of elation and despair when they think about or come into contact with the object of their desire,' according to Barbara Rowlandson, a dating coach who works with women who are coming out later in life and is a later-in-life lesbian herself. Oatawa/Shutterstock If the object of your obsessive desire doesn't reciprocate those feelings, or doesn't even know you exist, it can be agonizing. 'The roller coaster of limerence comes with extreme highs and lows,' Rowlandson says. "A client experiencing limerence might report feeling elated when the object of their desire likes their Instagram post or smiles at them in the hallway. But the high quickly fades to despair, knowing they cannot be with the person they are infatuated with.' Robyn Exton, CEO and founder of sapphic dating app HER, agrees, saying that unrequited limerence feels 'heady, torturous, a shortness of breath and a pull from the gut. You can lose your mind and heart every hour when its bad." Exton admits that while limerence is 'hard,' it can also be a beautiful experience. 'It's a lot of feelings to hold all at the same time but ultimately is one of the most powerful human emotions of attraction and desire and heartbreak all in one,' she says. Limerence is a pretty normal part of life, so if it's something you experience, you are not alone. It can even be a net positive if it motivates you to take action and ask someone out when you might not have the courage to otherwise. But it can quickly become toxic because limerents (a term for those experiencing limerence) are fearful of rejection, so when reality hits that you'll never have the relationship you've been dreaming of, it can feel like your whole world is coming crashing down. 'Where it becomes a problem is when it starts to disrupt regular daily functioning,' Rowlandson explains. 'Some folks really lock into that cycle of elation and despair, and it can get to the point where thoughts about their 'crush' become so all-consuming that it negatively impacts important things like sleep, work, or school obligations.' Exton says that at HER, they have noticed that sapphics tend to feel limerence more acutely than other people. 'We think sapphics over index highly for limerence because of our ability to fall hard and fast,' she explains. According to Exton, most LGBTQ+ people can probably relate to limerence because they likely experienced it before they came out as part of their 'sexual awakening.' Growing up with feelings of shame around your sexuality or being forced to hide it because you are queer, means that you may become obsessed with the first person who accepts you after you come out. The limited number of other queer people in the dating pool also can mean a higher probability of idealizing someone and falling into the trap of limerence. And crushing on a straight person who will never return your feelings or attraction is another almost universal experience that can lead to limerence for some LGBTQ+ people. 'That is a special kind of self-torture that only those of us in queer community experience! Didn't k.d. lang wrote a whole album about this? Invincible Summer, one of my faves,' Rowlandson said. But what can you do if limerence becomes a problem in your life? Exton recommends being honest about your feelings and then moving on if they're not reciprocated. 'Sometimes it's best to know if there's something there or in your head. And if not, take a deep breath, meet someone new, and fill your time with distractions,' she says. Rowlandson explains that if you get trapped in 'the vicious cycle of limerence,' where fantasizing about another person is getting in the way of your daily responsibilities, and if this is a pattern you have repeated throughout your life, it might be time to seek therapy. 'Limerence may be something you're engaging in that keeps you safely away from the realm of real, reciprocal relationships,' she says. 'If you're avoiding reality by frequently getting caught up in limerence, there's probably a fear underneath the surface that you should explore with a mental health professional.' Although it's easier said than done, according to Roos, you should try to avoid stalking the object of your obsession on social media, try not to masturbate to their pictures, and redirect yourself when you can't stop thinking and fantasizing about the person. Talking to a trusted friend about your feelings can also help you move on more easily. But Roos says focusing on self improvement and going on dates with new people who may reciprocate your feelings is a great way to get through the limerence you're feeling, 'When it all comes around, you're not really in love, and falling for someone genuinely, even though it can take time to get there when suffering from limerence, is often the best cure.'
