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Buzz Feed
18-03-2025
- Entertainment
- Buzz Feed
People Are Sharing Their Most Gut-Wrenching Friend Breakups, And I'm Emotionally Unprepared For This
Recently, we asked the Buzzfeed Community to share stories of their most painful or significant friendship breakups. Here's what they had to say: 1. She'd been my best friend since 5th grade. We got together every college break, we lived three blocks apart, and she was my bridesmaid. I moved about 50 miles away after I got married. She met a guy who didn't like me, and I was neutral about him. We didn't get together as couples, but we still met up a few times a year. She married him and didn't invite me to the wedding, as I had moved, and she 'didn't know how to get in touch with me.' She had been calling my parents' phone number since we were 10 [years old]. Our parents still lived three blocks apart. I took the hint." 2. "I was part of a tight-knit friends group from high school until our early 30s. We did meal trains for each other during hard life events, cared for one another's families after significant surgeries, etc. A couple of years ago, one member of our group announced she was pregnant, and we were all elated — or so I thought. Another girl in the group (who had recently found out her partner was infertile, although she said it wasn't a big deal because they didn't want kids anyway) slowly started getting more and more unhinged." "It started with her quietly expressing jealousy but then took a truly strange turn: she started buying and then abandoning exotic pets, presumably to get attention or fill some kind of void. We tried to reason with her because she was like a sister to us — but things went more and more off the rails. Finally, one day, we apparently didn't 'laugh react' enough to a meme she sent the group chat, and she went nuclear and deleted herself from the chat and went incommunicado with all but one of us. When I pressed her for details, since she and I were perhaps the closest, she sent me a friendship breakup letter saying she didn't want to deal with our problems anymore and I should 'have a nice life.' The one member of the group she willingly maintained contact with sided with her (despite previously having been the most vocal about how messed up the whole exotic pet abandonment phase was) and left our group as well. Basically, we're now a group of three, and the vibe is totally destroyed. Despite my shock and hurt at first, I don't really miss either of the two who left anymore; time has proven that they were more of a source of toxicity than true friendship. That said, I DEEPLY miss the vibe of our crew, which is seemingly gone for good." — melc40e454224 3. "Best of friends for over 15 years; I was pregnant at the end of Covid and gave birth at the end of 2021. Fast forward to the end of 2022, things had mostly 'returned to normal', and my best friend, who hadn't met my baby yet, made every excuse under the sun not to attend her 1st birthday party. So when I changed the date to accommodate her, and then suddenly there were multiple reasons why that new date didn't work, I knew it wasn't about the party. When confronted, she gave a curt, 'I don't have time for this,' and that was all she wrote." — creepster 4. "My friendship with my former friend spanned decades, growing up together since elementary school and now in our 30s. We celebrated milestones together — I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, and we navigated life with a close-knit group of lifelong friends." "But over the years, our bond faded as she became less engaged with any of us, rarely initiating plans or asking us questions, and overall seeming to be uninterested in any of our lives except her own. I was especially disheartened when I opened up to her about my dad's deteriorating health and battle with stage 4 cancer — all I received in return was a dismissive, passive-aggressive wish for things to be different. Then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, she decided to block me and two other lifelong friends and bridesmaids, painting herself as the victim and martyr in our severed friendship. When my dad died two weeks later, she showed up at the funeral but didn't even acknowledge my family or me to pay respects, even though she made a point to come through the funeral line rather than just sit down. This experience taught me a lot about friendship and the importance of mutual effort and care. Some friendships aren't meant to last forever, and it's okay to let go of those that don't bring support or reciprocated effort. I haven't heard from her in any capacity since she initially blocked me, which is good because now I'm busy focusing on the friendships that truly nurture and uplift me rather than drain me." 5. "I made the mistake of telling my best friend's wife that it isn't fair to refuse to get a job just because you want to focus on your 'art' that never sells and has never sold. My best friend used to be an artist too — it's how they met — but now he works all hours of the day to cover the bills and rent for himself and another grown adult. He'd love to also have the freedom to paint and be creative. Anyway, she decided I'm toxic, and now he's not allowed to speak to me." — metrofan 6. "I had a friend all through high school, and we became even closer after high school in our early twenties when one of my best guy friends was a guy she wanted to date. She was happy to be around when everything was a party, and I could get her access to being around said dude (who she did end up dating briefly until he dumped her). But when hardships happened in my life, and I needed a best friend's support, she started treating me like shit, ghosting me, bailing on me, and excluding me from things with mutual friends when I needed her most until finally, our friendship completely ended after I stood up for myself and told her how hurt I was." "We never spoke again; 13 years of friendship gone just like that. I was devastated, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I'm married now, surrounded by loving and supportive friends, and from what I hear, she's lost a few more friends for similar reasons and is still single eight years later. I don't miss her at all anymore; I'm glad our friendship ended. I wouldn't be where or who I am today if it hadn't. Good riddance." — welchchelsea92 7. "We lived about 45min from each other. Best friends for over 20 years. Our kids grew up together. We got together as much as we could. We always texted or talked on the phone. We've been through the death of parents and different phases of our lives (like going back to work). Last talked to her in April 2023, and the next month, she ghosted me. She kept me on social media for the longest time, but then she either blocked me or canceled her accounts. It is the most hurtful thing when someone ghosts you and won't at least tell you why. I still have voicemail messages of her singing 'Happy Birthday' to me and telling me she loves me. I think about her, and when something happens, I want to call her. I miss her, and it makes me cry." 8. "Just recently, actually. I ended a roughly 15-year friendship. We've known each other since middle school. We got into a massive fight, and it put a lot of things into perspective, to be honest. I'll spare the details, but it started with a disagreement that most people would regularly just discuss, but because he disagreed with me, it turned into him gaslighting, insulting my intelligence (he actually used