27-05-2025
Caley Ashpole grieves future after terminal breast cancer diagnosis
Queensland mum Caley Ashpole is grieving her future after she was diagnosed with aggressive and terminal breast cancer on Christmas Eve last year.
With no road map to navigating her grief, Mrs Ashpole, 40, has turned to art.
The mother knows she will likely never see her pre-teen boys graduate from school, secure their first jobs, fall in love, or start families of their own.
But she imagines her paintings lining the walls of their homes as memories of her fill the chambers of their hearts.
For now, her boys, Ike, 12, and Moss, 10, remain unaware of their mother's death sentence, and she and her husband Bradley strive to preserve the joy of their childhood.
Mrs Ashpole undergoes weekly chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatments at Sunshine Coast University Hospital.
The already petite artist has lost 10 kilograms along with her hair.
The treatment has caused digestion issues, fatigue and ongoing brain fog.
So when her doctor said she needed something beautiful to meditate on during treatment, she turned to painting.
"It helps my mind just switch off," she said.
"I'm in the present but I'm not thinking, I'm not stressing, I'm not worrying."
And her work is being noticed. It featured in the March edition of British Vogue.
"Some of it is pretty monochromatic and moody and other times it's exuberant with life and colour," husband Bradley Ashpole said.
Mrs Ashpole said working on her art was "soothing" and eased the weight of her diagnosis.
"It's a really comfortable feeling. There's joy there," she said.
"A lot of my artwork is inspired by our trips to the beach."
Collecting seashells is a nostalgic tradition for the Ashpole family.
"When it all hangs by a thread you think, 'I wish I could have another family dinner or take another beach walk,'" Mr Ashpole said.
Those precious seaside artefacts line the cabinets and shelves of their family home.
"It's those little moments of looking up to the sunlight through the palm trees," Mr Ashpole said.
Perched back on the squeaky, white sand, watching her husband and boys play in the water, and taking in the picturesque beaches, is a memory Mrs Ashpole can never get enough of.
A moment she wants to last forever.
Mr Ashpole, 37, said he knew he was going to marry his wife from the moment he met her.
More than 13 years ago, Mr Ashpole was studying commerce in Sydney when Caley walked into a church event.
They built a life together first in Mount Isa before moving late last year to the Sunshine Coast to be closer to family.
But in the final weeks of December, the couple found an abnormal lump in Mrs Ashpole's breast.
On Christmas Eve, Mrs Ashpole's doctor called.
They knew it was cancer, but not much more, so the family put on brave faces and continued with Christmas celebrations.
In early January, the couple's worst nightmare was confirmed.
Mrs Ashpole's cancer had metastasised. It was stage four.
The cancer was in her bones. It had crept into her torso, hip, spine and the base of her skull.
She was told she had about three years to live.
"My mind went straight to the kids," Mrs Ashpole said.
Before meeting her husband Mrs Ashpole didn't want children. But now they're her whole world.
"I liked working and being independent, saw my sisters struggle as a single mum and saw how hard motherhood was," she said.
"But I just loved him [Mr Ashpole] so much that I wanted more of him.
"I never expected I could love someone so much. Then we had Ike and never expected we could love him so much, so wanted to give him a sibling, so we had Moss.
"Now they're my everything and I can't imagine life without them."
The boys know their mum has cancer. They don't know it's terminal.
Mrs Ashpole said she hoped her paintings one day provided solace and inspiration to her husband and sons.
"I want to be remembered as someone who doesn't give up," Mrs Ashpole said.
"That's what they know me as and I cling onto that.
"I think it's one of the most meaningful things that you can give someone, your talent and time.
"Especially when your time is maybe limited. It's precious."
Cancer Council Queensland senior psychologist Jacqui de la Rue said "anticipatory grief" often followed a terminal diagnosis.
"They grieve the Christmas Days they won't have, or the birthdays or significant events," she said.
"They will look ahead to a life that terminal cancer has taken from them and will experience grief for those future losses.
"I always say that there is no one way to grieve but there is only one road — and that is through it.
"Talking to a psychologist is just one way of working through grief. Recent research is showing that creative outlets can reduce anxiety, depression and pain as well as [create] a significant increase in wellbeing."
Mr Ashpole said he was heartbroken at losing his "other half" but must find a way to go on.
"I was devastated and trying to find the strength to be the support for everyone else," he said.
"We want to remain hopeful that we'll be able to navigate through this and find a cure and find a treatment that will extend her life."
Mr Ashpole said feelings of grief came in waves.
"Life doesn't pause with you, it demands your responsibilities, your finances," he said.
"And so you just have to wipe your eyes and keep working and you feel conflicted because you want to spend more time with each other but she's unable to work so you have to pick up a second job and work harder.
"It's tough.
Mr Ashpole said having children magnified everything.
"They will be able to look back, as adults, then privy to the knowledge and with a greater sense of maturity, and have perhaps a deeper sense of respect and appreciation for what we've tried to preserve and tried to help them enjoy, which is their childhood," he said.
"It's fleeting."
