12 hours ago
Commentary: I am 86 and have dementia, but I still have much to give
SINGAPORE: I am now 86 years old, and I have Alzheimer's disease – a type of dementia. But I still have much to give.
I can still sing, play mahjong and even write. As a matter of fact, I'm now in the midst of writing my memoir.
I hope that by sharing my story, I will be able to inspire others facing similar challenges and encourage a more inclusive and supportive environment for people with dementia.
LOST IN THE DARK
In Singapore, about one in 11 people aged 60 years and above are living with dementia, according to a 2024 study by the Institute of Mental Health. This corresponds to about 74,000 older adults living with dementia in Singapore. As our population continues to age, this number is expected to increase to 152,000 by 2030.
I used to have a good memory, which came in handy during my teaching career especially when it came to teaching thousands of kids over the decades.
I began my career after my O-Levels at 16 years old, teaching maths at schools across Singapore before furthering my education. I later became the discipline master of Raffles Institution, and then principal of Commonwealth Secondary School and, subsequently, Bedok North Secondary School.
Suffice it to say, education has been my life's calling.
For me, the changes came quietly, almost unnoticeably at first. I would forget where I placed my keys and sometimes, where I parked my car, but I thought this was a normal part of ageing.
One evening though, as I drove home from my tutee's house – a route I'd travelled countless times before – the roads felt strangely unfamiliar. I found myself driving in circles, feeling uncertain and unsettled.
Eventually, I found my way back, but the incident scared me.
I decided it was time to go for a check-up. What followed was a series of tests and eventually my worst fears were confirmed – I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
THE DIAGNOSIS
The diagnosis was a blow to my sense of self. Frustration, disappointment and helplessness settled in as I tried to process my new reality. They told me this disease would slowly take away my sharpness, my speech and my independence - parts of me I thought I'd always have.
Although I've tried to stay positive, it hasn't always been easy. Over time, I've struggled to recall names and places. I also take a longer time to think through and resolve problems.
Tasks I once performed with ease, such as operating a remote control, now require extra effort because the different buttons can be confusing.
There's also the fear of rejection – the worry that others might not understand me or may grow frustrated at having to repeat themselves.
Some friendships have quietly slipped away because I can no longer recall the people, our bond, or the moments we once shared.
But I've learned to navigate these challenges by surrounding myself with supportive family and friends who celebrate my victories, big and small.
LIVING WITH THE DISEASE
Not long after my diagnosis, I was referred to Dementia Singapore, the leading social service agency in specialised dementia care.
There, I found a community that understands my situation. Through activities like memory cafes, exercise programmes and even opportunities to become an advocate for others, I'm reminded that life shouldn't have to stop because of my diagnosis.
I've also learned strategies to help manage the progression of the condition. For example, I follow a structured daily routine to create a sense of stability and familiarity. Around the house, I keep a whiteboard as a visual reminder, where I jot down appointments and tasks to keep myself organised.
Most importantly, I stay active by sharing my experiences as a co-facilitator at Voices for Hope, a programme that aims to empower people living with dementia and their care partners on a self-advocacy journey.
In 2021, I wrote a poem called Forget Me Not that encapsulates my experience living with this condition. It was published by Dementia Singapore in 2023.
WHAT I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW
Here's what I want people to understand. People with early-stage dementia can be active, engaged and lead fulfilling lives. We just need a little understanding and patience.
To those newly diagnosed, I would like to say: don't despair, stay positive, continue engaging in activities you love and explore ways to manage your condition. Life doesn't stop with a diagnosis; it simply takes a different path.
For care partners, I urge you to be patient, accepting and most importantly, respectful. Give your loved ones space to find ways to improve their cognitive abilities and encourage independence and support without being overprotective.
This is a partnership, not a one-way street. That's why I prefer the term 'care partner' over 'caregiver'. It carries the warmth and understanding that we're in this together, working hand in hand.
At this stage, dementia may change how we experience our journey, but the treasures of past still often remain accessible. While new information becomes harder to retain, it hasn't diminished our capacity to connect with others and live a life full of purpose.