the words 'I don't think you understand how this works'), and being incredibly condescending." "In the days that followed, I realized that I was done. I wasn't going to keep someone around who routinely treated me like this, who acts like you're outright wrong if you disagree with them even over the smallest things and will sit there arguing with you about it to the ends of the earth, who takes everything so personally, and quite frankly is the most negative person I've ever been around. It just became so soul-sucking after this long. At the end of the day, I don't think he's a bad person; he has been a really good friend when it mattered, and I'm aware I'm not faultless in the falling out. I chose to walk away from the friendship because I don't want to surround myself with people who treat me like that and the constant negativity. It's really bittersweet, but overall, I feel better for ending it. I wish him the best and hope that everything works out well for him; I just won't be around for it." — mo2758 9. "She knew that I was in love with this guy, the first one I had loved since my 3-year relationship, and told him that I didn't really love him and that I was playing him. She destroyed my relationship with him, and I didn't figure out she had done this until seven months later when he finally told me what had happened — we repaired our relationship, but it wasn't the same. I cut ties immediately with my best friend, but it's hard because I could've been truly happy with him, and the time we were wedged apart by her changed him too much." — rhypietml15 10. "My best friend of 14 years ghosted me after my husband and I divorced. It was a very acrimonious divorce, yet she refused to return any of my calls. Her brother was going through a bad divorce at the same time, and it might be that she could not handle the pressure of two divorces. But it would have been nice of her to tell me that. Especially when I had just gotten out of the hospital and learned he was cheating." "I was such a good friend to her: threw her a great surprise birthday party, got her exactly what she wanted for her birthday, and treated her to a Bruce Springsteen concert when her cat died, among other niceties. I never expected to be ostracized by her, but one can never predict the future. But her and my ex's actions at the same time were heartbreaking. It took me years to actually trust someone, and they are few and far in my universe." — shabooshabah 11. "My bestie and I had a breakup of sorts. I loved her, but when her boyfriend broke up with her, she became very, very toxic. I don't know if she had always been that way, but I didn't see that side. For three weeks, all we would talk about was her breakup and if I thought he would come back to her. Then she told me about how she stalked his location and saw he was at an apartment complex she didn't recognize." "SO SHE WENT AND SAT IN THE PARKING LOT TRYING TO SEE WHICH APARTMENT HE CAME OUT OF. Then, the next week, she was obsessing over some guy she works with — and then followed him on all socials and was posting thirst traps when he said he was seeing someone. She showed me some of her true self-centered colors, and I realized she wasn't a friend I wanted in my life." — surpriseddog193 12. "My best friend ghosted me when my mum went through stage 3 cancer treatment. She had just had her first baby at the time, which I was excited and supportive about. Visited, cuddled, bought gifts, and checked in on her regularly to see how they were doing. Never asked me in return how my mum was doing, or how I was coping (which I wasn't). Then, out of the blue, one day, I received a long message about how she felt we had drifted apart due to my lack of involvement with her baby and pregnancy, that all I ever spoke about was cancer, and as a result, she didn't feel we should be friends anymore. It couldn't have been further from the truth." "I even went as far as sending her dairy alternatives when her baby had a reaction to dairy, so neither she nor the baby could eat it; I am a vegan, so I sent her lots of alternatives I use and recommended. But I, according to her, had not put any effort into our friendship. I also never mentioned my mum's cancer around her as it was a safe space to not be constantly reminded of it. I didn't even get to respond to the message before she blocked and deleted me on everything. We live in the same village, so I see her sometimes, and she looks right through me as though I am a stranger. Mum beat the cancer, by the way, and is several years in the clear. 💪🏻 😘" —Anonymous, UK 13. "She slept with someone I dated, told me after the fact, and acted like it wasn't a big deal. She didn't get what she did wrong. She said that it 'just happened,' 'she didn't plan it,' and that if it were her, she wouldn't care — it's more about timing. I didn't even care about the other person; it was more about her lack of care and concern for our friendship. She didn't think or consider whether she would be hurting me; she just acted, damn the consequences. I felt she didn't value our friendship or me." 14. "The friendship was great for the first year and a half. We did everything together; her daughters were like my own. I was at her house literally every weekend. Then I got a boyfriend. She freaked out on me. Told me I was moving too fast, and I'm 'desperate to not be alone forever.' Like duh? Nobody wants to be alone forever. I was almost 33." "For the next six months, she would gaslight me, telling me she supported me in everything I was doing (during that time, I was going back to school; she said it was a bad idea, changing jobs; that wasn't good because I was leaving her at the other job, met my boyfriend, who even after 6 months she refused to meet him but called him a bad person). "In the end, I just couldn't handle the abuse anymore. If things didn't go exactly the way she wanted, it was my fault. If I confronted her about a problem I was having with her, she said I was just playing the victim. I walked on eggshells around her, and I was sick of it. So I texted her one day and said, 'We can't be friends anymore. Don't text back. No, why, no thumbs up, nothing. I'm done,' and that's that." —Anonymous, 33, Nebraska 15. "My entire life was imploding. I had just moved to a completely different town, hours and hours away from where I'd lived my whole life, and I had just found out my wife had a crush on someone else. I turned to my best friend (and cousin) for support, and she supported me at first, but then, out of nowhere, she decided she couldn't be my friend anymore. We'd known each other our whole lives. But poof. Over 25 years of friendship out the window. It's been almost two years since that day. I miss her all the time. I cycle between grief and anger over it, and I'm at a loss over what to do about it. If she reads this, she'll know it's about her. It's way too specific. I just want to know what happened, truthfully." —Anonymous, 30, Canada 16. "I met this girl at church, and we soon became inseparable. We hung out all the time and were constantly texting or Snapchatting together, and everyone knew we were two peas in a pod. She was the first real friend I was ever vulnerable with; she knew all my secrets, and I knew hers. As time went on, I could feel a shift between us but wasn't too worried about it until I saw one day that she looked at my Snapchat story, but it wasn't showing that she was still my friend on there." "I was super confused, so I hopped on Facebook and Instagram to see that she unfriended/unfollowed