Daily Mail
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Footy and reality TV star Luke Bateman built up a huge TikTok following with Aussie women - then they turned on him over one video
One-time NRL star Luke Bateman is at the centre of a social media storm after posting a video announcing he has signed a book deal, with many of his former fans accusing him of benefiting from 'white male privilege'. Bateman, 30, has become an online sensation after revealing his interest in risqué romance and fantasy novels in a series of videos. The former Canberra Raiders lock - who also appeared on The Bachelor in 2023 - has amassed 175,000 TikTok followers at the time of writing. Earlier this week, Bateman took to social media to announce that he recently signed a two-book deal with Atria Books Australia. 'This is a childhood dream come true for me. I've wanted to be an author my whole life, so it really blows me away,' he said. However, the announcement has sparked fierce backlash and debate about equity in the publishing industry. 'A white man getting a book deal without having written anything? My jaw stayed right where it was,' replied one user, with the comment getting more than 5000 likes. 'This opportunity is the intersection of white privilege, male privilege, and pretty privilege. Not a reflection of worth,' posted another. 'Well good to see that publishing is still a colossal joke,' replied a third. TikTok users even posted their own video reactions to the news to express their outrage. 'A white man joined BookTok on April 22 and less than two months later achieved getting a two-book epic fantasy deal with Atrium books that he credits to his success on BookTok,' said @grapiedeltaco. 'We don't have very many details of what he's already written, but it seems like he didn't even have a manuscript. 'Like it seems like he had a concept, which is something that many established authors who have already been traditionally published can't even manage.' Bateman has addressed the flood of criticism, insisting he understands the anger that's been levelled at him. 'I wholeheartedly understand how angry and resentful these things would make people,' he said. 'I obviously have advantages that other people don't. How do I capitalise on those to help lift everyone up? Because I feel like dragging people down leaves everyone at the bottom, whereas a rising tide lifts all ships. 'And if I can use my platform and my voice and my privilege and position in society to help uplift others, I say, that is what books are about.' Bateman, who has lots of female admirers, is believed to be single following his split from Ellie Rolfe last year. The pair met on The Bachelor and connected - but eventually went their separate ways. 'Ellie and I would like to keep our relationship private,' Bateman said at the time. 'She has a soul that lights up every room she walks into and I will sorely miss it in my life.' On the footy field, Bateman chalked up 71 appearances for the Raiders between 2015 and 2019. A knee injury ended his career - and before his NRL debut, Bateman in 2014 publicly had to confirm he wasn't gay. It followed an on-field slur from current Parramatta Eels halfback Mitchell Moses, who was playing for NSW against the Maroons in an under-20s match. 'I'm not gay,' Bateman said. 'I've had plenty of people from the gay community write to me or contact me on Twitter giving messages of support.
News.com.au
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
BookTok turns on Luke Bateman after career announcement
The 'hot' farmer who went viral for his love of books has responded after some fans turned on him after he announced a brand-new development in his career. Luke Bateman, who played for the Canberra Raiders and appeared on The Bachelor before taking BookTok by storm earlier this year, took to the video sharing platform this week to announce he had signed a two-book deal with Atria Books Australia, a division of Simon & Schuster. 'This is a childhood dream come true for me. I've wanted to be an author my whole life, so it really blows me away,' he said. Mr Bateman said after he got the call he 'cried so much' and thanked his support online, saying the opportunity only came because of his recent following. 'I can't wait to write this book, it's going to be an epic fantasy book and I can't wait to put my heart on the page for all of you,' he said. It's not clear whether anything had already been written, or if only a concept had been pitched, when Mr Bateman landed the deal that is set to be a coming of age story. While Mr Bateman initially got a lot of support when he entered the BookTok community — a place where avid readers bond over novels — some were outraged at his recent news. British creator @josie_library said there were 'so many' authors on TikTok who were 'dying' for a publishing deal. 'And a man, without having ever written anything, got a two-book deal from an idea. Stop it. Not mad at the man, but Simon & Schuster what the f*** are they doing,' she said. 'Like, don't get me wrong if that was me I would hop on that train immediately — even if I can't write for sh*t. But, what do you mean? 'As a publishing company with a marketing team, I think Simon & Schuster just continuously drop the ball.' Meanwhile, @grapiedeltaco said a 'white man' joined BookTok on April 22 and 'less than two months later achieved getting a two-book epic fantasy deal'. 'We don't have very many details of what he's already written, but it seems like he didn't even have a manuscript. Like it seems like he had a concept, which is something that many established authors who have already been traditionally published can't even manage,' she claimed. Australian advocate Jeff Kisubi also weighed in, saying; 'Meanwhile, Black and marginalised authors, especially women and gender-diverse creatives, are out here with finished, powerful stories that still get overlooked. 