Latest news with #DearAbby.com
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: Is it rude to keep non-relatives out of my family reunion?
DEAR ABBY: We have an annual weekend family reunion that includes family and significant others along with their children. Most of the children are adults now. One of them (my niece) was recently married and is asking if her new husband's sister (and possibly her boyfriend) can come to the reunion. We don't have anyone other than immediate family attend, although we do have a special attendee this year. My brother-in-law's mother is here from South America. She will be coming only for the day rather than the whole weekend. How do I politely refuse my niece's request without hurting her feelings? — MORE OR MERRIER? DEAR M. OR M.: An exception has already been made for your brother-in-law's mother. I'm not sure you can refuse to include your niece's new husband's sister (and possibly her boyfriend) this time around without causing hurt feelings. Throw a few more hot dogs on the grill and cross your fingers that everyone will have a good time 'just this once.' DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 34 years. My husband often accuses me of having cheated on him and being disrespectful to him throughout our marriage. I have said some things in ways I agree were disrespectful, especially after I have been accused of lying, etc. However, I have never cheated or lied to him, as he so often accuses me of. What do you advise? — HONEST IN GEORGIA DEAR HONEST: I wish you had written to me about this when it started. If you had, I would have pointed out that people who accuse their partners of lying to them and cheating on them often have done exactly that themselves. He's accusing you of disrespect? What do you think he has been doing? Tell your accuser/abuser that if he has proof of his accusations, he should come with you to a marriage and family therapist and discuss it, or you are going to leave him. Then, depending upon his response, follow through. DEAR ABBY: My grandson is transgender and gets very hurt when I misgender his name. I am nearly 80 and use 'she' sometimes when talking to him. I wrote him a letter at college (we exchange letters all the time) and told him my brain is old, and if I keep saying 'she' when we talk, maybe we should just keep writing and see each other less often if it keeps hurting him. Did I do the right thing? — MISTAKEN IN MASSACHUSETTS DEAR MISTAKEN: You may have meant well, but I don't think it was a wise choice. Unintentional misgendering is a fact of life in many families with a transgender loved one. Seeing your grandson less often is not going to cure the problem you're experiencing. Seeing him MORE often may give you the opportunity to become more comfortable with his true identity. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
4 days ago
- New York Post
Dear Abby: Is it rude to keep non-relatives out of my family reunion?
DEAR ABBY: We have an annual weekend family reunion that includes family and significant others along with their children. Most of the children are adults now. One of them (my niece) was recently married and is asking if her new husband's sister (and possibly her boyfriend) can come to the reunion. We don't have anyone other than immediate family attend, although we do have a special attendee this year. Advertisement My brother-in-law's mother is here from South America. She will be coming only for the day rather than the whole weekend. How do I politely refuse my niece's request without hurting her feelings? — MORE OR MERRIER? DEAR M. OR M.: An exception has already been made for your brother-in-law's mother. Advertisement I'm not sure you can refuse to include your niece's new husband's sister (and possibly her boyfriend) this time around without causing hurt feelings. Throw a few more hot dogs on the grill and cross your fingers that everyone will have a good time 'just this once.' DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 34 years. My husband often accuses me of having cheated on him and being disrespectful to him throughout our marriage. Advertisement I have said some things in ways I agree were disrespectful, especially after I have been accused of lying, etc. However, I have never cheated or lied to him, as he so often accuses me of. What do you advise? — HONEST IN GEORGIA DEAR HONEST: I wish you had written to me about this when it started. If you had, I would have pointed out that people who accuse their partners of lying to them and cheating on them often have done exactly that themselves. He's accusing you of disrespect? What do you think he has been doing? Advertisement Tell your accuser/abuser that if he has proof of his accusations, he should come with you to a marriage and family therapist and discuss it, or you are going to leave him. Then, depending upon his response, follow through. DEAR ABBY: My grandson is transgender and gets very hurt when I misgender his name. I am nearly 80 and use 'she' sometimes when talking to him. I wrote him a letter at college (we exchange letters all the time) and told him my brain is old, and if I keep saying 'she' when we talk, maybe we should just keep writing and see each other less often if it keeps hurting him. Did I do the right thing? — MISTAKEN IN MASSACHUSETTS DEAR MISTAKEN: You may have meant well, but I don't think it was a wise choice. Unintentional misgendering is a fact of life in many families with a transgender loved one. Seeing your grandson less often is not going to cure the problem you're experiencing. Seeing him MORE often may give you the opportunity to become more comfortable with his true identity. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Yahoo
23-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My alcoholic friend refuses help — is it time for me to walk away?