me and deleted every picture of me. And that was it, she never told me what happened or if I did something wrong, absolutely nothing! I was heartbroken, and to this day, six years later, I still have no idea what went wrong. Because of this, I have had trouble making friends and being vulnerable. It still hurts, but I wish her well." — Sarah, 29, Virginia 17. "We were best friends since fifth grade. We were part of a trio, and the three of us were as close as could be. I had grown apart a bit from them when I moved away, but things kicked right back up when I moved back to the area. One of them got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was so happy but felt a little bit like I was a third wheel at times. At the bachelorette weekend, I felt really left out and out of place. I kept to myself a lot to try and make things easier on myself. After the weekend, the bride-to-be wouldn't speak to me." "When she finally did, she implied I had messed up the weekend. I told her I would remove myself from the wedding party and wished her the best of luck. The other friend never spoke to me again, either. It's been almost ten years now. The two of them remained super close. I think about them a lot and wish them the best, but I still can't believe how easily disposable our long-lasting friendship turned out to be." —Jennifer, New York 18. "At the end of my first year of university, I was left in a weird position to find new housemates (my three dormmates signed a lease without me). A girl I knew briefly from my hometown asked if I wanted to move in with her and her friends — I was so relieved! We went out the next night to see if we were a good fit, and I had one of the best nights that year! Over the course of the next three years, we became especially close. We were a unit, but we also had strong individual relationships. We shared everything, laughed constantly, and supported each other through a ton." "What we all went through during our years of university was wild looking back. Tragedy and heartbreak on repeat. In the last year of my program, my Dad committed suicide. The girls knew about my complicated relationship with my Dad and that we had recently stopped speaking before he took his life. I was devastated, angry, and felt immense guilt. When it came time for the funeral, one of my roommates (who I would call a best friend) said she wasn't going to be able to make it to my Dad's funeral. She had a school function and couldn't attend because she could not arrange a ride from that function to my small town hours away. I was a little surprised but tried to be understanding. A mutual friend of both of us attended my Dad's funeral and actually offered my roommate a ride (a 6-hour trip), which my roommate neglected to tell me. I was really shocked and felt so blindsided by it. I felt like I needed her there; she was a pillar of my support system. After the funeral and my initial feelings had cooled, I laid out how hurt I was. But that, ultimately, it wasn't over — if she made the effort to heal this, then I would forgive her. I wrote this huge message to her, and she basically insinuated she did the best that she could at the time and never followed up past that. We have not spoken since. It turns out that we had kids the same year, but we were a few months apart. Wild how things can change." —Anonymous, 31, Ontario 19. "I'm in my 30s, so for the last few years, all of my social events have been friends' engagements, bachelorette parties, weddings, baby announcements, baby showers, kids' birthday parties. I was the maid of honor at a long-time friend's wedding and essentially felt like a punching bag for all of the stress. I started distancing myself because I felt every single conversation over the last three years had been about her and what next life milestone was coming up. I was there for all of them, provided round-the-clock support, and also spent a lot of money. After everything, it was my birthday, and I was told I was being selfish for wanting to celebrate. As a single friend — that's basically what you get to celebrate — your birthday. I actually just cut ties after that and realized I was all set, but it still hurts to feel nothing was reciprocated." 20. "I met my best friend 30 years ago. We had worked together but did not become friends until I changed jobs. We did so many things together. We talked every day. We shared heartache and joy. We experienced both our sons being imprisoned. We cried, we hugged, we coped together. Holidays were spent together. My husband considered her one of the family. He showed her kindness and allowed me great patience when she was having a meltdown. After she had a major operation, he and I took care of her for weeks. My husband began to get forgetful so we decided to move to Florida to be near my son. When we moved, we gave her thousands of dollars worth of tools, furniture, and miscellaneous items. For a few months after the move, she would take my phone calls, and then, for no reason, she cut off all communication. A year later, my husband of 55 years died. I returned to our home state to bury him. She never came to the funeral. No card. No call. After many months, I was able to come to terms with the fact she was truly not my friend. Life goes on." —Anonymous, 72, Florida 21. "I was friends with a woman for 20 years. We met when we were around seven years old, and it was such a good friendship. Unfortunately, I ended up in an abusive relationship. She tried to help me see what was going on, but I was in too deep, and she finally had enough and stopped talking to me. I left my abuser and tried to reconnect with her, with the understanding that she may not want to. Sure enough, she left me on read. I was really broken up about it, but when I'd gained perspective, I could see things from her side. I still miss her now, and I hope she's doing well." —Anonymous 22. And finally, "I'm going through one now. I was friends with a woman for 10+ years. I was in her bridal party; she was in mine. She is a drag-queen-brunches, protesting-for-abortion-rights, feminist liberal. The problem started last year; she found out her husband voted for Trump in 2020 and lied to her about it. Then he voted for Trump again this time around. She found out and went to our mutual friend's for the weekend to think about what to do." LeoPatrizi / Getty Images "During this time, I let her know that I never liked him for her. And how could she trust him if he could lie to her about something so important? And how are their values/morals the same if he's so different from her? And what happens if the baby that they're trying for (not pregnant yet) ends up a girl? Is he going to protect her from all the things Trump is doing to women now? She chose to stay with him and has stopped talking to me. Which means she wasn't the person I thought she was. Actions speak louder than words, and she chose to support a fascist — and have a child with him — rather than live by the morals/values/people that I'm still fighting for. If she's anything like the woman I thought she was, she's going to be miserable, and I don't understand why she would stay. And if she's not that woman who have I been friends with for the last decade... how did I not see her?" —Anonymous, 40s Do any of these stories hit close to home for you? Do they make you want to end a friendship or try to save one? Have you had your own friendship breakup you want to share? Let us know in the comments. You can also fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous.