'This isn't just about talent. It's about who the industry chooses to believe in before the work even exists, privilege both racial and gendered, which shapes who get a head start and who's told to prove themselves over and over again.' has contacted Mr Bateman and Simon & Schuster for comment. Mr Bateman has since addressed the criticism, stating he 'wholeheartedly understood' the anger and frustration from the author community. 'I obviously have advantages that other people don't. How do I capitalise on those to help lift everyone up because I feel like dragging people down leaves everyone at the bottom whereas a rising tide lifts all ships,' he told Chattr on Wednesday. 'And if I can use my platform and my voice and my privilege and position in society to help uplifts others, I say, that is what books are about.' He said for his book deal to ignite such a reaction, it was obviously something 'very close to their heart'. He also said he recognised that he has never experienced the same barriers or discrimination as some others, and that he held so much love for these people. Mr Bateman said the reaction didn't take away from the joy he felt, saying two things could be true at the same time. He added that a lot of the conversations he's now having are new to him. The farmer previously told Yahoo Australia that he reached out to a publisher six months ago to pitch a book but never heard back from them. 'Then, all these TikToks took off, and my management company reached out to a few publishers and said, 'Hey, Luke has a book that he'd like to pitch, would you be interested',' he told the publication. 'She said, 'I'd love to be able to publish all of them with you, let's get started,' and yeah, that's how it came about!' Many defended Mr Bateman, who was dubbed the 'hot booktokker' when he initially went viral. 'All haters please note: a 60 second video does not tell you every detail of a person's life. Don't assume there isn't a manuscript or that this hasn't been something in the works for some time. Question your assumptions, because that's all they are, assumptions,' one said. QBD Bookstores commented: 'Congratulations Luke! We can't wait to read your debut book!!' Another said: 'Why the hate? Why is it about race? Why is it about gender? The double standard has got to stop. We made him famous. Now we are tearing him down? He did nothing wrong. Right place at the right time. Say congrats and move on! And if the book is good or bad, remember reading is subjective. Congratulations! I wish you all the best! This is an insane opportunity!' Earlier this month, Mr Bateman spoke to about how he came to be on BookTok — and how he'd always been an avid reader. 'I've just never ever had anyone to discuss books with obviously being a male in sporting circles and I've never had mates or friends around me who are readers,' he told So, he posted a video introducing himself to the community after two of his female friends told him that's where he would find his people. BookTokers were immediately drawn to the Aussie's casual style and tendency to post from the seat of a tractor wearing an Akubra style hat. The clip racked up 1.9 million views and gained Bateman 136k followers in just days. Currently, on his public Instagram, he has 17,000. Mr Bateman, who is originally from Queensland, was welcomed to the social platform by the likes of popular influencers Alright Hey and Blue Eye Kayla Jade. 'This poor guy just wanted to talk about books,' one social media user said. Another added: 'Are we all in love with him or just me?' Mr Bateman said he had a love for reading since he was very young, but was convinced this habit was nothing to be proud of. He said his first memory of reading comes from buying a Pokemon book from the Scholastic Book Fair when he was in Year One. 'I couldn't even read at the time, but I remember I used to sit there and pretend to read,' he told adding that his brother used to make fun of him for it. But it was when he got to the age of 10 that he really started to delve into the world of fantasy, saying it was easy to do so when he parents were big readers. 'It's not a chore for me. It's a genuine joy,' he said. Mr Bateman said he felt so 'embarrassed' and 'shameful' about his reading habits for so long, and he wanted to use his new-found popularity to encourage other young men to pick up a book. He said his entire life he felt like an 'undercover nerd'. He said he didn't want anyone else to feel that way, and encouraged parents to get their kids into reading.
Buzz Feed
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Buzz Feed
19 Popular Books That Are Actually Really Overrated
Sometimes, I don't know how to trust the book recs on BookTok. It's easy to say that art is subjective, but occasionally a book will blow up to such a degree that when I get my hands on it, I ask the universe, "What am I missing here?" So when Reddit user sbucksbarista asked, "What are the worst books social media has introduced to you?", I had to share the answers with you fellow bookworms. It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover surrounding It Ends With Us is cringeworthy. Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros Normal People by Sally Rooney A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas The Midnight Library by Matt Haig They Both Die in the End by Adam Silvera Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin someone tells me they didn't like Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. A Little Life by Hanya Yanaginhara Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller The Martian by Andy Weir Maybe the movie was just better. This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone Dark Matter by Blake Crouch someone hates on Blake Crouch. Big Swiss by Jen Beagin Bunny by Mona Awad Babel by R. F. Kuang Lapvona by Ottessa Moshfegh If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica And my favourite: Any popular horror novel that's not Stephen King! I have my own personal "big misses" that BookTok tricked me into reading, including Cloud Cuckoo Land, Our Missing Hearts, and The God of the Woods. Now, tell me in the comments the popular books that YOU think are maybe our thread will get as heated as Reddit. And make sure you follow BuzzFeed Canada on TikTok and Instagram for more!
