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From heartbreak to hope; suicide loss survivor says 'You are not alone'
FARMERSBURG, Ind. (WTWO/WAWV) — According to the CDC in 2023, suicide was the second leading cause of death among those ages 10 to 34.
Losing a loved one to suicide is a pain that's nearly impossible to put into words. But in Sullivan County, one couple is doing just that—finding the words, sharing their story, and helping others find hope again. It's a mission born out of heartbreak and now, healing.
On the county road next to Westlawn Cemetery in Farmersburg, Mike Frey spins the tires against the pavement in the truck he and his son, Cade, once restored together.
They call them 'Burnouts for Cade.' A cloud of smoke. A roar of horsepower. A father's way of saying, I love you, I miss you.
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'Cade was my son,' Mike said. 'He passed away from suicide, November 24, 2020. He had just graduated from high school at Sullivan. An amazing young man, he was a race car driver at the quarter midget track in Terre Haute, he loved motocross, he loved making people laugh and smile more.'
Mike went on to describe his last interactions with his son and talked about the plans he had for the year. 'We did not see this coming,' he said as a silence fell over him. 'No one saw this coming.'
Cade Frey took his life the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.
'I remember that day when I found him,' Mike said. 'There was nothing else we could've done for Cade,' Mike said as he was overcome with emotion. 'There was just nothing they could do.'
Cade's organs were donated, and he saved five lives. But his absence left a void that Mike and his companion Rebecca are still learning to live with.
'I go by every single morning, by the graveside, and tell my son good morning, and try to go by every single evening and tell him goodnight,' Mike said.
Their journey led them to Team of Mercy, a nonprofit based in Terre Haute that helps those left behind after losing a loved one to suicide.
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'We went to our first meeting in Terre Haute and have been going ever since for the last five years, every month,' he said.
The couple now leads Team of Mercy's monthly survivor support group in Sullivan.
'It's just a place we can connect with others in Sullivan who are going through the same thing we are,' Mike said.
'Being around people who have experienced what you've gone through and what you've lost is very, very important because then you realize that you aren't alone, that you are sharing this with other people,' Rebecca said. 'I honestly feel if we didn't have Team of Mercy helping us through all of this, I'm not so sure we would get out of bed some days,' she added.
Christina Crist knows that pain all too well. She lost her daughter Hannah to suicide in 2013 and became one of the driving forces behind Team of Mercy.
'Hannah, at the time of her death, was 15 years old, a sophomore at South High School. It had rocked our community's world to know that a 15-year-old, let alone thought about suicide, but actually took her life,' Christna said.
Christina described Hannah as tears filled her eyes, 'A fun-loving kid. Charismatic, loving, caring,' she said. 'Kids described her as someone who, if they would be having a bad day and Hannah would notice that and do whatever she could to make sure they were going to have a better day.'
A decade later, Christina's grief hasn't faded — but it has evolved. And through her pain, she's found a purpose.
'You will never ever, ever get over this,' Christina said. 'You're not supposed to. But what we learn to do is live in it. We learn to thrive in it, we learn to go on, we figure out how to still hold a piece of our loved ones.'
For Christina, it's white butterflies. She spotted one when she sat down for this interview. She said the butterflies may have always been there, but it was after her daughter's death that she started noticing them.
'For almost 13 years, my other daughter and I, whenever we see a white butterfly, we say 'Hi Hannah.' Do I really think that's Hannah in that butterfly?' she questioned. 'No. No. But we find ways to bring joy in such absolute gut-wrenching pain. And if it's a white butterfly, 'Hi Hannah, hi.'
And with every story shared—every burnout, every butterfly, every meeting—these survivors are making sure that their loved ones' stories never fade.
'I've lost my son, I can't feel any worse than I do,' Mike says as he chokes up. He takes a moment and then continues. 'There is nothing you could do to me to make me feel any worse after losing him. But if I could help one family from feeling that way, another family, that's all I want,' he added.
As the white smoke from the burnout rises across the cemetery and over Cade's gravestone, so does Mike's message, 'You are not alone.'
If you've lost a loved one to suicide, Team of Mercy wants you to know that you don't have to walk that journey alone.
Mike and Rebecca host the Suicide Loss Support Group in Sullivan on the third Monday of each month from 6:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. at Abundant Grace Church. It's located at 671 W Wolfe St., behind Walmart in Sullivan.
The next meeting is happening on Monday, June 16.
For more information on Team of Mercy, click here. If you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by clicking here. You can also text or call the hotline by dialing 988.
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