Buzz Feed
05-03-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
People Are Sharing What Concerns Them The Most About Gen Z's Dating Habits, And It's A Little Bleak
I recently shared my thoughts on Gen Z's (different) dating habits and wanted to find out if I was alone in my thinking. They're a free-spirited, inclusive, take-no-sh*t generation, but IMO, they lack the will to commit when it comes to relationships because it's all about hookup culture these days. I'm the traditional romantic who lives for the fairytale, but I'm old school. So I turned to the Buzzfeed Community and asked their opinion on Gen Z dating because maybe I'm just outdated. But based on these responses, rest assured, I'm not. Here's what they had to say: Note: Some responses have been edited for length and clarity, and not all responses are from the Buzzfeed Community. Some have been pulled from this Reddit thread, this Reddit thread, and this Reddit thread. 1. 'I'm part of Gen Z myself, but I also question the dating habits of people my age. There's too much ambiguity with the 'talking stage,' and nobody is romantic anymore.' 2. 'I honestly can't believe how healthy the dating practices are amongst the Gen Z teens I know. They have clear boundaries, open discussions, and a much better feel for their own mental health within the relationship than I did as a teen.' 'They also do a better job of staying friends and not taking sides after a breakup. This is obviously not true of every individual or every relationship, but it is the overall trend I have observed.' — miniscissors49 3. 'There's no intimacy. Everything is online and everything is done for a post.' 4. 'I have two Gen Z kids at home, and I feel their thoughts on dating are very healthy. Maybe it's due to me not dating anyone while raising them both, but they aren't rushing to get into relationships because they want to concentrate on school and friends.' — ssstege11573 5. 'Society has changed so that even millennials often don't have stable relationships. It seems that people nowadays are more into friends with benefits, having as many partners as possible, and sexual freedom. They are not interested in long-term relationships anymore.' — MagiciansRabbitTarot 6. 'Honestly, coming from a high school sophomore, Gen Z isn't better or worse than any other generation when it comes to dating. We're just growing up in a changing world and figuring it out as we go, like you all did, too.' 7. 'I don't have a judgement because I'm not a Gen Z kid or a parent of one, but I do wonder how they do with the aftermath of a relationship and social media. We had Myspace and Facebook, but that was not a central part of our social life/relationships, so after a breakup, there wasn't a constant, ubiquitous presence.' 8. 'For me, it's the amount of open relationships. There's a lack of monogamy, and open relationships seem to be the increasing norm.' Stuart Freedman / Corbis via Getty Images 'I understand everyone has different preferences, but not being able to commit to one person scares me. I've even seen some claim that committing to one person or wanting to commit to one person indicates attachment issues.' —Anonymous 10. 'My Gen Z boys know how to court a woman properly. The dates, the planning. The poetic speech. It does seem it's a rare thing these days. Such a shame.' 11. 'This idea that there is this significant generational gap between Millennials and Gen Z when it comes to dating (and a host of other issues), is overblown.' 12. 'I agree that they never experienced writing notes, or being on phone calls late at night with the fear of a sibling listening in on the landline.' 'They've never had to hide who they're dating or talking to because they've always had the privacy of their own devices. And frankly, I'd say they find dating apps cringy because millennials use them.' —Anonymous 13. 'On one hand, I'm proud of them, but at the same time, confused by them. They have or are working towards undoing mistakes made by previous generations that will make things way better for themselves (marrying older, traveling and living life before settling down). But at the same time they totally lack basic social skills needed for a relationship.' Klaus Vedfelt / Getty Images 'How is someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you only ever text them? Why are you spending hours on FaceTime instead of physically being together? They don't like dating apps, but don't like going out or talking to people in and contradictory. Hoping the social awkwardness fades away by the time my Gen Alpha kid is old enough to date.' —Brandy 14. 'I think things like social media really sort of play with our mindsets because we see endless options out there, and with so many different people 'available,' nobody wants to settle. And so, you know, hookup culture sets in.' Alina Rudya / Getty Images 'It honestly makes me a bit sad to see, and I wish kids now knew how to plan and ask someone on a real, proper date. I don't want to be treated like one of someone's many side pieces. I want to really get to know someone and find a real connection, not a casual hookup type thing or 'friends with benefits' nonsense.' —Hallie 15. 'From what I understand looking in, Gen Z have really strange and rigid ideas about socializing.' 'I've seen more than once online, on multiple social media sites, Gen Z saying that approaching a stranger you don't know to ask them out on a date is weird and creepy, which is really silly." — Aggressive-Ad-8907 16. 'I'm an elder Gen Z, and I'm not doing these dating rituals (or lack thereof) prescribed to Gen Z. I don't go on dating apps, and I met my partner through a common interest. We texted some, but really got to know each other as friends in person.' Playb / Getty Images 'We now sometimes pass each other handwritten notes, just to be cute. We go out on dates, and he made his feelings and intentions very clear with me, and vice versa. I will say, this is the first serious relationship I've had where I felt like the effort and intention was at a high level. I've dated a couple of guys before where the planning of dates and clear communication wasn't there, but, I don't know if I would contribute that to being a generational trait.' —Kate 17. 'I mean, the options us older generations left them are terrible — online dating, hookup culture, toxic social media.' — nah1111rex 18. 