Fast Company
7 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Fast Company
I read more than 100 books last year as a working mom. You can, too
A year ago, I started reading again. I say 'again' because, like the countless friends and colleagues I've spoken to who have also found themselves swept up in the reading renaissance that's currently reshaping the book industry—the U.S. market is projected to grow from $40.5 billion in 2024 to $51.5 billion by 2030, with audiobooks and ebooks seeing explosive growth—I'd lost the habit somewhere between the demands of a growing career and the chaos of early parenthood. For too long, reading was relegated to vacations—and even then, I'd be lucky to get through a full book. But last year, something shifted. Twelve months later, I've read over 100 books and listened to countless more on audio. I sleep better, stress less, have a better work/life balance, and—for the first time in years—have an actual hobby that's purely for my personal enjoyment. Small but strategic changes How'd I do it? Call it a perfect storm: I stumbled into the world of BookTok, finally succumbed to the siren call of the Kindle, and I made a few small but strategic lifestyle changes that opened up a whole new world of reading. Below, I've included five of the tactics that helped me make reading a priority (read the other ten on my Substack, Two Truths). My method won't apply to every person or be conducive to every career: I'm primarily a stay-at-home parent of two young kids who works part-time in the margins of my 'free' time as a writer. But it's my hope that some of what worked for me will help you find more free time, too—whether it's to read one book, 100 books, or do something else entirely. 1. I typically read three different books at once. This might sound chaotic, but hear me out. Here's how I break down my three-book method . . . One book is on my Kindle, which travels with me everywhere so I can fill any spare moments (waiting at the doctor's office, sitting in the school pick-up lot, or standing in line at the grocery store) by sneaking in a few pages. This is also what I read at nighttime when my kids' bedtime books are done and I'm waiting for them to doze off—the tablet's screen has a dark mode that doesn't disturb them, and it's a nice way to wind down my day. One is a hard copy, either something from the library, or something I want to annotate (I appreciate the aesthetic nostalgia of highlighters and sticky tabs). This is how I read most of my nonfiction, which I prefer to hold in my hand. Since these books are often for work, research, or self-improvement, I often read them in the morning (more on that below), during naptime, or while both kids are playing independently. One is an audiobook, which I listen to while I'm driving or doing work around my home. I regularly find myself cleaning out closets or reorganizing the pantry just so I have an excuse to keep listening to a book. I typically reserve my audiobooks for easier-to-follow, lighthearted way, if I get distracted and miss something, I won't be completely lost. 2. I stopped watching unintentional TV. There was a time when I'd end the day by crashing on the couch and searching for something to watch before inevitably ending up on The Office (. . . again). Now, I only watch TV when I truly want to invest my time into a series, and I really cannot stress enough how much time this opened up for me in the evening. 3. I wake up early and read before the kids wake. I never thought I'd say this (I've never been a morning person), but having young kids trained my body to wake up at 5 a.m. These days, they usually sleep until 6—but if the house is still quiet when I wake, I take the chance to read a few pages of my book before the day begins. It's a peaceful ritual that keeps me off my phone—and away from notifications and mindless scrolling—until I'm ready to address whatever's waiting. 4. I keep a running list in my Notes app with every book I've read, plus a few emojis or keywords to represent how I felt about it. This helps me remember what I loved or didn't love about a book, which is crucial when someone asks me for a reading recommendation. I also like the sense of accomplishment that comes from scrolling through my list. 5. I chose to prioritize reading, and then built boundaries around it. Bottom line: I could certainly be doing a host of other things during the extra time I've dug out of my days and nights; the unpacked boxes that have been sitting in my basement since our move two years ago would probably like a word. Maybe I'm missing out on some great series or films that I would have stumbled upon, and I could always tackle my overflowing inbox in that open hour at 5 a.m. But for me, reading offers a pretty effortless and accessible escape from the news, noise, and inevitable dilemmas that pop up daily—and those moments of peace are priceless.
