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Boston Globe

‘Novocaine' is a numbing experience

If that weren't enough humiliation, his school bullies took advantage of his disorder back in the day, brutally injuring him repeatedly. They even gave him a nickname: 'Novocaine.' The 'feel no pain' predicament can be found in Liam Neeson's similarly afflicted character in Sam Raimi's 1990 classic, 'Darkman,' or the X-Men's Wolverine. Here, it's employed as the gimmick in a silly, graphically violent actioner whose plotline involves saving a damsel in distress. Jacob Batalon in "Novocaine." PARAMOUNT PICTURES Advertisement The sadsack Caine is no Wolverine, as fellow gamer and only friend Roscoe (an endearing Jacob Batalon) points out. He and Roscoe have never met in person. Caine also has no love life — we assume he can't feel pleasure, either. That assumption will be disproven; directors Dan Berk and Robert Olsen had to get a little sex into this picture. Caine works as the assistant manager at a San Diego bank. We know he's a nice guy because he tries to help a recently widowed business owner (Lou Beatty Jr.) stave off foreclosure on his store. So, when an attractive teller named Sherry ('Prey''s Amber Midthunder), shows interest in him, we root for their romantic success. Their first date revolves around an explanation of his disorder, and a funny bit of revenge against a former classmate. Though it's completely fetishistic on Sherry's part (her interest appears to be 'how much pleasure can he feel?'), the two spend a night of passion together. Caine thinks he's in love. Unfortunately, Caine's morning-after bliss is interrupted when his bank is robbed by several brutal thieves. They brutally execute his manager, mow down acres of cops with automatic weapons, and make off with plenty of cash. The goons also kidnap Sherry. Advertisement Matthew Walsh and Betty Gabriel in "Novocaine." PARAMOUNT PICTURES From here, 'Novocaine' switches into action-movie mode, with the lovestruck Caine doing everything and anything to get his girlfriend back, including stealing a cop car and attempting to chase down the perpetrators. Hot on his trail are officers Mincy (Betty Gabriel from 2017's 'Get Out') and her soon-to-be-retired partner, Coltraine (Matthew Walsh). Writer Lars Jacobson gets a lot of gory mileage out of Caine's inability to feel pain, so much so that a guy in my row barfed in his popcorn bucket. Our hero suffers third-degree burns, broken bones, bullet wounds, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (literally!) and worse. It's like watching the Black Knight get dismembered in 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail,' except that was funny and the gag didn't run nearly two hours. To my surprise, I was bored by the gruesome and repetitive carnage. My brain started asking questions about the logistics of Caine's injuries. Just because you can't feel pain doesn't mean your body isn't prone to structural damage that would prevent you from firing a gun or engaging in fisticuffs. Jack Quaid in "Novocaine." Marcos Cruz / PARAMOUNT PICTURES And doesn't longing for someone fall under the category of pain? Perhaps I would have been more engaged had the film not revealed its twist after barely 30 minutes. Turns out Sherry is in cahoots with the robbers. In fact, the more vicious of the group, Simon (Ray Nicholson), is her brother. So, Caine is getting eviscerated and tortured to save the woman who is leading him to his own potential demise. How romantic! Advertisement 'Novocaine' reminded me of Ke Huy Quan's recent action comedy 'Love Hurts.' In fact, this movie should have been called 'Love Hurts.' Though Quan's hero feels pain, he's subject to an equally extreme amount of violence. He even gets a hand wound early in the film, just like Caine does. The difference is that Quan is a convincing action hero (Quaid is not) and the violence against him is more cartoonish than grotesque. Jack Quaid in "Novocaine." Marcos Cruz / PARAMOUNT PICTURES The filmmakers fail to achieve their goal of parodying actioners where the heroes take a severe amount of punishment and keep on ticking. Those movies are impervious to parody. Unlike Mel Gibson's character in 'Lethal Weapon,' Caine doesn't get off on pain. And unlike Stallone or Schwarzenegger in any number of blockbusters, nothing Caine does approaches their level of physics-defying absurdity. We're left with a movie that, despite all its bloody F/X and brutal fights, isn't worth paying to watch in a theater. 'Novocaine' is a numbing experience that's best seen on cable at 3 a.m., preferably after you've numbed yourself with the vice of your choice. ★★ NOVOCAINE Directed by Dan Berk, Robert Olsen. Written by Lars Jacobson. Starring Jack Quaid, Amber Midthunder, Betty Gabriel, Matthew Walsh, Jacob Batalon, Ray Stevenson. Lou Beatty Jr. At AMC Boston Common, Landmark Kendall Square, Alamo Drafthouse Seaport, AMC Causeway, suburbs. 110 min. R (gory violence and the swear words that accompany it) Odie Henderson is the Boston Globe's film critic.