'A friend of mine has a Gen Z daughter who just turned 18 a few months ago. I happened to overhear a discussion they had because my friend — who's her father — doesn't like her new boyfriend, who is a lot older than her.' Stock-eye / Getty Images 'She replied that she has difficulty finding the right kind of guy in Gen Z because all the Gen Z guys she looks at don't care about their future and are nihilists. She says that you can tell they're not putting any effort into their lives, so logically, that means they won't put any effort into a life with her. It scares her away and makes her feel unsafe. And that's why she likes to date older guys. It's pretty clear to me that the nihilism I'm hearing from a lot of Gen Z is just sabotaging their ability to date.' — honestduane 19. 'Gen Z dating culture is heavily influenced by dating apps and social media, which has created a very low-commitment, low-communication default ,and a lot of toxic dynamics, including resentment between genders, unrealistic/transactional standards, and a drive to profit off of loneliness (IMO a big contributor to the rise of incel culture).' Pekic / Getty Images 'Not saying any of this is brand new, but it has taken on a new, quite extreme form in this generation. Understandably it's burned a lot of people out, and caused a lot of cynicism among young people on the topic of love/dating. But even though the overall state of things is not okay, people still find ways to connect.' — YuNg-BrAtZ 20. 'I'm on the older side of Gen Z. The majority of our generation has a give-up mentality. No one works through issues. It's just label everything you don't like as a red flag and leave.' — jayi05 21. 'It's not a Gen Z thing. I'm a millennial and the dating scene is absolutely abysmal. I'd love to date, but I physically cannot deal with scrolling through 1,000 identical profiles daily of men 'who aren't looking for anything serious.'' Mengwen Cao / Getty Images 'So I just work, hang out with my friends, and engage in hobbies instead. I'm kind of sad because I don't like to be lonely and would love to get married someday, but it's just not realistic.' — LauraHDay What are your thoughts on Gen Z dating culture? Share them in the comments? F Marry Kill is on demand and in select theaters on March 7. BuzzFeed Studios/Lionsgate
Buzz Feed
10-02-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
Dads Are Speaking Up About How Having Kids Changed Them As People, Because Parenthood Isn't Just About The Moms
When it comes to pregnancy, motherhood, and the journey in between, a resounding number of ceremonious events take place, and a multitude of pregnancy classes are offered, but we often forget about the men. Last week, I asked men to join the conversation and share their thoughts on parenthood and the ways they've embraced the process. Here's what they had to say: Note: Not all responses are from the Buzzfeed Community. Some have been pulled from this Reddit thread and this Reddit thread. 1. 'I have two girls. I've changed the way I view emotions.' 'I let them have their emotions and feelings without telling them to bottle it up because they're inconvenient to someone else. It's helped me navigate better with my wife, but it took a while for me to accept and practice it. Boys being mad is understandable, but girls getting mad is inconvenient? As a father to them, I won't stand for it.' —Anonymous 2. 'I thought I was well on my way living a life of being single. It's not that I enjoyed being alone, but that I never seemed to find anyone interested in me.' 'The future I saw included moving back to my hometown and taking care of my parents until they died. Around my early 30s, I asked myself, 'Do I really want to be single and childless in my 50s and 60s?' Several years after that I took a fateful trip with my parents to the old country where a cousin introduced me to the young woman who would become my wife. We've been married 22 years, with two sons in their late teens. Many of my peers are grandparents. Being a dad has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. From the movie City Slickers, if you find your 'one,' then anything else 'don't mean sh-t.' I found my 'one' in my wife and children. Being a father is what I didn't know I wanted to be until I became one.' —Anonymous 3. 'Not only did I not expect to become a father, but I did not expect to be doing it alone.' 'My child's mother passed away suddenly. I'm always thinking about how I can not get in trouble, not get arrested, not casually drink or take the occasional drug. I have to stay healthy, bills need to be paid on time, laundry needs to be clean, the house HAS to have food in it. Not only am I on top of all chores and necessities, but I've even managed to plan vacations and save money. Now in my 40s, I've somehow got a career and am trying to buy my first home. All of these things seemed impossible for me before fatherhood.' —Anonymous 4. 'My wife and I had our first baby about two years ago. It's a surreal experience, very meaningful, but it also changes your life completely.' 'I work with kids as part of my job, so I knew how to change diapers and all the basic things. It was nice to have a role like the diaper-changer or the one who put them to bed. I also really enjoyed times when I got to bottle feed and have that time together. We were very fortunate to have our first baby while I was in training at work, and that allowed me to spend multiple months working primarily from home to spend with my wife and baby. We have our second on the way, and now that I'm working full-time, my job offers zero paternity leave. Even if I wanted to take FMLA, I wouldn't be allowed to because I'm in my first year working at this job. I'm sure there are a lot of families in similar situations. I'm scared that I won't be able to make the same connection with baby #2 as I did with our first. I feel like our society values productivity so much more than family health and wellbeing, and it puts fathers and mothers in tough situations.' —Anonymous 5. "My beautiful sweet wife (who was my high school sweetheart) died when we were both 24, while giving birth to our twin daughters. I felt absolutely awful because this pregnancy was accidental, and I felt like this whole unfortunate situation was entirely my fault." 