DEAR ABBY: I have known 'Sheila' for 30 years. We were once dear friends. She was always a social drinker. Twelve years ago, she lost her husband to cancer and began drinking increasingly heavily. Sheila's now an alcoholic. Friends and family have tried many times to help her. She went to rehab twice to appease her daughter. She tried AA but said she wasn't comfortable there. She had an in-home program for months but went through the motions only until it was done. Over the last three years, Sheila has passed out, fallen and smashed her face and accidentally burned down her house. She has been taken to the hospital by ambulance a number of times, and most recently, got her second DUI conviction. My problem is, she phones me every week to chitchat about various everyday topics like nothing has happened. If I try to talk about her issues, Sheila says she's sorry and will do better, and then changes the subject. Our conversations are making me sad and angry. Should I finally confront her, or just cut her out of my life? I have tried to be caring and supportive when most of her other friends have written her off, but I'm ready to give up. — FINISHED IN MAINE DEAR FINISHED: Tell Sheila that although you care about her, you are no longer willing to stand by and watch her try to kill herself, because that is what she has been doing. Tell her you would love to continue talking with her, but only once she has confronted her serious alcohol problem AND has started on the road to recovery. (Tell her daughter the same thing.) Sometimes, an addict must hit rock bottom before they realize what their habit has cost them. DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I was to fly across the country with my husband to attend my nephew's wedding. It was a very special event because my nephew had never been married and seemed to be a confirmed bachelor. After we arrived at the airport and were about to check in, I realized I hadn't brought my identification. I told my husband to board the flight without me. When my husband arrived, he told his brother that I wasn't there because I had forgotten my identification. My brother-in-law told my husband he would tell his wife that I was sick, and my husband agreed. I was furious with my husband when I found out. I had told my husband to tell my sister-in-law (who is my friend) that I had forgotten my identification. I am also angry at my brother-in-law for lying about me. Should I tell my sister-in-law the truth and let her know her husband lied about me? — NO-SHOW IN VIRGINIA DEAR NO-SHOW: A better way to phrase it would be to tell your sister-in-law (who is your friend) that you couldn't get on the plane because you forgot your ID, and still can't figure out why your husband and hers didn't give her the real reason. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
23-05-2025
- General
- New York Post
Dear Abby: My alcoholic friend refuses help — is it time for me to walk away?
DEAR ABBY: I have known 'Sheila' for 30 years. We were once dear friends. She was always a social drinker. Twelve years ago, she lost her husband to cancer and began drinking increasingly heavily. Sheila's now an alcoholic. Friends and family have tried many times to help her. She went to rehab twice to appease her daughter. Advertisement She tried AA but said she wasn't comfortable there. She had an in-home program for months but went through the motions only until it was done. Over the last three years, Sheila has passed out, fallen and smashed her face and accidentally burned down her house. She has been taken to the hospital by ambulance a number of times, and most recently, got her second DUI conviction. Advertisement My problem is, she phones me every week to chitchat about various everyday topics like nothing has happened. If I try to talk about her issues, Sheila says she's sorry and will do better, and then changes the subject. Our conversations are making me sad and angry. Should I finally confront her, or just cut her out of my life? I have tried to be caring and supportive when most of her other friends have written her off, but I'm ready to give up. — FINISHED IN MAINE Advertisement DEAR FINISHED: Tell Sheila that although you care about her, you are no longer willing to stand by and watch her try to kill herself, because that is what she has been doing. Tell her you would love to continue talking with her, but only once she has confronted her serious alcohol problem AND has started on the road to recovery. (Tell her daughter the same thing.) Sometimes, an addict must hit rock bottom before they realize what their habit has cost them. DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I was to fly across the country with my husband to attend my nephew's wedding. Advertisement It was a very special event because my nephew had never been married and seemed to be a confirmed bachelor. After we arrived at the airport and were about to check in, I realized I hadn't brought my identification. I told my husband to board the flight without me. When my husband arrived, he told his brother that I wasn't there because I had forgotten my identification. My brother-in-law told my husband he would tell his wife that I was sick, and my husband agreed. I was furious with my husband when I found out. I had told my husband to tell my sister-in-law (who is my friend) that I had forgotten my identification. I am also angry at my brother-in-law for lying about me. Should I tell my sister-in-law the truth and let her know her husband lied about me? — NO-SHOW IN VIRGINIA Advertisement DEAR NO-SHOW: A better way to phrase it would be to tell your sister-in-law (who is your friend) that you couldn't get on the plane because you forgot your ID, and still can't figure out why your husband and hers didn't give her the real reason. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My family physically and sexually abused me for years — and are now telling me to get over it
DEAR ABBY: I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder, major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder. According to my doctors, my psychiatric disorders are a result of the 44 years of abuse I received from my mother, as well as the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me. Her physical abuse stopped when I fought back at 17. When I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I'd press charges and have him arrested. The sexual abuse had stopped when I was 12, and I realized she'd known what had been happening the whole time. It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013. I am being told that, because she's dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they wanted to be in Mommy's good graces. After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the only family I had were my own two children, but even they are cold to me now. They scold me — 'Your mother's dead. Get over it.' How do I explain that when abuse starts before a child can walk, you don't just 'get over it'? — BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO DEAR BLEEDING HEART: I am so sorry for the unrelenting trauma you experienced. Your children may mean well, but they are clueless about what the effects of physical, emotional and sexual abuse can be. I'm not sure your children will ever fully understand why you can't forgive what your mother and siblings did to you without the help of a family therapist, if you can convince your children to accompany you. DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away, and I have never been particularly close to my mother-in-law. I have encouraged my husband to visit his mother and maintain a good relationship with her. She's healthy and very active and drives herself everywhere. The problem is, every time my husband visits, he brings home a bag (or bags) of miscellaneous items his mom gives him. It can be hats, gloves, socks, flashlights, T-shirts, gadgets, tons of drink bottles, etc. Most of the items have never been used. My in-laws were avid auction and sale enthusiasts, and they didn't just buy one of something; they bought in quantity. When my husband brings this stuff home, I end up taking everything to our local donation center. How do I get him to stand up to his mother and tell her we don't need any more stuff? I don't want to be the one to speak to her because it will create problems. Must I just keep quiet and continue running to the donation center for the sake of peace? — DUMPED ON IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR DUMPED ON: No. Tell your husband HE must run to the donation center to dispose of the items his mother sends home with him. Once he tires of doing it, he will discourage his well-meaning mother. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