'My wife and I were so in love, but we got married specifically due to this pregnancy (she came from a super religious family), and giving birth to MY kids — that I impregnated her with — literally ended her life. The grief and guilt were absolutely unbearable, but I was determined to be the best father I could be despite all circumstances. As my daughters grew older, I had to learn how to do hair, which took a million YouTube tutorials to learn; I had to buy them their first bras and first pads (it took a ton of research and experimenting to find the best brands); and I had to essentially be both a motherly and fatherly figure all at once. My daughters are graduating high school this June, and they're both attending prestigious universities. I'm so proud of the strong, independent, kind women they've grown into. Ultimately, fatherhood has taught me the true power of persistence. It also taught me to trust the process, as everything will work out eventually. Mia and Lily, my two beautiful daughters, if you read this, your dad is so proud of you, and I can't wait to see you two walk across that stage in six months.❤️' —Anonymous 6. 'In the first few months of having your child, you start to recalibrate your entire life and how you will be spending your time. When my son was born, I remember our sleep schedules becoming completely out of control. I would often be up with the baby until 4 or 5 in the morning, then my wife would take over, and I would sleep until almost noon.' 'Every moment, it seemed all attention and energy was on the baby for the first few months. Once you are past the baby stage, it becomes about juggling responsibilities. You have parenting, your work, and your relationship with your spouse. Then, there are secondary things like friends, hobbies, and self-care that you would like to have time for but usually have to be sidelined. The expectations for modern parents are so high. Compare the way kids interact with their parents on old TV shows (Charlie Brown and Rugrats come to mind) to modern TV shows (something like Bluey), and you'll see the way that attitudes towards parenting have changed. People used to think you could mostly leave kids to their own devices and they would be fine. Parents are now expected to build this whole world around their kids with adventures and positive stimulation. We also have to protect them from the internet and screen addiction. Fathers can and should play just as much a role in this as mothers.' —Anonymous 7. 'I had my son when I was 19. My mom kicked me and my wife (girlfriend at the time) out because we refused an abortion.' Tatsiana Volkava / Getty Images 'I worked 90-hour weeks to afford what little we had. He turns 11 today, and I wouldn't change anything. And just because you're becoming a father, doesn't mean you stop being you. It just adds to your identity.' — Badfish419 8. 'I had given up on the idea of fatherhood after years of my then-wife saying she didn't want any kids. Then she suddenly flipped the script, and I was the one unsure.' 'Our marriage was already headed to a sh-tty place but I made the mistake of seeing her obsession with the idea of having kids as a desire to have a family. Now I have a set of 4-year-old twins who are the light of my life, and I wouldn't trade anything for them. They have allowed me to be the father I should have had, and have a family to love and nurture with all the love in my soul. Their mother and I are working on finalizing our divorce this month. The kids didn't fix anything, but it did give me the chance to have a family I could never have dreamed of. I'll take all the other crap to have my girls.' 9. 'I have a 4-and-a-half-year-old and a week-old newborn. A lot of work. Sure. But nothing good comes easy.' 'You can be someone's superhero for life. Just don't be a d-ck, and you should be fine. Nothing can prepare you for this. You just jump in with both feet and give it your all. And I mean all.' — Ghost-Toof 10. 'There are no instructions or handbooks that tell you how to be a good dad. When you see your baby for the first time, you will make a soul-binding promise to always be there for them. You are about to learn new levels of love you didn't know existed.' Rawpixel / Getty Images 'Think of the most tired, fatigued moment you've ever had in your life. Now, realize in the near future you are going to look back at that and think, ha! I used to think THAT was being tired. All of the stress, fatigue, and worry will pale in comparison to the feeling you get when that little baby looks at you like you are the whole universe." — Badbowtie91 11. 'Being a father is incredibly rewarding. It's hard work, but amazing.' Solstock / Getty Images
Yahoo
08-02-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Parents Who've Moved Abroad Are Sharing The Biggest Differences They've Noticed When It Comes To Raising Children
What's it like to move to another country and parent a child in a foreign culture? I recently asked the Buzzfeed Community, and also foraged through some Reddit threads (here, here). While there were both good and bad experiences, the results were surprisingly in favor of parenting abroad! Here's what they had to say. 1."We recently moved to Italy from the US for the military, and children are allowed to be children! We have a 2-year-old, so lots of tantrums, naturally, but we usually get compassionate smiles from others in the restaurant, or the servers will bring us candy/coloring books. They expect kids to have big feelings and not act like adults. It's so refreshing and much less embarrassing." 2."Irish parents are way less stressed out about safety. Not that they're not good parents — they are, but they're more relaxed about loads of things like neighborhood kids playing unsupervised. I really noticed the difference when some (mostly Irish) parents and I were waiting outside our school for the kids to finish practicing a play. All of a sudden, the kids started screaming and yelling. The other American parent and I were immediately on high alert and heading for the school. The Irish parents didn't even look around. They never for a second imagined their kids might be in danger at school. Turns out the noise we heard was just the kids cheering the end of their rehearsal." 3."Well, I've certainly noticed that white families in the UK don't hit their children. And as someone who is reallllly against violence of any kind, I don't see this as a bad thing. In my community (Northwest Russia), we grew up pretty fearful of parents or grandparents and their wooden spoon or belt! On the flip side, it's also clear that people don't really do anything to discipline their is also not good." 4."I live in Spain and children are pretty coddled. I remember my niece having her food cut up for her around age 10. And the other day I was talking to parents who said they wouldn't allow their 12-year-olds to go to school alone by public transport (our children are all 5 and 6 now). It looks like children run wild because they're outdoors a lot, and it's true we let them run around the park or beach for hours, but they aren't allowed to go anywhere alone. Parents do a lot for their children until pretty old. I can't really imagine asking teenagers I know here to babysit like I did around age 13." 5."I'm from the US, but in Austria now. The neighborhood kids here are practically feral (in the best way). We have a gate in the back garden that goes into the forest, and our kids will run around with all the other neighborhood kids back there until the church bell rings at 7 p.m. We do get invaded sometimes for 'jause' [snacks], but the neighbors also feed our kids, so it's all good. The kids all walk/take the tram to school together starting in first grade." 6."Where I am now — South America — children are VERY coddled and not expected to be independent at all until they're a lot older. I work with 5-year-olds, and they all have nannies who literally do everything for them, including spoon-feeding them. There's a lot of resistance from parents for developing independence too." 7."How independent the kids are. We moved from UK to Austria and there was a huge difference in how kids are treated. In a lot of places in the UK it's very unusual to allow primary age children to take public transport by themselves, but here it's very normal. Kids still play in the street and are allowed to go to play parks by themselves -- it's a lot more like my own childhood." 8."I lived in Italy, and now I'm in Albania. If a restaurant even has a kids' menu, it's just smaller portions of adult meals. You don't see chicken nuggets at a seafood place. Kids do go anywhere, and they tend to be pretty well-behaved, even if there are no adults around. The street I used to live on always had kids playing soccer there, and when I'd come out my gate, they'd immediately stop, gather the ball, and say hello. In museums, they tend to be quiet and respectful (not in a 'seen and not heard' way, just not screaming, or yelling or running around)." 9."We moved from Germany to the Philippines (husband is Filipino) with our now 16-month-old. Raising our baby is so much cheaper here, and you need a lot less stuff. In Germany, you need a nice crib, a changing table, a stroller, a baby bathtub and so much more. We need none of these things here. People here generally bed share and wash their babies in the shower using a cup with a handle called a tabo. You just change the babies on the floor or one parent holds them up while the other changes the diaper." 10."My son was older when we moved to Southern Spain, and the big difference is how many kids in their mid-20s live with their parents. Part of it is due to unemployment, but part of it is cultural. To be clear, I think keeping the family connection stronger is important, and the US swings from over-coddling the youth to 'on your own and responsible for it all' much too quickly. But this cultural difference stood out quite a bit when we moved a few years ago." 11."In Japan, kids need a ton of 'equipment' for school. A special backpack called andoseru, a special art kit, a hooter (aka, melodica, aka melodion), a lunch place setting, a little towel, a little pack of tissues for the day, and shoes you only wear inside the school. The kids are generally pretty well-disciplined, and you don't see too much unruly behavior or chaos. Restaurant behavior seems pretty similar to me." 12."I homeschooled my little boy because we lived in a very conservative school district in Kentucky. I did NOT want him to confuse science and religion, and I wanted to ensure he sees LGBTIA+ folks as humans deserving of all civil rights. We moved to Brandenburg in Berlin, Germany. I was not aware that I'm not allowed to homeschool my child here. Homeschooling isn't allowed because Germans see it as an avenue for religious extremism and believe it hinders a child's ability to integrate into society. I went over all of the standards and syllabus, and I'm okay with sending my precious baby off to school here. Also, knowing his school will never be shot up is nice." 13."USA to Mexico. I see so many small children just out and about on their own. Walking to school. Playing at the park. Going to the local stores to pick up small groceries. Lots of parents do not use child restraints in vehicles. It's not unusual to see an infant on a motorcycle." 14."We moved to NZ when my child was very nearly 6. This meant that instead of returning to kindergarten, which he'd just spent one month in the US, he went straight into Year One. This was in October. The school year runs alongside the calendar year, so he was in Year Two at the end of January the next year. He was really happy about that. He went from, 'Now, are these crayons okay for you?' to 'Let's read this book together, help out your classmate next to you if they need it.' The only thing that he had a little trouble with was the accent here. Because of the Americanization of television and movies, everyone could understand him, but he hadn't been exposed to the Kiwi accent. It took him a couple of months, but that's fine. Fifteen years later, he has the most unique US/NZ blended accent!" 15."Prague has phenomenal American international and British schools. I've had many friends whose kids have gone to both, and when they got back to the States, they were head and shoulder ahead of American classmates." 16."Every single American expat parent I have spoken to has stated that they never realized just how pleasant it is to know your kid will not be in a school shooting. That seems to be a biggie for them." 17."We moved to Spain last year when my kiddo was 7 and had been homeschooled for kindergarten because of COVID. I will say they don't seem super proactive about learning disabilities. I believe he has ADHD (like me), but they don't really seem to do much evaluation for it. But he's doing okay and getting support from tutors, so it's going pretty great." 18."We moved to Austria when our kids were 5 and 7. Zero regrets for them. They go to the local schools and LOVE them. We love that they don't have school shooting drills or school shootings. We feel like Austria is very child-friendly as well." Have you ever moved abroad with your children? Tell us all about it in the comments below.
Buzz Feed
08-02-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
Parents Who've Moved Abroad Are Sharing The Biggest Differences They've Noticed When It Comes To Raising Children
What's it like to move to another country and parent a child in a foreign culture? I recently asked the Buzzfeed Community, and also foraged through some Reddit threads (here, here). While there were both good and bad experiences, the results were surprisingly in favor of parenting abroad! Here's what they had to say. 1. "We recently moved to Italy from the US for the military, and children are allowed to be children! We have a 2-year-old, so lots of tantrums, naturally, but we usually get compassionate smiles from others in the restaurant, or the servers will bring us candy/coloring books. They expect kids to have big feelings and not act like adults. It's so refreshing and much less embarrassing." 2. "Irish parents are way less stressed out about safety. Not that they're not good parents — they are, but they're more relaxed about loads of things like neighborhood kids playing unsupervised. I really noticed the difference when some (mostly Irish) parents and I were waiting outside our school for the kids to finish practicing a play. All of a sudden, the kids started screaming and yelling. The other American parent and I were immediately on high alert and heading for the school. The Irish parents didn't even look around. They never for a second imagined their kids might be in danger at school. Turns out the noise we heard was just the kids cheering the end of their rehearsal." 3. "Well, I've certainly noticed that white families in the UK don't hit their children. And as someone who is reallllly against violence of any kind, I don't see this as a bad thing. In my community (Northwest Russia), we grew up pretty fearful of parents or grandparents and their wooden spoon or belt! On the flip side, it's also clear that people don't really do anything to discipline their is also not good." 4. "I live in Spain and children are pretty coddled. I remember my niece having her food cut up for her around age 10. And the other day I was talking to parents who said they wouldn't allow their 12-year-olds to go to school alone by public transport (our children are all 5 and 6 now). It looks like children run wild because they're outdoors a lot, and it's true we let them run around the park or beach for hours, but they aren't allowed to go anywhere alone. Parents do a lot for their children until pretty old. I can't really imagine asking teenagers I know here to babysit like I did around age 13." — Serious_Escape_5438 5. "I'm from the US, but in Austria now. The neighborhood kids here are practically feral (in the best way). We have a gate in the back garden that goes into the forest, and our kids will run around with all the other neighborhood kids back there until the church bell rings at 7 p.m. We do get invaded sometimes for 'jause' [snacks], but the neighbors also feed our kids, so it's all good. The kids all walk/take the tram to school together starting in first grade." — nefariousmango 6. "Where I am now — South America — children are VERY coddled and not expected to be independent at all until they're a lot older. I work with 5-year-olds, and they all have nannies who literally do everything for them, including spoon-feeding them. There's a lot of resistance from parents for developing independence too." — Embarrassed_Put_7892 7. "How independent the kids are. We moved from UK to Austria and there was a huge difference in how kids are treated. In a lot of places in the UK it's very unusual to allow primary age children to take public transport by themselves, but here it's very normal. Kids still play in the street and are allowed to go to play parks by themselves -- it's a lot more like my own childhood." 8. "I lived in Italy, and now I'm in Albania. If a restaurant even has a kids' menu, it's just smaller portions of adult meals. You don't see chicken nuggets at a seafood place. Kids do go anywhere, and they tend to be pretty well-behaved, even if there are no adults around. The street I used to live on always had kids playing soccer there, and when I'd come out my gate, they'd immediately stop, gather the ball, and say hello. In museums, they tend to be quiet and respectful (not in a 'seen and not heard' way, just not screaming, or yelling or running around)." Drs Producoes / Getty Images 9. "We moved from Germany to the Philippines (husband is Filipino) with our now 16-month-old. Raising our baby is so much cheaper here, and you need a lot less stuff. In Germany, you need a nice crib, a changing table, a stroller, a baby bathtub and so much more. We need none of these things here. People here generally bed share and wash their babies in the shower using a cup with a handle called a tabo. You just change the babies on the floor or one parent holds them up while the other changes the diaper." 10. "My son was older when we moved to Southern Spain, and the big difference is how many kids in their mid-20s live with their parents. Part of it is due to unemployment, but part of it is cultural. To be clear, I think keeping the family connection stronger is important, and the US swings from over-coddling the youth to 'on your own and responsible for it all' much too quickly. But this cultural difference stood out quite a bit when we moved a few years ago." "Also, there isn't the same pushback against free-range parenting here in Spain as there is in the US. Young ones know how to use public transportation and get themselves around to school/activities without parents driving them everywhere, which is expected in America. The local neighbors look out for them, as does the larger 'village.'" -- Supertrample 11. "In Japan, kids need a ton of 'equipment' for school. A special backpack called andoseru, a special art kit, a hooter (aka, melodica, aka melodion), a lunch place setting, a little towel, a little pack of tissues for the day, and shoes you only wear inside the school. The kids are generally pretty well-disciplined, and you don't see too much unruly behavior or chaos. Restaurant behavior seems pretty similar to me." 12. "I homeschooled my little boy because we lived in a very conservative school district in Kentucky. I did NOT want him to confuse science and religion, and I wanted to ensure he sees LGBTIA+ folks as humans deserving of all civil rights. We moved to Brandenburg in Berlin, Germany. I was not aware that I'm not allowed to homeschool my child here. Homeschooling isn't allowed because Germans see it as an avenue for religious extremism and believe it hinders a child's ability to integrate into society. I went over all of the standards and syllabus, and I'm okay with sending my precious baby off to school here. Also, knowing his school will never be shot up is nice." 13. "USA to Mexico. I see so many small children just out and about on their own. Walking to school. Playing at the park. Going to the local stores to pick up small groceries. Lots of parents do not use child restraints in vehicles. It's not unusual to see an infant on a motorcycle." —Anonymous, age 58, Guanajuato, Mexico 14. "We moved to NZ when my child was very nearly 6. This meant that instead of returning to kindergarten, which he'd just spent one month in the US, he went straight into Year One. This was in October. The school year runs alongside the calendar year, so he was in Year Two at the end of January the next year. He was really happy about that. He went from, 'Now, are these crayons okay for you?' to 'Let's read this book together, help out your classmate next to you if they need it.' The only thing that he had a little trouble with was the accent here. Because of the Americanization of television and movies, everyone could understand him, but he hadn't been exposed to the Kiwi accent. It took him a couple of months, but that's fine. Fifteen years later, he has the most unique US/NZ blended accent!" 15. "Prague has phenomenal American international and British schools. I've had many friends whose kids have gone to both, and when they got back to the States, they were head and shoulder ahead of American classmates." 16. "Every single American expat parent I have spoken to has stated that they never realized just how pleasant it is to know your kid will not be in a school shooting. That seems to be a biggie for them." — Moppermonster 17. "We moved to Spain last year when my kiddo was 7 and had been homeschooled for kindergarten because of COVID. I will say they don't seem super proactive about learning disabilities. I believe he has ADHD (like me), but they don't really seem to do much evaluation for it. But he's doing okay and getting support from tutors, so it's going pretty great." 18. "We moved to Austria when our kids were 5 and 7. Zero regrets for them. They go to the local schools and LOVE them. We love that they don't have school shooting drills or school shootings. We feel like Austria is very child-friendly as well."
